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FWB prospect

(13 Posts)
Yellowpetal Sun 15-Nov-20 17:58:46

When heading into a FWB territory with a stranger from Tinder, how quickly did you sleep with each other?
I was very clear that i am after a casual fling, I met a lovely younger guy, he could have shagged me (or at least tried) on our second date but he did not..?

We exchanged nice, flirty messages since - it’s heading in a right direction.. Why is he taking so long lol. I am desperate!

It’s my first FWB, not sure what to expect..

OP’s posts: |
SoulofanAggron Sun 15-Nov-20 18:29:11

Why is he taking so long lol. I am desperate!

Lol! grin

I would just ask him outright (if you're determined to flout covid rules.)

'So, when're you coming round to sort me out?' Or something like that.

If he responds badly to that he wasn't a good candidate anyway.

Yellowpetal Sun 15-Nov-20 18:40:02

Fair point. Perhaps he is hesitant because of the lockdown lol

OP’s posts: |
Bunnymumy Sun 15-Nov-20 18:41:38

Agree with pp, I'd just be like 'so, bit of fun at your place tomorrow?'. If you are looking for a fwb you have to be very direct about what you do and dont want. What is and isn't on the table (...or the floor...or the car xD). You really gotta be ready to take no shit.

Unfortunately a lot of narcissist males gravitate towards fwb/fick budy things. They actually want neither...they want you to fall in love with them whilst they shag about. So you really have to be switched on to the way they behave with you.

LilacPebbles Sun 15-Nov-20 19:03:02

Sounds like crossed wires. He thinks you're dating. Be more direct

Yellowpetal Sun 15-Nov-20 19:40:58

I will certainly be more direct when I see him next - and be clear on my floor/car preferences lol.

OP’s posts: |
SoulofanAggron Sun 15-Nov-20 21:00:05

Unfortunately a lot of narcissist males gravitate towards fwb/fick budy things. They actually want neither...they want you to fall in love with them whilst they shag about. So you really have to be switched on to the way they behave with you.

I really do agree with some of Buny's comment @Yellowpetal , and more. Narcs really enjoy the sexual supply and supply of attention from women.

My experience of FWB's is extensive and without doubt ends in feelings of being used and disrespected.

Yellowpetal Sun 15-Nov-20 22:19:46

Yes it makes sense.. I experienced a long marriage with someone like this - hence I don’t want to engage in a proper relationship and I have been single for over a year now.

I think I can spot someone like this, but I am v careful.

This guy has no baggage and up for some laughter and fun. Sounds too good to not enjoy it for a while.. ;)

OP’s posts: |
noego Sun 15-Nov-20 23:23:52

Unfortunately a lot of narcissist males gravitate towards fwb/fick budy things. They actually want neither...they want you to fall in love with them whilst they shag about. So you really have to be switched on to the way they behave with you

Evidence please!!

Asking because couldn't the female in this type of relationship could be seen in the same light??

Bunnymumy Sun 15-Nov-20 23:52:15

I'm sure there are women ones too. But I think a lot more women who want fwb actually want it because it's less hassle. Where as for men its often more about the ego. I find men can't handle it when you dont fall in love with them.

I can only speak from personal exp. Tried it 3 times, twice they were narcissistic. The other one was a bit of a dick but I didn't hang around long enough to see how deep it ran. Considering he had zero respect for boundaries I'm guessing he was probably one as well though.

I wouldnt rule out a fwb in future but with any kind of relationship, you have to be sure they are on the same page as you...and watch out for an agenda that isnt what they initially said.

Bunnymumy Sun 15-Nov-20 23:58:04

Basically, women who want fwb often want to have some fun without any added work or drama. Men often want women to utterly adore them, without any commitment. And that's a mismatch. Of course it's a generalisation but I think the types of women who want fwb are often different from the types of man.

SoulofanAggron Mon 16-Nov-20 00:25:45

I had a much older guy once who was exactly as @Bunnymumy describes- it's like he wanted me to fall in love with him even though he didn't want a relationship with him. It could've been psychologically damaging.

Asking because couldn't the female in this type of relationship could be seen in the same light??

@noego Theoretically, but in practice that sort of personality and motivation is more common in men, because of their socialization.
Women are arguably more likely to 'catch feels' in a FWB scenario, though I know a lot of women on here describe the man being the one wanting more.

Either way, in my experience the FWB thing is a bit of a waste of time and/or painful. I won't be bothering for the foreseeable.

@Yellowpetal I recommend a Magic Wand if you don't have one already www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/vibrators/magic-wand-vibrators/https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/vibrators/magic-wand-vibrators/

SoulofanAggron Mon 16-Nov-20 00:26:43

*'he didn't want a relationship with me'

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