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Is this emotional abuse ?

(40 Posts)
Roselilly300 Sun 18-Oct-20 23:54:48


This may be long sorry.. i have been on and off with my partner for nearly 4 years now. Both have no children I am 29 and he is 32. I live alone and him with family.

At first things were great I thought I’d met the ‘one’ but then cracks started to show I guess small red flags that I ignored and are now the root cause of our problems today.

Without going in to all the stuff that has happened over the years as it will take to long I now think probably over the last year has started to become emotionally abusive.. for example if I’m upset about something he’s done he will tell me I’m deluded I am going nuts he told me once I am troubled and I have mental health issues ( I have anxiety)

I feel he gaslights me and when I bring up something he has genuinely done wrong he will turn it on me and say I’m over thinking it or it’s my anxiety.

I work from home and have done since March where as he has worked throughout the pandemic .. he now says things like ‘ working from home is driving you mad’ he says all these things when he’s done something wrong and I call him out on it.

Our sex life isn’t great I feel he shows no interest at all. I brought this up with him the other day to which he said ‘ your not feeling great about yourself lately so that’s not helping ‘ I’ve put on a bit of weight during lockdown as most ppl have .. and he knows I self concious about it but that’s nothing to do with him not touching me !

He never used to be like this but now I can’t say anything to him without him using something I’ve told him against me.

He blows hot and cold one day he will be ringing FaceTiming messaging and be really happy then the next day he won’t even answers my calls or texts.. sometimes disappears after work and reappears the next day and says he has fallen asleep ( I know how this looks and what ppl will say)

He’s decided to blow hot and cold this weekend and I confronted him about it. He has now currently blocked me on everything

OP’s posts: |
Opentooffers Mon 19-Oct-20 00:03:23

Just block him too, and keep it that way, you are still young enough to find someone better. Don't wait on him to change into the man you want, because that never happens.

Howlongcanthisgoon Mon 19-Oct-20 03:52:27

Yes. This is abusive. It won’t get better. It will almost certainly get worse. Just have a think about if you want to be dealing with this type of behaviour in x number of years.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation Mon 19-Oct-20 04:27:48

He's 32 and still lives with mum and dad. You don't need to know anything else. If he loved you and saw a future with you, he'd be with you.

I'm sorry, I know break ups suck, but he is very clearly telling you by his actions that he doesn't love you. You are a convenient ocassional shag for when he doesn't have a better offer.

Bin this fool off and start preparing to meet an actual adult. You deserve so much better than this.

ulanbatorismynextstop Mon 19-Oct-20 04:42:42

Why are you wasting your time on this fool, he's shown you that he can't make you happy, just block and move on.

Frownette Mon 19-Oct-20 05:02:35

Yes, he sounds like a waste of space

rainbowninja Mon 19-Oct-20 05:19:06

He is treating you appallingly, do you love him? I think you already know that this isn't right x

BritInAus Mon 19-Oct-20 05:49:21

Whether it's emotional abuse or not, I'm not sure. I'm no expert.

He sounds like a massive waste of space. Be glad you don't have kids or property together and block him back!

Coriandersucks Mon 19-Oct-20 06:20:14

You don’t live together, no kids, no other ties and it sounds like you get nothing from this relationship. Four years is a long time to waste. Bin him off now.

AlwaysCheddar Mon 19-Oct-20 06:20:55

Get rid of him. He’s vile.

category12 Mon 19-Oct-20 06:28:13

He's gaslighting the fuck out of you, which is emotionally abusive. He's putting you down and behaving erratically with you. Are you also suspecting he's cheating?

You should end it with him. It's like he's actively trying to give you mental health issues.

Shadow9 Mon 19-Oct-20 06:35:29

No 1 deserves that. Get rid and make a life for YOU! As you deserve better. Never settle for second best, be the No1 you are. It will be hard, but you are still young. Love yourself 1st, then a partner 2nd. We only get 1 life. Take care

Roselilly300 Mon 19-Oct-20 09:06:27

Thank you for all your replies .. to the poster who asked do I love him .. after all that’s gone on I’m not sure anymore.

I never used to suspect cheating but the ‘I fell asleep’ line is being used way to often now.. he does have a auto immune disease that makes him fatigued and he works a manual labour job but I’m not sure I believe one person on a regular basis can fall asleep straight after work (6/7) and not wake up to eat or look at their phone once till the next morning. Every now and again yes maybe but this happens about twice a week without fail.

What’s strange is when he is here he doesn’t go to sleep till gone 12 so I am started to suspect there is more to it

OP’s posts: |
Savemyusername01 Mon 19-Oct-20 09:09:55

That’s suspicious. You know him after four years and that does not add up.

category12 Mon 19-Oct-20 09:12:28

Overall it's not a great picture, is it?

Also, if you've been together four years, how come it hasn't progressed into living together or something? (Although, that's lucky as it turns out, given his gaslighting and crazy-making behaviours.)

Roselilly300 Mon 19-Oct-20 09:12:51

Also we have had many arguments over the years and he never blocks me . The fact he did last night makes me think he did so to suit whatever it was he was doing as he wanted me out the way. He didn’t just block on WhatsApp but on text and call too

OP’s posts: |
maybemu Mon 19-Oct-20 09:13:47

Ladies and gentlemen the 32 year old baby.

Roselilly300 Mon 19-Oct-20 09:15:47

@category12 I have said this to him and he makes it clear without saying it but by his actions that he doesn’t want to live here but blames it on the fact our Rship isn’t stable but when things are good between us it will only be so long before I feel he sabotages things so we can’t move forward. He says he needs to work on himself etc before we can get to that point but I know that is utter bollocks and an excuse

OP’s posts: |
choli Mon 19-Oct-20 09:17:23

Move on. He's worthless.

category12 Mon 19-Oct-20 09:33:43


*@category12* I have said this to him and he makes it clear without saying it but by his actions that he doesn’t want to live here but blames it on the fact our Rship isn’t stable but when things are good between us it will only be so long before I feel he sabotages things so we can’t move forward. He says he needs to work on himself etc before we can get to that point but I know that is utter bollocks and an excuse

Four years of that kind of bullshit?

He's wasting your time. Dump him and move on with your life.

FetchezLaVache Mon 19-Oct-20 09:38:51

He sounds absolutely awful, for the way you describe him and everything above. Don't settle for this shit when you know it's not right. I'd take the opportunity of the blocking to just withdraw. When he comes back, tell him you're not wasting any more time on a game-playing baby.

Dery Mon 19-Oct-20 09:43:31

@Roselilly300 - this is all bullshit.

A good relationship doesn’t involve so much struggle. And these are the easy years - before you have pooled finances and are perhaps trying to raise a family together with all the additional stresses those experiences bring.

This relationship has run its course. You’re still young and have plenty of time to find someone else. Kick him into touch and move on.

ForkHandlesplease Mon 19-Oct-20 09:44:44

You have nothing to loose and everything to gain. Tell him it's over, dont try to think whats not working? could it be better? you'll go round in circles, delaying the inevitable. You're worth more.

Babysharksmom Mon 19-Oct-20 09:49:33

Why waste a minute more of your precious time on this man. You're not happy. He sounds nasty. Simples - block him back and let that be the end of it.
Wishing you the best

StopGo Mon 19-Oct-20 09:58:25

You don't have to be a doormat and enable his shitty, abusive behaviour. Today is the first of the rest of your life. Block him everywhere and move on flowers

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