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Would you continue in this ?

(48 Posts)
Whatkatiedid389 Sun 25-Oct-20 22:29:55

If a guy you had been seeing for a bit asked you your financial history. Then asking what amount the loan was and what purpose it was for. Then said the fact that you have an overdraft 'scares' him.
Loads of people have them and i've paid a lot of it off.
None of his business at all really is it, and he's hardly rolling in money himself so who is he to judge ?
Told him and he apologised.

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Whatkatiedid389 Sun 25-Oct-20 22:31:17

I pressed send too early.
Makes jokes about 'groups of hot women'. Like for his job he said he will get a 'group of hot promo girls to promote it'

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Lozzerbmc Sun 25-Oct-20 22:34:40

The answer is no - he is sexist and whats your financial situation got to do with him! Dump and move on!

Whatkatiedid389 Sun 25-Oct-20 22:36:17

Yeah, he said to me "What was the reason for your loan ?", it's like he's a debt advisor or something. And constantly talking about how bad it is to be in an overdraft and how I should ask my parents for support etc.
It's really none of his business at all and it made me feel crap.

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HollowTalk Sun 25-Oct-20 22:38:18

Tell him that you have won the lottery and you don't want to see him again.

MarthasGinYard Sun 25-Oct-20 22:38:40

If it's someone you are just dating then asking about your financial intricacies is rude and nosey.

'Hot girls'

He sounds like an idiot, yes it would put me off.

Whatkatiedid389 Sun 25-Oct-20 22:39:22

The thing is, he hardly has any money to speak of so I don't know what sort of position he thinks he's in to judge others. Could be projecting insecurity onto me.

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MarthasGinYard Sun 25-Oct-20 22:40:25

'If I wanted financial advice I'd hardly ask you, I mean really'....

Whatkatiedid389 Sun 25-Oct-20 22:40:42

Also once whilst we were in a café he grabbed my phone off me because he thought I was texting someone else, which I wasn't and wouldn't.

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MarthasGinYard Sun 25-Oct-20 22:42:07

Definitely get rid

BaronessBomburst Sun 25-Oct-20 22:42:22

I'd dump him for the 'hot girls' comments.
The financial prying I might have forgive as I wouldn't want to get involved with someone who was financially feckless either. He was very tactless about it though.

ittooshallpass Sun 25-Oct-20 22:42:57

Oh get rid of him, he sounds like an idiot. And please tell me why you even answered his questions about your finances?! Absolutely none of his business!

category12 Sun 25-Oct-20 22:43:26


None of this sounds nice. What's the difficulty? He seems a bit of a dick, therefore dump.

BaronessBomburst Sun 25-Oct-20 22:43:35

Okay, based on your last post I'd definitely dump. Sexist and controlling.

EKGEMS Sun 25-Oct-20 22:43:50

Tell him his village phoned and they're missing their idiot and to return stat

Whatkatiedid389 Sun 25-Oct-20 22:44:16

I have now gotten myself into a much better position frankly, overdraft nearly gone, earning more than I spend etc. And I was honest with him. He did make me feel rubbish though.
He's made that girls comment more than once now.

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Onthemaintrunkline Sun 25-Oct-20 22:47:42

He ‘grabbed’ your phone, and he’s busying himself in your financials, if you don’t walk away from this, it’s only going in one direction - he’s going to see you stand for this control and exert more!

Whatkatiedid389 Sun 25-Oct-20 22:49:27

I think he's pretty insecure and stuck in life, and I really tried to support him etc. But I think he's projecting onto me and making me out to need help etc.

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BritInAus Sun 25-Oct-20 22:58:50

He sounds gross! Do you really need to ask?!

midsomermurderess Sun 25-Oct-20 23:02:25

He's making you feel uncomfortable. That is not a good start to a relationship.

Whatkatiedid389 Sun 25-Oct-20 23:07:00

After around 10 dates and months of talking his phone rang when we were together, and he said 'i'm just with a mate.' I challenged him about it and he said we could be exclusive.
Would you see that as a red flag ? Even if I wasn't a girlfriend, calling me his 'mate' on the phone seemed disrespectful.

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chickenyhead Sun 25-Oct-20 23:08:11



Don't look back

Whatkatiedid389 Sun 25-Oct-20 23:13:06

He used to talk a lot about his ex. At one point I realised he had talked about her the last 3 days on the trot, this was a girl he broke up with over 3 years ago.
I told him, and he was apologetic and stopped doing it. Don't have an issue with talking about exes as we all have a past, but talking about a specific one and nearly every day is just odd.
Then he was over and he was searching somebody on Facebook. I saw that he had searched for said ex about 10 times on his searches.
I didn't say anything and pretended I hadn't seen, I know feelings are complex and even myself I occasionally feel hurt about how exes treated me even if I would never date them now, but not sure if it's a red flag or not. I'd never talk constantly about an ex to someone i'm dating.

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PicsInRed Sun 25-Oct-20 23:17:03

He's a cocklodger. He's concerned with your finances because he considers them his finances.

He's attempting to emotionally abuse you into thinking he's a catch and taking what hell give you.

I bet he asks for a loan soon.

1forAll74 Sun 25-Oct-20 23:43:48

Stop taking about him, stop thinking about him, stop seeing him. He sounds very unsuitable for any relationship.

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