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Was my partner in the wrong?

(179 Posts)
alesha123445 Sat 24-Oct-20 12:40:43

This happened only 30minutes ago and I've gone on my phone to vent my upset.

My baby fell off my nans bed a couple weeks ago, we cosleep and I've never had an issue with her even comeing close to falling off. I always make it safe for her with pillows and I'm always watching her with the monitor. At my nans I was feeding her to sleep.. my bladders bad so had to run the toilet because I was peeing myself.. she happened to wake when I left, roll atleast 5 times straight off the side that I didnt protect. It was a mistake and I felt so bad about it, I still do. I asked my partner not to say anything because she always goes on about putting her in the cot and why I shouldn't cosleep, I also didnt want thhe judgment. He agreed not to.

This morning my baby crawled and banged her head, she has two little Mark's on her forehead where a little bit of skin came off, it looks scratched more than banged. I was there with her but I didnt realise she was going to bang her head, I know I'm in the wrong for it.

The mil came in before and asked what happened, I told her she banged her head and my partner came and goes "she doesnt look after her properly" It annoyed me because it's all I do so i said "shut the fuk up" the mil in disgust of me swearing turned her back to me and ignored me. 5mins later after that, be comes back up to moan about all the clothes at the bottom of the stairs (we have had no woordrobe, it's just been built 2 days ago and I just needed to find the time to start sorting through it all as it's a big job with the baby) as he was moaning at me for it, I was explaining why I said fuk off because i really try to be a good mum. He hears and says "she doesnt look after her, let's just say. Shes had some high falls" the mil looked at me disgusted waiting for me to spill the information. I basically said she fell off the bed at my nans, she then goes On about how i should put her in the cot and how it's so dangerous to put her in the bed.. as I knew she would. She then says "in the day time just put her in the cot with her toys to get used to it" my partner goes "put the baby in there now" at this point i was getting really annoyed and started snapping at them both, i felt really on the spot and judged as a mum. The mil could tell i was getting annoyed and stopped but my partner carried on. "I said I dont want to put her in the cot, shes fine cosleeping" he keeps sayingg "put her in the cot now" I kept saying no, just shut up now. I get upset so I go in my phone to try and mask it, he then goes on about how misreble I'm being because I'm on my phone. 5 mins later he picks up a pair of socks and throws it pretty hard hitting my face. It didnt hurt but with how I was already feeling I felt my eyes getting watery and ready to cry, I held it in. He throws a pair at his mum too, he was messing around but in the moment it felt shit. Mil had left to go shop and will be back soon. I just feel a bit upset by how he acted

OP’s posts: |
alesha123445 Sat 24-Oct-20 12:43:51

I know this all may sound stupid but I just felt so targeted haha

OP’s posts: |
BluebellsGreenbells Sat 24-Oct-20 12:46:18

You have much bigger problems than socks.

He sounds young and attached to his Mum.

mummmy2017 Sat 24-Oct-20 12:49:32

If you baby is rolling, and the bed is high you do need to move her, you were fine doing this when she stayed put, but children grow so fast, this really doesn't have to be a big issue if you don't make it into one.
As to the clothing, as your DP if he lost the use of his hands...
Make your stands on issues that matter, it does make life easier.

Bluntness100 Sat 24-Oct-20 12:50:12

I don’t get the haha or what’s funny.

Your baby shouldn’t have been left on the bed and yes it sounds like she banged her head quite hard if skin came off. Accidents happen but some are avoidable. Telling him to shut thr fuck up wasn’t a moment of glory. He shouldn’t have thrown socks at you.

Honestly none of it sounds good.

Bluntness100 Sat 24-Oct-20 12:51:20

Op what do you mean you’re watching her with the monitor

Are you putting your baby in the bed and leaving her?

ilovepixie Sat 24-Oct-20 12:55:13

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Greeneyes78 Sat 24-Oct-20 12:57:39

Well sounds like he kind of has a point

alesha123445 Sat 24-Oct-20 13:00:36

Is was just the way it all went down, it was more of an argument with the two of them then a conversation, I think it's hard to convey that. My baby is safe in the bed and I make sure of that everytime I leave her, it was just that one time at my nans. I learnt from my mistake. And okay I get it, some of you feel the need to make remarks 🙄

OP’s posts: |
mummmy2017 Sat 24-Oct-20 13:01:56

OP we are not being cruel to you, we are just saying that like your partner we can see baby is reaching a developmental point where they can't be left alone on a high bed.

Bluntness100 Sat 24-Oct-20 13:02:11

How many times has she fallen off the bed op? Why did he say she’s had “some high falls”, plural?

What you’ve posted is really concerning, your child could get seriously hurt, and it seems she’s lucky if she’s not been already, damage to the brain isn’t immediately apparent.

If you’re putting her on the bed then leaving routinely it needs to stop. They are right, she needs to go into a cot. You can put her in bed with you when you’re there. You can’t do it and leave her.

MrsBrunch Sat 24-Oct-20 13:02:23

None of this sounds like a good environment for a baby.

WhoUsedMyName Sat 24-Oct-20 13:03:04

Probs not the best place to come op mn will make a mountain out of a mole hill. Accidents happen and as one has happened you should properly re think your sleeping arrangements. As for her banging her head when you were unless you see it coming it was unavoidable things like this happen everyday but your dh wasnt very nice in his approach and you snapped back pretty normal too! Maybe there are bigger issues here though. Could dp be more helpful rather than judgmental

Doingitaloneandproud Sat 24-Oct-20 13:04:44

I coslept with my son but if I had to leave the room he went in his cot. I'm sorry but your partner is right that the baby needs to go in a cot when you're not there. The facts that there's been 2 accidents shows this.

Florencex Sat 24-Oct-20 13:05:28

I also think your DP has a point. And saying “shut the fuck up” like that was totally unnecessary, I would be mortified and embarrassed if I heard a member of my family being spoken to by their partner like that.

ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble Sat 24-Oct-20 13:05:36

He's going about it in the completely wrong way(demanding action NOW, doing it in front of his mum,moaning about shit he's perfectly able to sort himself,throwing things at you) and you just dig your heels in because "I'm w good mum". At the moment neither of you are good communicators and that doesn't bode well for the baby,or your relationship.

The accidents don't mean you're not a good mum. Shit happens. However refusing to change things at all because you see it as an acceptance of less than perfect parenting on your part is not good.

wewereliars Sat 24-Oct-20 13:05:59

once your baby can roll she should not be left unattended on a surface off the floor for any time, she is mobile and you cannot leave her. That is not safe, as you have found out. She is not safe in your bed, she is able to move so could wriggle under the covers and suffocate.

Chocolatehobnob9 Sat 24-Oct-20 13:07:04

You made a mistake, we have all had an occasion where our baby has rolled off the bed. I would say you're not being unreasonable but overly sensitive.. you can't have everything completely your own way when you have a baby you should at least listen why your partner is suggesting the cot. He could express himself better but you don't seem like you listen to what he has to say and it's your way or the high way. It takes two to raise a child and a relationship is a partnership. You were both disrespectful in how you spoke to each other.

Welshgal85 Sat 24-Oct-20 13:07:35

OP I understand that you felt ganged up on by your partner and his mum but I’m sorry to say that they do have a point but I don’t agree with them having a go at you and making you feel worse than you already do about it. Babies can’t be left on a bed like that but as you say you have learnt from that now so try not to feel too bad about it as I’m sure you feel awful about it so don’t keep torturing yourself over it.

The bit about the washing, why couldn’t he take it upstairs? Does he expect you to do everything for him?

Perhaps you could say to him and his mum that you do feel awful about the babies accidents but you felt ganged up on by them about it and what you need is for him to support you a bit more.

Also do you think he is a bit resentful about the co-sleeping and feeling pushed out a bit as the baby is in with you all the time? Maybe that’s why he’s so keen for baby to go in a cot now as he wants his bed back with you?

peboh Sat 24-Oct-20 13:07:55

Your husband hasn't reacted in the right way, however he isn't necessarily in the wrong. These accidents could have been easily avoidable, at the age your child is at a cot is a much safer environment. You're putting your own needs ahead of the babies, that needs looking at.

Bluntness100 Sat 24-Oct-20 13:08:34


He's going about it in the completely wrong way(demanding action NOW, doing it in front of his mum,moaning about shit he's perfectly able to sort himself,throwing things at you) and you just dig your heels in because "I'm w good mum". At the moment neither of you are good communicators and that doesn't bode well for the baby,or your relationship.

The accidents don't mean you're not a good mum. Shit happens. However refusing to change things at all because you see it as an acceptance of less than perfect parenting on your part is not good.

You have no idea what the previous communications were. It sounds like this is a battle he’s tried before.

This baby rolls, she’s too old to be left in a bed with pillows. It’s another accident waiting to happen.

It is not co sleeping if you’re not there op.

gamerchick Sat 24-Oct-20 13:09:20

Your blokes a knob OP.

Once they fall off the bed they can't be left alone in one. Cosleep by all means but you have to be there. If they're awake you pop them in their cot if you need to leave the room.

Chocolatehobnob9 Sat 24-Oct-20 13:09:25

I'm also not sure you should be leaving your child in the bed.. Safe or not. It takes a split second. I would REALLY REALLY think about what you're doing OP.

Sweetchillichicken Sat 24-Oct-20 13:10:04

Every baby has falls but your baby shouldn’t be in a high bed alone at all. If you want to cosleep you take the bed down and sleep on the mattress on the floor.
You should look into safe cosleeping.

I do think your partner is out of order though he shouldn’t have said you don’t look after your child properly that would have hurt anyone.

ShirleyPhallus Sat 24-Oct-20 13:11:37

Accidents happen but the fact she rolled over 5 times before falling off suggests you were gone for quite a while

What do you mean that you watch her on the monitor? Do you put her in your bed and then set the monitor to watch her?

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