Long time lurker
I dont know where to start
Been with dh 12.5years married 9.5 kids 7&4
The rship has probably been quite turmoil and abusive for some time. He is very aggressive and angry which very rarely turns physical but has...he has spat in my face, grabbed my throat, pushed me but thiese are stand alone incidents.
He gaslights me, im pretty sure and turns everything around always on me.
Back story is his work endeavours havent really worked out the last few years and he is earning very minimal (think trying new start ups) i run a successful business which i work several hours a week (50) and have staff too. I mostly manage house and kids too as i have some flexibility.
Partly this has enabled him to pursue his dreams, partly is has also made him feel like a trophy husband. Im not bothered by money im not particularly materialistic i am driven and i like to succeed. I know he is desperate to too. But because he hasnt been recently (last few yrs not just covid) it haa affected him and his general well being and i would say he is/was a broken man
Pre covid he was seeing a counsellor to talk through things which we had discussed would be good for him, but when covid hit as so much was work related he decided to stop it. Since then he has embarked in a few other prjects and he is trying hard.
Due to covid also i have taken on some extra work (office costs, furlough costs of my own staff and unable to furlough myself) it meant three days i week i really needed his help with the kids. He resented being a “glorified housewife trophy husband “ his words not mine,and we fought a lot. Eventually said to him we need marriage counselling or we are done.
Now the next bit. Mc starts next week.
However, i have become essentially involved in an emotional affair with my boss at work. I know this is wrong but i also really know that i would never do anything physical.
He is a similar age with two kids the same age in an awful marriage (so he says i appreicate) we talk a lot about life and all sorts, we have admitted to eachother than we are enjoying eachothers conversation and are thinking about them and i have been very clear that i would never cheat. I know its wrong even how much we are messaging and i would never have put myself here in a million year. When i wanted to kick mh dh out earlier this yesr i even said to my mum im very happy to be alone. I dont need a man so its very unexpected in any case. I also think people who cheat are such scum and im appauled at myself that i even find myself thinking to message this other man.
But my head is gone.
I wish marriage counselling would have started in july but is my marriage doomed anyway? I love my husband i wish he was the man i married and he is trying so hard now to help with the kids. I dont know where i am anymore or what my kids deserve. What i deserve? Sorry for the long thread
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Relationships
My head is gone...possibleEA
Headisgone · 30/10/2020 21:14
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