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Do I ask him for second date?

(24 Posts)
Radia111 Thu 29-Oct-20 10:01:25

Had first date yday but was not on form and due to various issues including covid restrictions we only managed to meet for an hour. He made a comment about how would be good to go on somewhere else but obviously couldn't in the cirumcstances. Some chit chat since (I thanked him) but nothing since last night.

I felt like we got on but not sure if he fancied me in the flesh?! Had a previous video call and he asked for a drink after that and made some jokey comments during the call about my appearance e.g. said I was hot, so feels a bit awkward.

I sort of want a re-run and to be a bit more put together / wear somethign more flattering as felt fine but a bit out of sort, altho guess that is not how these things work.

I liked him, not sure yet about chemistry, but definitely liked him.

Not sure whether to leave it for a bit and then ask how he fancies a drink next week and apologise for being a bit all over the place last time we met? I don't really feel like he will get in touch tbh and can see he has been on the app we met on since (which is fine but I feel like you dont do that if you meet someone you click with)

OP’s posts: |
litterbird Thu 29-Oct-20 10:06:03

Take the bull by the horns and contact him, either way you will know then you can stop the anxiousness. It can take quite a few dates to see how the chemistry works.

Radia111 Thu 29-Oct-20 10:45:06

thanks, how to phrase?

OP’s posts: |
SoVeryQuiet Thu 29-Oct-20 10:51:51

"Hey, I wondered if you fancied meeting up this weekend? I can bring a flask of hot chocolate and cake..."

Don't say anything about not being on top form. Don't apologise or explain yourself.

Either...

1) not being on top form.put him off so explaining won't make any difference
2) he noticed but would like to me again anyway so it's unnecessary
3) he wasn't bothered so its unnecessary.

Isthisnothing Thu 29-Oct-20 10:52:13

Hey, nice to meet you yesterday, shame it was so rushed. Do you fancy a drink Wednesday or Thursday next week?

Isthisnothing Thu 29-Oct-20 10:52:55

Defo don't explain about being all over the place.

SoVeryQuiet Thu 29-Oct-20 10:53:04

Or similar. Don't make it sound like you're asking him for a favour basically.

I asked a man on a date and told him I was taking hot chocolate and cake to the park if he fancied joining me. It worked.

Bunnymumy Thu 29-Oct-20 11:01:57

No harm in trying once more but only if you feel the convo flowed smile

I've being dating a lad during lockdown and not one date has been less thar 3 hours (tbf though we really get on, but it goes to show if you like someone's company - you can find things to do to prolong the date). We just wander about till we find somewhere else to hang. There are also museums and other things open. It's been fun thinking outside the box together.

Maybe look to see what is open in the area online before you go on the next date?

A quick first date isn't necessarily a bad sign though. I mean first dates are really just about deciding if you like them enough to see them ever again lol. No harm in suggesting a second one and judging it from there.

Radia111 Thu 29-Oct-20 11:02:54

The convo definitely flowed but not sure he fancied me?!

We actually met for an hour just before curfew in a pub in the cold & rain so there really was nowhere else to go lol

OP’s posts: |
Bunnymumy Thu 29-Oct-20 11:05:10

Yeah its not an easy time to date tbf.
Maybe suggest an afternoon date? More places will be open.

I guess all you can do is ask and see. If it feels he is umming and erring about the actual arrangements then you'll know he isn't interested. But agree with pp, take the bull by the horns.

Radia111 Thu 29-Oct-20 11:06:54

When we left pub he mentioned how it would be good to go on somewhere else, and then as we said goodbye he said would be nice to meet again. But again both could be politeness? But not complete lack of interest from him on date. He paid etc too

OP’s posts: |
Wanttobeonabeach Thu 29-Oct-20 11:21:42

Just ask him

Bunnymumy Thu 29-Oct-20 11:27:42

Sounds interested to me.
Saying once 'we should do this again sometime' might be politeness. Saying it twice, I would take as them showing interest.

MsJaneAusten Thu 29-Oct-20 11:28:26

You’re massively overthinking this. @Isthisnothing‘s response is perfect.

Hey, nice to meet you yesterday, shame it was so rushed. Do you fancy a drink Wednesday or Thursday next week?

Job done. Good luck flowers

Radia111 Thu 29-Oct-20 12:32:46

I asked, nothign to lose I guess - messaged around 30 mins ago and saw he has been active but no reply. Assuming it's a no but good to know

Wasn't sure about the chemistry myself but enjoyed the company and think sometimes these things can grow. Note to self, arrange dates when feeling more on form - was so stressed and did not feel myself

OP’s posts: |
MsJaneAusten Thu 29-Oct-20 12:37:20

Note to self, arrange dates when feeling more on form - was so stressed and did not feel myself

I think this is god advice to yourself. When I reflect back, my attitude towards dates definitely reflects my mood at the time.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, though?

Radia111 Thu 29-Oct-20 12:43:05

Ah ok got a message back. We are both single parents and he has said he is basically looking after his children all next week but can he let me know when he is next in our area? Brush off?

OP’s posts: |
Bunnymumy Thu 29-Oct-20 12:48:43

Yeah, brush off.

Either he was just looking for a one night stand and you dudnt oblige or he isn't feeling it.

Either give it a 'cool, no worries' text or maybe text back that it sounds like practical arrangements might be difficult moving forwards and so maybe best to just draw a line under things.

MsJaneAusten Thu 29-Oct-20 13:53:36

Yep. Sorry. That sounds like a brush off, but you know now, so you can move on without thinking ‘what if?’

shitinmyhandsandclap Thu 29-Oct-20 14:55:37

Bunnymumy

Yeah, brush off.

Either he was just looking for a one night stand and you dudnt oblige or he isn't feeling it.

Either give it a 'cool, no worries' text or maybe text back that it sounds like practical arrangements might be difficult moving forwards and so maybe best to just draw a line under things.

Definitely do not send either text, but especially not the practical arrangements one! Sounds like you'd totally have the hump with him if you sent that and you'd look a bit of a dick

Just leave it there OP, he'll be in touch if he wants to but don't wait around for him, keep your options open

shitinmyhandsandclap Thu 29-Oct-20 14:56:05

*you not you'd

Radia111 Thu 29-Oct-20 15:18:42

I sent a variation on the practical arrangements and now feel bad! Basically just said no worries but looks like things might be a bit difficult moving forward so should we leave it here. He said ok and good luck etc, then backtracked slightly as I felt bad and just said very good luck to him too... My previous message had come out a little wrongly but with our jobs/kids/lifestyles it did seem like maybe things were incompatible.

Am I ridiculous for just wanting a guy to either message saying they like you or they dont think youre a match? Haha. I just feel like if you have been talking for a while, had a decent time, spoken of maybe hanging out again, it is polite to say either way. And I do think ultimately he would have faded so glad to know really that he is not enthusiastic about it.

OP’s posts: |
Bunnymumy Thu 29-Oct-20 15:24:06

I think that was the right move.

I find most guys wont flat put tell you they arent interested because the ones that aren't...still want to keep their options open. And by that I pretty much mean keep you about to stroke their ego (or their dick).

Dating is brutal though but I think practicing being assertive is always useful. Helps you rule put time wasters.

Bunnymumy Thu 29-Oct-20 15:24:52

*out

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