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Sex when I'm not feeling great, what do you do?

(107 Posts)
Whattheducks Fri 23-Oct-20 19:37:49

Regular poster but I've NC.

I've had an absolutely crap week physically. I suffer with PMDD and it's 'that' week at the minute. So I've had alot of anxiety, mood swings, feeling fluey.

I also have chronic TMD (also known as TMJ) which causes alot of facial pain and headache. I live with that 24-7 but it ebbs and wanes. It's bad today.

OH has a high sex drive and we haven't done the deed for 4-5 days due to the above and he is getting frustrated now and dropping blatant hints.

Do you make the effort for their benefit when you don't feel upto it or no?

Do you make the effort when you're not feeling it, for your partner/husband

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Whattheducks Fri 23-Oct-20 19:38:28

Ignore last line, edit error.

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MrsL2016 Fri 23-Oct-20 19:39:57

No. I wouldn't have sex with my DH if I wasn't feeling well, just because he wanted to.

Ohalrightthen Fri 23-Oct-20 19:40:25

I make the effort if it's been a while (10days +) and i feel good in myself but just not in the mood. I wouldn't ever try to have sex if i wasn't feeling good, physically or mentally.

Also, a man who sulks when he isn't getting laid is a dick, and needs leaving.

Bellesavage Fri 23-Oct-20 19:41:14

Well I often do make the effort because I have no drive at all at the moment. But then he doesn't pester. If he pestered I'd find it suffocating

Chasingsquirrels Fri 23-Oct-20 19:41:15

If I don't want or feel like sex I don't have sex.
If I was feeling as you describe I'd expect my partner to be solicitious and caring, not to act frustrated.

LadyPips Fri 23-Oct-20 19:42:24

I make an effort if I know I'm just being a bit lazy or whatever but not if I'm genuinely under the weather. DH wouldn't expect me to either thankfully.

Sexnotgender Fri 23-Oct-20 19:42:51


If I don't want or feel like sex I don't have sex.
If I was feeling as you describe I'd expect my partner to be solicitious and caring, not to act frustrated.


Nutmegpapaya Fri 23-Oct-20 19:42:56

If I didn't feel well then no I wouldn't make the effort - I think he should make the effort to be more caring and conscientious towards you tbh!

AnaViaSalamanca Fri 23-Oct-20 19:43:12

Nobody has died from lack of sex.

But a man who seem you are unwell and not into it and wants to sleep with you anyway is uncaring and horrible.

TikTakTikTak Fri 23-Oct-20 19:48:26

Mmm, a sulky partner. Just what a woman needs to get her in the mood...

Tell him to go reacquaint himself with his hand, it won't hurt him to not have sex while you're unwell.

EatDessertFirst Fri 23-Oct-20 19:48:28


If I don't want or feel like sex I don't have sex.
If I was feeling as you describe I'd expect my partner to be solicitious and caring, not to act frustrated.

Yup this.

If he has a sulk on because he can't put his dick in you due to you being poorly then he is a cunt. Uncaring and a sex pest. Grim.

LilyLongJohn Fri 23-Oct-20 19:50:06

No I wouldn't do it. My dh would be mortified if he thought I was just doing it because he wanted it and wasn't feeling well

Whattheducks Fri 23-Oct-20 19:51:55

I don't look as rough as I did yesterday so he's seen an improvement and wants to strike whilst the iron is hot. He said earlier on he hopes we can do the deed before my period starts.

When I tell him in a bit that my TMD is flaring today he'll think I'm just making excuses as I have less of a drive than him.

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Ninkanink Fri 23-Oct-20 19:58:07

I’d not be able to feel any affection at all for a man like that.

Poor you.

I never have sex with DH unless I actually fancy it. And he would never, ever pressure me, nor feel entitled to demand it. He’d be worried and concerned for me if I were ill, and accept that no sex would be happening for a while. He’s not a pig.

PussGirl Fri 23-Oct-20 19:59:09

Yuck! Wanting to get a session in before your period, or else he'd have to wait a few days!

My DP would wait for weeks if I wasn't in the mood, without pestering me, and wouldn't be in a sulk about it.

Aquamarine1029 Fri 23-Oct-20 20:02:52

Why are you with a man who has so little regard and respect for you? He sounds like an absolute pig.

S111n20 Fri 23-Oct-20 20:03:12

No if you don’t feel like it you don’t feel like it...simple. Hope you feel better soon 💐

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Fri 23-Oct-20 20:06:52

I make the effort if I want to make the effort - my libido left home a long time ago but I recognise that sex is an important part of my relationship so I do try to stir my stumps and get on it. When I do, I enjoy it.

But a) my DH never pesters me for sex - because that clams my vagina up - and b) if I'm feeling poorly, I'm feeling poorly - that isn't the same situation at all as the above.

Skibideebapbapbap Fri 23-Oct-20 20:07:30

Eugh he's horrible! No way would I put up with that. If I feel rubbish or tired or just don't fancy it, then I don't have to do it and there's no pestering, sulking or comments at all.

Glitterbiscuits Fri 23-Oct-20 20:09:53


Zaphodsotherhead Fri 23-Oct-20 20:10:13

Why are men so led by their dicks?

What do they think single people do, shrivel up and die? What the hell is wrong with a wank if he's so desperate?

FranklySonImTheGaffer Fri 23-Oct-20 20:13:04

Sounds awful OP, especially that he'll likely accuse you of making excuses - that's something you do to get out of an obligation. Sex should be something good and enjoyable for both, an invitation to a good time, not something you must provide if you don't have a decent excuse.

FWIW I suffer with PCOS so have lovely cramps and random periods that can last anything from 2 to 28 days, and migraines. I feel guilty that DH goes without for longer than either of us want but I still don't offer him anything if I'm not in the mood, and he absolutely wouldn't want me to.

PebblesAndBamBam Fri 23-Oct-20 20:14:17

Oh, this is so grim, poor you! I'm two weeks post partum. DH is going to go a couple of months without it and if he were to complain I'd tear him a new one.

Tell your OH to have a wank.

Whattheducks Fri 23-Oct-20 20:15:02

i recognise that sex is an important part of my relationship

This is why I'm conflicted.

I know he's not entitled to sex and it's not his right, but on the flip side relationships suffer without it.

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