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Child support

(12 Posts)
Festivalgirl83 Wed 28-Oct-20 09:51:16

I have just sold my house last week and split the equity 50/50 with my ex husband. He was giving me maintence in a way by paying a part of the mortgage until it obviously sold, he messaged me last night to say he will not give me any maintence and instead wants the kids 50/50. This wont work as it isn't in the best interest of the children especially my DD (10) as I always have to encourage her to go to her dads anyway as she cries when she has to go, says she hates him etc. As well as that we have moved 20 mins away so she is starting new clubs dance, gymnastics etc on the nights she is with me.
He currently has them twice one week and three nights the next.
We split as he left me, he had cheated numerous times and was alcohol dependent. I feel so upset today as I have been blamed for it all saying i drove him to do those things.
I don't care about the maintenance now but dont want to make my kids go there any more than they do 😥

OP’s posts: |
millymollymoomoo Wed 28-Oct-20 10:43:38

Have you had a final consent order attached to your divorce?
Put in a claim for cms now based on existing childcare arrangements
If he wants 50:50 and neither you nor the children agree, he’ll need to go to court to get a child arrangement order- and to do this he’ll need to demonstrate why it’s in the children’s best interests and what this will look like

Festivalgirl83 Wed 28-Oct-20 10:55:13

No not had decree nisi yet but I want some sort of consent order to protect my pension.
What can I do if he starts saying next week he is having them more? 😔

OP’s posts: |
MMmomDD Wed 28-Oct-20 11:03:04

He is just trying to save money.
You don’t have to change child arrangement if you don’t agree to it. How long has the current pattern been going on?
And don’t let him make you feel bad by laying blame for his behaviour on you.

I agree with the above - launch CMS claim on maintenance given current arrangement. And tell him that you aren’t agreeing to the change in the children’s arrangement as it’s not in their best interest. And that for ah changes - he’ll have to apply to court.
Just stay firm and not budge. He will try and try to scare and intimidate you.
Best strategy is to reply with the same wording and not engage in trying to convince him. Just repeat the same - any changes go through court.

He will most likely give up. Or, if he doesn’t, and in fact decides to go to court - you’ll make your case there and your daughter’s preference will also be taken into account.

MMmomDD Wed 28-Oct-20 11:41:16

If he says he is having them more - you tell him that you do not agree and he needs to apply to court to change existing arrangement.
And keep repeating that.

VimFuego101 Wed 28-Oct-20 11:48:14


If he says he is having them more - you tell him that you do not agree and he needs to apply to court to change existing arrangement.
And keep repeating that.

This. How old are all of the children? Is he likely to take them to clubs/ activities? At 10, your daughter's wishes should be factored in.

Jsku Wed 28-Oct-20 12:35:19

OP - why do you not have an agreed consent order?
I would not be selling houses and distributing proceeds before agreeing all the other financial issues....
If you did - there is no leverage and he can now ask for more, or at least be difficult about other financial agreements.
Do you have a solicitor???

Festivalgirl83 Wed 28-Oct-20 13:36:42

I havent got a consent order as haven't had the divorce yet, he applied in january but couldnt afford to pay the solicitor I dont think so never received the decree nisi.
I sold the house to buy with my partner and split the equity equally with my ex as i felt that was fair for me to do.
I will get one but believe I have to wait for the nisi first?
If I have a clean break consent order does that mean he doesnt pay maintenance anyway?

OP’s posts: |
millymollymoomoo Wed 28-Oct-20 14:04:35

You should t be buying anything with a new partner until you have had a final consent order !
Cms is completely separate to the divorce finances.
A clean break would mean no spousal maintenance not no child maintenance!

Jsku Wed 28-Oct-20 18:09:44

You really shouldn’t have waited to agree asset split before buying and splitting the money. Especially if you wanted to protect your pension - which he might or might not agree to anyway.
It’s not about being fair on one transaction - it’s about getting the right split.
Now you have no leverage as it seems.
Although without knowing more details it’s hard to tell.

Do not buy anything with your new partner before consulting with a legal professional.

category12 Wed 28-Oct-20 18:19:41

Crikey, you need to get your divorce financially settled before you buy with a new partner! Take a breath and stop rushing, you're going to land yourself in a right mess.

AlreadyGone44 Thu 29-Oct-20 19:45:04

Do the financial separation ASAP. If you buy a new property without that in place your Ex may have a claim to the new house. You've lost any bargaining power you had by splitting the house without settling the rest. If your pension is much bigger than his he may well come after it. I don't know the exact process in the UK, but financial settlement is usually done before the divorce is finalised. It's part of cutting the legal ties that are created by marriage.

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