SIL got a new boyfriend just before lockdown in March, I knew his name was 'Tom' (it's not but equally as common a name) but nothing else. The first time we saw her after lockdown I asked about him in front of her and DH, genuinely interested and happy for her. That night I got home and checked her Facebook friends just out of curiosity and felt absolutely fucking sick when I realised it was a guy I'd slept with before. I still haven't mentioned it to her or DH, hoping it would go away and they'd break up (I know that's cruel) but I just didn't want to deal with it. The second time I saw her I was so anxious he'd turn up and DH kept asking me what was wrong and I pretended I was feeling sick. I didn't ask her about him once the whole day and actively didn't participate in any conversations they had that involved his name. Thankfully he wasn't there.
DH has since met him twice, I bailed at the last minute both times pretending I wasn't well. DH went down again yesterday to visit her and his mum, and he came back chuffed to bits saying that SIL is pregnant and they're engaged.
What do I do? Is this not as big a deal as it is in my head? I'm so anxious I could throw up every time I think about it, which is pretty constant. The ONS was in 2012, it was ages ago, but the thing is not only is it horrific to have slept with my future brother in law, the night is a really bad memory for me. It was the only one night stand I have ever had where I'd met them that night and didn't know them, and it really affected me. I had just got out of a long term relationship and it just felt so wrong, he stopped at one point and said he didn't want to continue if I wasn't into it at which point I apologised and said I was, and went with it. For years after I wished I'd stopped at that point. I got home and showered about 7 times and felt really low for weeks. I don't blame him, he checked on me, but it was just a bad experience for me and I don't want to be faced with it.
I'm really torn. DH knows about all my serious relationships, we've never gone into details of casual things besides me telling him that I had one ONS and hated it so much I'd never do it again. I just can't believe it's such a small world and such shoddy luck that it's this guy.
This is long and rambly and embarrassing to post but I feel like everyone's going to hate me and I don't know how to handle it.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Slept with 'brother in law'
YellowLellow · 26/10/2020 19:28
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