Dp and I have been together 5 years. We lived together 3 years ago but his teenage DS started getting into trouble with a bad crowd so I asked them to leave to shield my primary aged DC from it and we continued our relationship living separately. Now his ds is an adult and doing his own thing I asked dp to move in 3 days ago.
There are lots of positives about him and the relationship, but every few months or so I find out he's concealed something or even outright lied. None of the lies are anything that affects me personally eg he bought an expensive item for a hobby when he could have put the money towards paying off debt, but obviously the fact he feels it's acceptable to deceive me about things pisses me off.
Yesterday my dsis told me about the expensive hobby item after I told her we were planning on him moving in.
I'm more disappointed and tired of it than angry. Only 2 months ago I found out he'd been concealing how much money he actually owed on his credit card. Technically his finances were nothing to do with me at the time, but he didn't need to lie and chose to do so anyway.
His reasons for concealing things are usually because he didn't want to worry me, or that he thought I'd disapprove.
I've already decided that he can't move in. What I'm struggling to decide is whether to continue as we are or break up. The positives of the relationship far outnumber the negatives, it's just that the negatives are a big deal to me. Deception means no trust and I think I either have to accept that he won't change and live with it or break up.
Please help me see things objectively. The fact our relationship is so good and loving, and that I would truly miss us being together, is making it hard to think rationally.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Fibs and omitting information for an easy life
MattBerrysHair · 14/11/2020 16:18
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