Social media stalking?

[alm23x]

Hi, it's my first post here so be kind!! Lol. Also still learning all the abbreviations so go easy on me with your replies 😂

Basically I'm just wondering how much interest your partners / SO's take in your social media posts - whether this be what you share, pictures, statuses, just in general?
For example - how many likes you get, how often you post, who likes your things, who follows you etc.

[MancMale46]

Get off social media. It is the curse of all relationships. Concentrate on being happy and investing time in said relationship. Get off social.

[alm23x]

I'm not sure I agree that you can't have FB and a healthy marriage..

[Twickerhun]

Limited to saying ‘that’s a nice photo’ if I post a pic nothing else

[Nailgirl]

I hate it. I was stalked endlessly despite changing my name etc.

[litterbird]

Can you give us a little more background...what is happening for you to post about this?

[ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble]

None. He only used Twitter which I don't.

He used to have FB year ago when we first started dating but even then he didn't really show any interest in policing my activity.

[alm23x]

I was hoping to get some replies about what other people's partners were like before sharing why I'm asking just so I can see what the 'norm' is really.

Basically, my husband seems to check exactly who's liked every photo that I post (for reference, its mostly of the kids or me & the kids, once every few months it might be a pic of me and my friends if we've been out..I know all my social media friends/followers...whether that be from years ago or recently). He questions me as to why certain men have liked stuff....for example I posted a picture of me and my friends and I had to explain who each man was that had liked the picture....asked if I had been messaging them...has been through some of my male friends pictures to check how many pictures of theirs I've ever liked...I asked him to take a picture of me when we were pumpkin picking with the kids and he says comments like "why so you can post it on Instagram and _ can like it?". Ive had to delete two men recently because he asks me constantly why they like my posts and that must mean I'm talking to them. One I worked with 10 years ago and the other was an old friend from about 12yrs ago so I wasn't bothered about deleting them, but surely I shouldn't have to?! Am I just being defensive? It makes me question what I share and I limit what I do share now & i don't put any pictures of myself on anymore because it's not worth an argument..

[alm23x]

Sorry if the above doesn't make sense...in a nutshell...he checks what I post, who likes it, has questioned why I don't post about him enough, why I follow people, why people follow me. And I should say we've been together 10 years, married 6 & I've never been unfaithful to make him feel this way x

[ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble]

@alm23x

I was hoping to get some replies about what other people's partners were like before sharing why I'm asking just so I can see what the 'norm' is really.

Basically, my husband seems to check exactly who's liked every photo that I post (for reference, its mostly of the kids or me & the kids, once every few months it might be a pic of me and my friends if we've been out..I know all my social media friends/followers...whether that be from years ago or recently). He questions me as to why certain men have liked stuff....for example I posted a picture of me and my friends and I had to explain who each man was that had liked the picture....asked if I had been messaging them...has been through some of my male friends pictures to check how many pictures of theirs I've ever liked...I asked him to take a picture of me when we were pumpkin picking with the kids and he says comments like "why so you can post it on Instagram and _ can like it?". Ive had to delete two men recently because he asks me constantly why they like my posts and that must mean I'm talking to them. One I worked with 10 years ago and the other was an old friend from about 12yrs ago so I wasn't bothered about deleting them, but surely I shouldn't have to?! Am I just being defensive? It makes me question what I share and I limit what I do share now & i don't put any pictures of myself on anymore because it's not worth an argument..

Definitely not normal or healthy.

[litterbird]

I had a feeling there was a background story. I am sorry you are having to deal with this. My partner has never questioned about who has liked any of my photos. I have never had a conversation similar to what you and your husband have around questioning why someone has liked a photo. My previous long term relationship was the same, he never checked or questioned anything on my Facebook account. Is there an underlying issue around jealousy with your husband or insecurity with him that has been around for sometime or is this behaviour new to the marriage?

[SparklyOwl]

My husband doesn’t check at all. Unless it comes up on my newsfeed, I don’t check what he has posted or is on his page either.

[Eckhart]

His insecurity has nothing to do with whether you've been unfaithful, or anything you've done. It's his.

You're not being defensive. He's being controlling. You can do what you like with anyone you like.

If it's not worth the argument, tell him there is no argument. 'You don't control who I get to be friends with. End of discussion.'

Is he jealous/controlling in other ways?

[alm23x]

Yes there's alot more to it than just this one issue, not sure I'm ready to write/talk about it all but yes..this isn't the only control/jealousy issue we have. Or he has, I should say. I feel emotional even reading the replies & being told that I'm not going crazy thinking that this isn't normal because I literally get anxiety when I upload things, just incase someone likes it that might set him off

[katy1213]

That's the modern equivalent of opening your mail. I'd be telling him what he could do with himself in no uncertain terms - but I guess you've been letting him get away with his nasty paranoid behaviour for quite some time? Small-minded little man!

[alm23x]

I think there's probably lots of behaviours that I put up with that I don't even realise aren't "normal"..

[Gojetter95]

What youve described isnt a healthy level of interest he sounds insecure or controlling, the comments I get from OH are thats a nice picture on anything I post (or a like/love/laugh reaction) only time he asks 'who is...' is when one of my friends that he doesnt know or is struggling to remember comments on one of his uploads that he has tagged me in.

[DPotter]

My DP couldn't give 2 hoots.

He's s friend on Facebook but rarely comments on line although he may say something to me about a post I've done. He's never commented on who else comments - not on his radar.

Given your updates - yes you have a controller for a husband

[category12]

It's wrong and out of the ordinary that he's doing this.

He''s clearly insanely possessive and jealous. It's all kinds of wrong that you're deleting friends and worrying about what you post because of his reactions.

[Eckhart]

You are 100% not going crazy. Your alarm bells are ringing because you know deep down that this isn't right. If you were taking notice of your inner voice, and validating your own feelings, you wouldn't need to post on MN about this. But it's good you have. You'll get a lot of validation here!

Learn to listen to that voice inside you that's making you question his behaviour. That voice is the real you. It won't lie to you because it's your true self, and as such, deserves to be heard and respected.

I imagine this has been going on for a long time, so that voice will be feeling more and more silenced. That's your personal boundaries being further and further eroded. He's manipulating you. Don't let this get any worse. It's time to put your foot down.

[litterbird]

When you are ready or if you feel comfortable you might like to share with us some other issues. Sometimes writing them down and getting them aired will allow you to see things from a different perspective. Quite often the behaviours have happened for so long they feel normal when they might not be normal or healthy for you. Whenever you are ready and strong enough to let them out MNers will be here.

[alm23x]

He definitely is insecure and controlling, I'm not sure why. He had a few counselling sessions recently (his way of getting me to stay - really long story) but I am sure he wasn't fully open to the woman and left alot of important information out...doesn't seem to have taken much from the sessions at all really but when I ask him about it he just says "you've never had counselling before so how do you know"

[Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel]

Mine is all cats,dogs and horses. My DH couldn't care less what I post on my SM. It's not healthy OP.

[alm23x]

Thank you everyone for being really kind...wasn't expecting to get deep on here, was just expecting a few replies about whether or not your OHs were the same as mine and that would be it...now I feel emotional and I have no idea why.. Just popping the children to bed and il be back x

[alm23x]

Eckhart, youl never understand how much I needed to read that x

[litterbird]

It sounds like you are on the verge of getting out permanently from someone who has controlled you for a long time and wants to continue to control you. Well done for starting to talk about it. Its so hard when you have been affected by these behaviours.