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DP invited friend over without telling me

(64 Posts)
Shxx Fri 23-Oct-20 23:01:41

I don't know if I'm being a cow or not so if I am then say so.

Dp just phoned me on loudspeaker whilst friend is in the car if its okay if he stays over.
DP already said yes to friend. He put me on the spot so agreed.

Friend has been suicidal and recently broke up with his partner of 8 years.
They then proceeded to joke around if i have any single friends.

I'm on a walk with the dog and dp is home and calling me.

Whats your opinion here?

OP’s posts: |
BetterEatCheese Fri 23-Oct-20 23:04:46

Sounds like your dp's friend could do with some support. Sounds very annoying but this may be a very kind gesture

Ghouliet Fri 23-Oct-20 23:05:42

That your DH makes the bed up, organises all the food and sorts out the laundry when his friend leaves.

spacepoppers Fri 23-Oct-20 23:06:17

I'd be fine with it if it was a one off to be honest. Think it sounds like he could use a friend.

dewisant2020 Fri 23-Oct-20 23:08:01

Sounds like a nice thing to do for your DP friend who sounds like he may need some support

crankysaurus Fri 23-Oct-20 23:08:49

That sounds very caring of your DH.

EhUp Fri 23-Oct-20 23:11:36

Are you annoyed because having a friend stay over is against covid rules in your area or just annoyed that your DP has invited a friend to visit without your permission?

If it's the latter, then assuming there isn't a back story about the friend then YABU (and possibly a bit if a cow wink)

Kabakofte Fri 23-Oct-20 23:21:34

Turn the tables and think about how, if you wanted to offer support to a depressed friend, you'd want your DP to then support you. Sounds like he's got his priorities right to me!

Fortunategirl Fri 23-Oct-20 23:24:39

Yeah he probably should have checked with you first but he’s in need and it’s fine really. Let this one go

copperoliver Fri 23-Oct-20 23:27:55

Maybe your partner can be classed as his friends support bubble as he is on his own. X

converseandjeans Fri 23-Oct-20 23:29:47

DP sounds like a nice bloke supporting a suicidal friend. I think you're being a bit mean tbh.

B1rdflyinghigh Fri 23-Oct-20 23:32:19

Your OH must see you as completely chilled to be able to do this. See this as he thinks you're friendly enough to appreciate his friends too. I think that this is a big compliment, especially when his friend is having a really shitty time. The company is worth more than having the right things in for breakfast. Be kind.

saraclara Fri 23-Oct-20 23:33:05

I would very much resent being asked anything like this on speakerphone with the potential recipient of the favour listening in. Even if my answer would be yes anyway.

BlueThistles Fri 23-Oct-20 23:43:05

Couldn't your DH stay with the friend at his place ? I thought households weren't supposed to mix ..

jelly79 Fri 23-Oct-20 23:48:39

I'd be offended if my DH thought he would have to check this with me.

BlueThistles Fri 23-Oct-20 23:56:09

I'd be offended if my DH thought he would have to check this with me.

easily offended are you ?

HowFastIsTooFast Sat 24-Oct-20 00:00:24

YAB a bit U if you're annoyed that he invited a friend in need to stay the night OP. Wouldn't you do the same for one of your friends in the same situation? Has it affected any particular plans you had?

PPs who have brought up covid, YABU for considering the 'rules' over a suicidal friend who needs support. Fuck the rules in those circumstances, honestly.

Greeneyes78 Sat 24-Oct-20 07:59:40


My boyfriend can invite anyone to his home he doesn’t need my permission.

Morgan12 Sat 24-Oct-20 08:16:00

Bloody hell OP. Pick your battles. This is totally fine.

TobblyBobbly Sat 24-Oct-20 08:19:01

I wouldn't have a problem with this personally. Do you particularly dislike having people stay over?

Alexandernevermind Sat 24-Oct-20 08:19:32

If a friend was suicidal it wouldn't occur to me to ask permission for them to stay from my DH. Obviously make sure you aren't the one doing the wife work, but let him stay.

GaraMedouar Sat 24-Oct-20 08:20:32

As Ghouliet says - as long as he sorts bedding for bed, food, laundry etc - and you can just sit with a glass of something and chat with the friend instead of being expected to be hostess then fine.

MoonJelly Sat 24-Oct-20 08:33:30

What is your partner calling you for?

MyOwnSummer Sat 24-Oct-20 10:30:01

As long as he's doing the cooking, cleaning etc associated with the visit this is fine.

I agree with pp that either partner should be able to invite people over.

The trick of calling you on speakerphone with the friend in the background is annoying though, it's manipulative. I hate having conversations with an audience on the other end.

Chamomileteaplease Sat 24-Oct-20 10:42:28

The only thing I would be annoyed about is the false asking of permission. Of course he wasn't asking you, when you are on speakerphone and the friend is listening.

He should have just phoned you privately to tell you that he had already told the friend he could come over and stay the night.

And yes your husband needs to do all the hosting work.

I hope the friend appreciates your husband and feels that he has a friend.

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