Confused!!!!

[Eskimo15]

I've been speaking to a guy I met a while back for about 3 weeks now over text and things have been really good. He seemed really keen to talk to me - long texts, emojis, calling me by my name, sending pics of what he was up to etc etc. Always letting me know if he was too busy to reply and asking about my day, asking me questions etc. We seem to have a lot in common too. We can't see each other yet as I am in a lockdown area but he kept saying he was excited to see me, saying hopefully not long now, dropping hints about what we will do etc.

Last few days he's been away and has ran out of data. Can only get WiFi in certain areas. So far he's been super truthful about everything and he sent me a screenshot of his data ran out lol. The issue isn't him texting often, but the last few days his texting habits have really changed.

A few days ago he seemed a bit blunt but yesterday was the first time he didn't text me alllll day. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt but he was posting pictures etc and online on social media. I gave in today and texted him and he's being SO weird and blunt.
He's gone from exciting texts and flirting to 'hey how you doing, can only reply on WiFi haha'. I replied and he just said 'yeah good how are you'.

I'm getting a seriously weird vibe from him because he was the one initiating and being so keen before. Things seemed so so good. I am hoping it isnt to do with me but I'm just really hurt by it for some reason? What do I do?? I am so confused

[widespreadpanic]

Sorry but he’s doing the slow fade. He’s just not that interested anymore. I’ve been thru it and back in my early online dating days many years ago I would do the same when I begin to lose interest.

You shouldn’t reach out anymore, it just puts you in a state of desperation and hanging on.

[Eskimo15]

Just a thought - last 2 days now he's texted in the morning saying hes woken up after passing out from alcohol the night before. Also mentioned an argument with randoms on a night out? I don't know if this is typical behaviour for him (doesn't seem it from when I've spoken to him) but he's being really off/down as well and I wonder if there's more going on with him mentally? I don't wanna be the needy girl constantly asking if he's okay but is there a chance maybe it's not me?

[wobblywinelover]

Sounds like he's trying to put you off and if you're not put off by his alcohol antics then you should be.

Chuck this one back in the pond, he sounds like way too much hard work sorry OP

[Greeneyes78]

Op how can anyone know! Ask him outright, you’re a grown woman. Maybe he’s just busy, maybe he’s texting out of sight of others as him on his phone is annoying to them.

Only he know so ask him.

[LouiseBelchersBunnyEars]

He’s deffo trying to put you off. On to the next

[Eskimo15]

I'm just scared to ask because I don't want to seem needy lol. It's got even weirder, he texted me 3 times yesterday and that's it, all blunt, one of them completely ignoring what I said and saying something quite irrelevant almost for the sake of it?! And keeps ignoring me and coming online. I am baffled because he said once when I asked if he was alright a few weeks ago, that he was shattered and that he would much rather be straight with me if something was up lol??
My friends think it's because he's caught feelings and maybe is shocked because he didn't want a relationship or anything so doesn't know what to do/is processing these feelings?

[Bunnymumy]

Were you not getting a seriously weird vibe before from him texting 'all day, every day?' Because you should have been. You haven't even met this fella and he was being needy af.

Narcissists do it this shit because they need your attention to be on them 24/7.

They also blow hot and cold.

[DrizzleandDamp]

You haven’t even met him. Just stop texting. OLD taught me fast there is zero point in trying to work out other people’s weirdness.

[Bunnymumy]

And they ignore the things you say and plow on with their own agenda.

Come on now op. You gotta be careful. You've never even met this guy and let you let him monopolise your time like this? He'll be thinking you're an easy target.

I think those booze comments are not to put you off, but to test you to see if you'll still cling on. Even though he is telling you he is pretty scummy.

[DrizzleandDamp]

Your friends are wrong btw, he hasn’t caught feelings or any of that shit. Sorry but he hasn’t.

[IncandescentSilver]

Why would you want a man who passes out from drinking too much and argues with random while drunk? At least he's being truthful and showing you who he really is to have a chance to walk away!

[Doingitaloneandproud]

Sounds like he is fading you out, or he's found someone else to talk to. Sometimes it happens. I doubt he's caught feelings and wants a relationship if you haven't even met - that seems quite unlikely.. I'd find yourself another person to talk to even if you don't want to stop talking to him :)

[Namechangedforthisoct2]

The chances are he’s:
1 - grown bored, he loved bombed you, got your attention and has now moved on
2 - to someone new, either online or in person

People like this always have someone on the go, and someone new waiting in the wings. They just desperately crave attention. And then grow bored when they know they’ve won you over.

I’d just delete block and not give the knobcheese another thought! Don’t waste your energy as it was all fake anyway.

[OldEvilOwl]

Your friends are wrong. If he had caught feelings you would know about it. I would back right off if I was you OP. Sounds like he's lost interest

[Dontbeme]

My friends think it's because he's caught feelings and maybe is shocked

This could be true if you all live in some Hollywood romcom. This guy is just playing games, move on. Do you really want a man that gets black out drunk and fights with strangers?

[Dery]

“You haven’t even met him. Just stop texting. OLD taught me fast there is zero point in trying to work out other people’s weirdness.”

This sounds like very good advice. It’s rarely a good use of time wondering why someone is doing something (unless you are many years into an LTR with lives). You may never know why. The key questions are what is someone doing? how do you feel about it? and what do you want to do about it? You’ve never even met this guy and he’s already messing with your head. Sounds like he’s no use to you and it’s time to move on.

[UnshakenNeedsStirring]

Ignore him OP, move on. He has got some one else he is chatting to. HEs not worth your time.

[Dery]

With shared lives.

[tinyvulture]

Don’t think he can really have serious feelings for you if you haven’t met. Sounds like he has maybe met someone else? Really sorry - it’s disappointing when you like someone and this happens.

[BrowncoatWaffles]

I think it's wildly optimistic to assume he's caught feelings and assuming that actually could end up with you feeling really hurt.

The other option is he's off on his holiday and has met someone for a fling or is just enjoying himself. Whether that bothers you this early on is up to you to fathom but if it were me I think I'd take a big step back until he's home so you can get a feel for whether this change in behaviour is holiday related (understandable) or a wider issue.

I don't feel like him texting lots is a danger sign - both DH and I messaged a lot when we started dating because we both were deskbound freelancers and so had messenger open for other things and chatted in between bits. But I definitely think the change is a concern.

It all feels like a lot of faff for someone you've not met yet.

[10questions]

He hasn’t caught feelings because he is being quite rude to you, you’ve never met and you have only been texting for three weeks.

Don’t take it personally and don’t waste your time any further.

[Eugenieonegin]

@Dontbeme

My friends think it's because he's caught feelings and maybe is shocked

This could be true if you all live in some Hollywood romcom. This guy is just playing games, move on. Do you really want a man that gets black out drunk and fights with strangers?

This!

[toobusytothink]

I would say he’s maybe got bored/realised it’s not going anywhere (done fair bit of OLD chat myself). If I were you I’d say something like - sounds as though you’re having a good time, I’ll leave you to it. But it would have put me right off. Either they’re keen or not. I’ve had unmatched by now

[Dery]

“My friends think it's because he's caught feelings and maybe is shocked because he didn't want a relationship or anything so doesn't know what to do/is processing these feelings?”

My mum, sister and I all found ourselves single and dating in the late 1990s and we very quickly learned never to put a positive spin on a lack of attention from a man. If a man is interested, he will make sure he sees you and he will make himself available. Whatever the details, if he’s not contacting you, it’s either because he’s just not that interested or because he isn’t available. It’s very early days - he owes you nothing and sounds like he could be trouble anyway. It’s disappointing when this happens but chalk it up to experience and put him behind you.

[Eskimo15]

Hey guys, an update! He finally texted and said he was caught up in stuff but the space made him realise he needs to cool down on the texting. He's going abroad for a year as soon as he can travel, and was worried to catch feelings/me to catch feelings before he inevitably leaves and didn't want to lead me on. So he wants us to cool down on the texting so nobody gets hurt in the end. He said it all really nicely but I'm so gutted! We seem a really good match and he said if he wasn't going away things would be different :(