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Would you date someone you didn't fancy?

(71 Posts)
Heidi3333 Mon 26-Oct-20 17:03:41

Just wondering...
Someone I like as a friend (don't know him very well really) confessed his feelings for me at the weekend. I don't think he's bad looking but I just don't see him 'that' way. I've told him that I'd like to see each other as friends and see how things go. I'm not sure if my feelings will change.

Would you consider dating someone you weren't sexually attracted to? Have you in the past and ended up being wildly atttracted to them?

This guy had a lot going for him on paper but I just can't imagine getting intimate with him!

OP’s posts: |
seensome Mon 26-Oct-20 17:08:30

No I wouldn't and I wouldn't be friends with someone that fancied me either, I wouldn't want that to be the reason for friendship, he will only get hurt in the long run so best let him down gently.

BuffayTheVampireLayer Mon 26-Oct-20 17:09:26

I wouldn't again.

I did the first time and ended up mildly attracted which ended up as a long relationship with DCs. The attraction was never enough though and deep down I knew it but because he was a good man, I ignored it. Over time it got worse, I got the ick, and it was just awful. I was desperately unhappy and I can now see that, whilst he wasn't a bad person, he wasn't a great partner either.

I'm now with someone who I am madly attracted to and I would never make the same mistake again.

AfterSchoolWorry Mon 26-Oct-20 17:10:11


Enough4me Mon 26-Oct-20 17:11:15

Does he give you the ick or feel like family, or is it just that you've never flirted before?

CutCopyPastedLikeYou Mon 26-Oct-20 17:15:13

I dated someone I didn't particularly fancy last year. After a month or so, I fancied the pants off him. Was a bit weird really but we really clicked.

Sadly it all fell apart after about 13 months due to lockdown and us both having children at different stages.

I still miss him.

I wouldn't date someone who gave me the ick though.

Ellabella989 Mon 26-Oct-20 17:16:36

I did it with my ex and we became more like friends as I just didn’t feel sexual chemistry towards him

StephenBelafonte Mon 26-Oct-20 17:21:02

No there's no point. Hormones don't lie.

milfinthehouse Mon 26-Oct-20 17:34:55

no. what a stupid question

Eckhart Mon 26-Oct-20 17:38:04

How would you feel if you found out that the person you were dating had never had those sort of feelings for you? Would you be happy to make another person feel that way?

widespreadpanic Mon 26-Oct-20 22:59:26

I did twice. The first time I was rebounding and got knocked up. But even that wasn’t enough for me to be with him cause I didn’t like him like that. I knew things would end ugly if I stayed with him.

And now I’m seeing someone that we are good friends and he’s digging me but he doesn’t really do much for me. I wish I desired him like he does me but even years later I just don’t. 😕

Greeneyes78 Mon 26-Oct-20 23:29:17

See what happens for you op

bumblenbean Mon 26-Oct-20 23:37:48

I did this and it didn’t end well blush

Met a guy and he was incredibly funny, great fun and just an all round a great bloke- but I wasn’t attracted to him. Foolishly I thought it would grow and just sort of went along with it- next thing I know we’re living together and in a LTR.

The problem was I did fall in love with him but it became increasingly obvious to him that I just didn’t fancy him enough and it caused massive amounts of hurt - we talked about marriage but in the end we broke up because he couldn’t get past (understandably!) knowing that I wasn’t attracted to him the way he was to me. We had so much fun together and in some ways I didn’t want it to end, but it clearly wasn’t fair on either of us. The break up was bloody awful and I felt so guilty and stupid for not putting a stop to it sooner, but I’d genuinely fallen for him and just kept hoping the chemistry would grow. I ended up really damaging his self esteem and I can imagine how crap I’d feel if it transpired my partner didn’t fancy me and never had sad

That said, I do know of people who haven’t felt the initial spark but it’s come later and they ended up really happy. So I guess it’s worth giving it a bit of time if he’s otherwise a nice guy and you enjoy his company - But if not just be sure to nip it in the bud quicker than I did!

B1rdflyinghigh Tue 27-Oct-20 00:35:14

It was like living with my brother and 10 years later we split up. I couldnt have divorced a nicer man though, truly lovely, but never fell for him.

JuliaJohnston Tue 27-Oct-20 00:42:38

Why are you even considering this? Do you feel sorry for him, or something?

Notapheasantplucker Tue 27-Oct-20 05:23:46

No, I wouldn't. I couldn't have sex with someone I wasn't attracted to.

Eesha Tue 27-Oct-20 05:34:14

Yes, I think it's always worth giving things a chance if someone is lovely on paper. I just know lots of couples who are more friends than mad passionate anymore so I don't think it's as important.

RickOShay Tue 27-Oct-20 05:54:25

I would give it a go.

footprintsintheslow Tue 27-Oct-20 06:19:39

Yes because friendship and trust is what you need in the long run anyway.

Palavah Tue 27-Oct-20 06:35:17

Yes. But only when feelings are actually developing.

At this point is there anything that intrigues you about him, that makes you wonder about whether you might want to kiss him?

wherestheotherone Tue 27-Oct-20 06:41:32

Yes but you have to really like them as a person and be guaranteed a good time.

I couldn't if they were like a brother because that would be icky.

I couldn't have sex with them until the spark was there.

Palavah Tue 27-Oct-20 06:45:28

Oh god yeah, you don't have sex with them until you actually want to. You don't kiss them until you're interested in kissing them.

Just, sometimes a kiss surprises you with how good it is. And stuff progresses. And sometimes it doesn't.

readingismycardio Tue 27-Oct-20 06:48:03

No. I did it. I didn't fancy him at all. I knew he was a good and kind man. As a pp said, I got the ick in a couple of years and started to resent him real quick. I became miserable and I dumped him.

Not very long after (a year) I found my now DH. Handsome, smart and a great partener.

Life is too short to settle for less than you want.

AutumnShrubs Tue 27-Oct-20 06:50:28

What possible reason could you have for dating someone you didn't fancy?

I'd be devastated if I found out I was dating someone who wasn't sexually attracted to me/didn't fancy me. For most people that's a pretty basic component of a relationship.

What a horrible thing to do to a person.

I see there are many replies telling you that you should because friendship in a relationship is what counts or you might come to fancy them.

Have any of you considered the other person?

Just stay single until you meet someone you do fancy and let him meet someone who fancies him. You can't be that desperate for a boyfriend surely?

OnlyTheLangoftheTitBerg Tue 27-Oct-20 07:01:12

I went on a date with someone I didn’t really fancy but who was a lovely person. He didn’t give me the ick, I’d just never really thought of him as anything other than a kind, thoughtful friend.

One date later, goodbye kiss in his car at the end and bingo! Full on fanny gallops.

He’s just this minute got out of bed to feed the cat, 29 years later...

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