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Should I get invited on OH's family trips?

(55 Posts)
BarryWhiteIsMyBrother Wed 04-Nov-20 18:34:40

My OH and I have been dating for just over two years. We don't live together and have no intention of doing so as we love our current set up and see each other every weekend, sometimes during the week if work allows it (we live over an hour away from each other), and go away on long weekends, with friends, etc.

I don't have any family nearby but he has all of his within walking distance of his house. I have met them and we get on well. Lately I have been wondering whether it's odd that when they go away (a couple of times a year) for a few days (my bf, his elderly parents, his brother, his son and his live-in partner) I don't get asked along. I don't mind because I don't think I'd enjoy spending a long weekend with them but I've begun to wonder whether it's odd that they don't ask me along given I've been dating my bf for two years now. In a way it's better because I would not like to go, but should I be offended? I know it's not an issue because I'd rather not go but in principle, should I be disappointed/offended?

OP’s posts: |
user1493413286 Wed 04-Nov-20 18:36:36

I think I’d expect to be invited but more by my DP than his family as surely that’s where it would come from

TheMandalorian Wed 04-Nov-20 18:38:25

It is odd your oh hasn't even asked if you would like to come along. Unless you have been quite vocal about disliking that sort of trip in the past.
But, you've also probably dodged a bullet.

Disfordarkchocolate Wed 04-Nov-20 18:38:30

I would be fine with this. I would feel differently if we lived together though.

SocialBees Wed 04-Nov-20 18:39:04

As your partner's brother's partner is invited, then I think it's reasonable for you to want to be invited too. Two years is a fairly long time. Have you spoken to your partner about this?

Although maybe best not to raise it if you'd rather not go anyway!

grassisjeweled Wed 04-Nov-20 18:39:16

Hmm, careful what you wish for!

Meowza74 Wed 04-Nov-20 18:39:40

grassisjeweled

Hmm, careful what you wish for!


This!

Aquamarine1029 Wed 04-Nov-20 18:39:54

My guess is that because you don't live together his family don't really consider you to be their son's partner, just a girlfriend. It could be that your boyfriend doesn't want you to go. Since you wouldn't want to go anyway, I fail to understand why you're wondering if you should be offended.

MiddleClassProblem Wed 04-Nov-20 18:42:00

I’m average you see each other every fortnight. Are you in the U.K.? I’m assuming you didn’t lock down together.

It sounds like it’s a more casual relationship just due to the frequency so maybe that’s why?

RedskyAtnight Wed 04-Nov-20 18:46:30

Maybe they've suggested it and your OH has said you wouldn't be interested?

KarmaNoMore Wed 04-Nov-20 18:46:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BarryWhiteIsMyBrother Wed 04-Nov-20 18:47:04

I have no idea whether it's down to him or his family - he was keen for me to meet them and he's met all my close friends. Since I met his family we see them every weekend for a cup of tea (Covid permitting).

I've never brought up the subject of his family trips because I wouldn't want to go. I forgot to say however that they did ask me over for Christmas day from the start (managed to avoid going).

As for the lockdown, yes we locked down together.

OP’s posts: |
HollowTalk Wed 04-Nov-20 18:48:54

Oh god, count yourself lucky! It's weird they don't ask you but a huge blessing in disguise from the sound of it. I bet the other SIL is jealous as hell.

MiddleClassProblem Wed 04-Nov-20 18:49:24

Sorry, I read it as every other weekend.

If you see them so much that makes it quite odd in particular.

BarryWhiteIsMyBrother Wed 04-Nov-20 18:57:49

My BF has told me not to say anything to my OH or she will then have to listen to me complain about having to go away with them grin

OP’s posts: |
Lightsontbut Wed 04-Nov-20 20:07:06

It might be that the casual relationship status and your turning down the Xmas invite means that they don't think you'd be interested.

FunTimes2020 Wed 04-Nov-20 20:31:38

Lightsontbut

It might be that the casual relationship status and your turning down the Xmas invite means that they don't think you'd be interested.

I was coming on to say similar

BarryWhiteIsMyBrother Wed 04-Nov-20 20:49:31

I hadn't thought of that. Let's see if they ask me over for Xmas this year...

OP’s posts: |
widespreadpanic Wed 04-Nov-20 21:13:07

I agree with @Lightsontbut.

aboutbloodytime123 Wed 04-Nov-20 21:24:07

This happened to me earlier this year! DP (of 3 years) parents organised a holiday for them, him and his DB + SIL + DC. He told me about it and asked if I would like to come with my own DC (who are not his) but it seemed clear to me that I was not invited (after all the whole thing had already been booked..!)
I said he needed to check with his family to make sure we were included... Next thing I hear the parents announce that they have decided not go and we can have their apartment... Awkward!
In the end the hol was cancelled and I was so relieved because it was just really embarrassing.
I didn't expect to be included as we don't live together and his folks have never met my DC. But DP insisted. So my advice is tread carefully!

SandyY2K Wed 04-Nov-20 21:32:00

I know it's not an issue because I'd rather not go but in principle, should I be disappointed/offended?

I find it a bit strange that you're asking how you should feel. You feel how you feel really.

Given that you've said you'd rather not go anyway, perhaps they've all detected that vibe and don't want an awkward situation where you invent a reason why you can't go.

I also think that if you OH wanted you there and thought you'd be interested in going, he would have asked if you want to come along.

Relationships where you don't live together tend not to be seen as serious and as his brother has a child with his DP, they're more of a family unit.

MummaBear90 Wed 04-Nov-20 21:40:34

I would be offended if I was in a serious live in relationship but like others have said, yours does sound more casual (and like that will not change anytime soon). Given your feelings towards spending a period of time with your in-laws do you see a future/want more than what you have with your bf?
If not then there is no problem at all and you can relax, if you do then you will need to make more of an effort with them beyond a couple of hours every other week.

Feelinglost1919 Thu 05-Nov-20 04:27:05

The fact you’ve no family and he is not involving you in his, is just really cruel. I live overseas away from family and when friends involve me in their Xmas family dinners etc - it is very touching.
I would be so offended and hurt if my OH didn’t invite me along ! Massive red flag

VeryCuteApparently Thu 05-Nov-20 06:20:58

I thinknots less about how you feel and more about what it means really.

Which I think is possibly what you're asking..?

You don't mind so it doesnt matter what other people think or whether they would.

But it might matter to you how they perceive you and your relationship.

I agree that it's likely linked to you rejecting the christmas invitation but equally could reflect how they perceive your relationship in light of what your boyfriend has said to them about it.

I'd speak to him. It doesnt mean you'll be invited to everything - or even that you have to go! But it would provide some insight into why you dont get included.

Nicolastuffedone Thu 05-Nov-20 06:46:28

Me: yes, you definitely should be offended
Op: Thanks! From now on I’ll be very offended. Thanks for putting me
straight

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