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Dp ended it out of the blue

(86 Posts)
1moreRep Mon 26-Oct-20 16:14:42

So I can't believe I'm writing this. Last week I was literally daydreaming of dp proposing, and this morning he's told me he's really unhappy and is thinking about ending it. I've agreed to give him space but since then It's like he's had a personality transplant, become all mean, as if he's emotionally cut me off.

we own a house together (the sale of my last place was the deposit but we have a deed of trust to protect that money) have 2 dogs and I have 2 dds 11 and 9, from a previous relationship.

We both work and have alright jobs but I'm literally in my dream home and feel like he's pulled out the rug from under my feet. We only bought the house 15 months ago, and we're talking of marriage recently. I am just heartbroken

Shocked and trying to understand where this has come from

OP’s posts: |
1moreRep Mon 26-Oct-20 16:16:42

I don't think there's another woman as we share our hobby and he would struggle to find time, but I asked him and he told me there wasn't.

I'm just gob smacked, he is moody and stone walked me this weekend and for once I hadn't done anything wrong so couldn't understand it then today ended it

OP’s posts: |
1moreRep Mon 26-Oct-20 16:18:33

I feel like I'm falling and can't stop crying

He just has these standards I can't keep up with so says it's not fair to ask me to change and that he doesn't feel he wil eve be happy

OP’s posts: |
Shoxfordian Mon 26-Oct-20 16:20:11

What standards can't you keep up with?

Aquamarine1029 Mon 26-Oct-20 16:20:28

I'm very sorry op, but so far he's following The Script to the letter. Him rewriting history will begin soon. I would bet there's another woman.

Anotheruser02 Mon 26-Oct-20 16:21:40

He doesn't sound like a catch moody, stonewalling, high standards. It jumped out at me that you said 'for once I hadn't done anything wrong'. Does he usually make you feel like you have done things wrong?

SanFranBear Mon 26-Oct-20 16:22:30

So sorry to hear this, 1morerep - it has obviously come out of the blue for you. But it does sound like hes known for some time he wants to end it - and whilst there may not be an OW, it is a common reason for such a sea change in his behaviour.

Mind you, he has standards? Sounds like a bit of a prick...

However, that doesn't help you now. Start making some lists; can you stay in the home without him? What benefits might you be entitled to?

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 26-Oct-20 16:22:33

What is he unhappy about?. It sounds like he has checked out altogether so do not further do the pick me dance re him. If he wants space then tell him he can have this by moving out.

He has indeed pulled the rug from under your feet and I would seek legal advice re the property asap. Would it be possible going forward to make you the sole mortgage holder or would the house have to be sold?.

There is also the possibility he has met someone else.

StartingGridGo Mon 26-Oct-20 16:23:30

Sorry this has happened to you.

People are entitled to end relationships if they're not happy. But it's crap for the person who wants the relationship to keep going.

The best thing you can do is ask him when he'll be moving out - after all, he needs space right?! Tell him it's not going to work for you having him still living "with space" while he's deciding if he's ending the relationship, he can do that elsewhere.

TwentyViginti Mon 26-Oct-20 16:24:03

Oh just let the self obsessed arse go.

he is moody and stone walked me this weekend and for once I hadn't done anything wrong so couldn't understand it then today ended it

So he is a sulky, moody manchild with 'standards' you struggle to keep up with. He's no loss. You'll see that in time.

cherrybakewelllll Mon 26-Oct-20 16:24:36

Guarantee there's another woman. He might not have actioned anything with her yet but he's thinking about doing so.

sonjadog Mon 26-Oct-20 16:25:03

He is moody, stonewalls you, makes things your fault and has impossibly high standards? He doesn´t sound like a good guy at all. As much as you like your house, it isn´t enough to make it worth staying with someone who isn´t nice to you.

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 26-Oct-20 16:25:10

What standards of his haven't you been able to and cannot keep up with?.

You have done nothing wrong here; this is all on him and this is no reflection whatsoever on you as a person. Look at the entitled to website re benefits.

TwentyViginti Mon 26-Oct-20 16:28:11

Anotheruser02

He doesn't sound like a catch moody, stonewalling, high standards. It jumped out at me that you said 'for once I hadn't done anything wrong'. Does he usually make you feel like you have done things wrong?

I'm betting the answer is yes. This type of man is often found in heart- rending threads here, with the OP struggling.

OhCaptain Mon 26-Oct-20 16:29:57

What do you mean 'for once you haven't done anything wrong'?

CrimsonCattery Mon 26-Oct-20 16:32:58

Hmm these standards sound like the key and the fact you feel a failure against them. Does he often punish you emotionally for not 'measuring up' because that sounds potentially abusive?

There is a difference e.g. if he wants a relatively calm, tidy house and does plenty of housework but you are messy and shouty then his standards are not unreasonable.

If, however, he requires you to always look perfect and slim and be a Stepford wife whereas you are just normal then he is the problem.

Prokupatuscrakedatus Mon 26-Oct-20 16:34:07

He does not sound like a great loss to me...

PicsInRed Mon 26-Oct-20 16:49:13

we own a house together (the sale of my last place was the deposit but we have a deed of trust to protect that money)

Just wanted to say well done you for protecting yourself and your ability to provide for the kids. Good for you.

I'm afraid he does sound like one of those head-turned men. It will hurt so physically badly now, but it will prove to be for the best in the long run that you may walk away with your 2 girls by an ex and your deposit intact - and you can leave such a man properly behind you. flowers

Mum4Fergus Mon 26-Oct-20 16:57:03

He sounds like a big moody child! Do yourself and your DC a huge favour and end it while he just sits around 'thinking about ending it' - do not let him keep you dangling thanks

1moreRep Mon 26-Oct-20 17:18:43

He has really high cleaning standards but we tend to do it together but often mine isn't right.

Used to be my appearance, as in effort made, then sex etc etc I do make an effort, I always initiate sex etc

OP’s posts: |
1moreRep Mon 26-Oct-20 17:19:49

I know as I'm writing this how fucked up the relationship was/is - but I thought he was happy

He thinks we're more friends, but that's what a good relationship is based on right ?

OP’s posts: |
Guiltypleasures001 Mon 26-Oct-20 17:24:37

He put you in a position of never being able to meet his standards and now he's
Taken your future your money and your kids home
He's been playing you from the start, and this is the next act in this abusers
Armoury.

He will grind you and the kids down until you barely exist unless he says so,
You need to make an exit plan.
You can't fight this battle so it's time to leave the field

10questions Mon 26-Oct-20 17:27:42

He sounds horrible anyway.

TwentyViginti Mon 26-Oct-20 17:29:21

1moreRep

He has really high cleaning standards but we tend to do it together but often mine isn't right.

Used to be my appearance, as in effort made, then sex etc etc I do make an effort, I always initiate sex etc

Do not waste your life on placating this utter cunt.

Aquamarine1029 Mon 26-Oct-20 17:40:30

I would be asking him why he bothered to purchase a home with someone who is so obviously flawed and insufficient. hmm

What an insufferable prick.

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