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To think dp is making a mug out of me?

(308 Posts)

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BritishIdiot Tue 13-Oct-20 18:05:18

Bit of background, dp and I have been together almost 5 years, we have 2dc. We don't live together - his choice entirely. He decided to buy a house last year when I was pregnant for his older son and they now both live in it, but that's a whole other thread! (Please bare in mind his son contributes towards the mortgage and bills.)

He earns well in advance of 50k. I work part time and rely on tax credits. He does contribute reasonably towards the dc every month.

He works Monday to Thursday nights, will sleep at his house until he wakes then comes to mine for a few hours until he leaves for work, he will stay at weekend too.

Anyway now to the point! He contributes very very little towards bills and food. He puts the heating on, has showers, always always cooking something. He can't have cereal for breakfast and something light for lunch, it has to be a fry up then something cooked for lunch like fajitas or he'll eat leftovers I'm saving, then a cooked dinner, followed by eating most of the cake I made oh with ice cream etc. He'll make his lunch for work (leaving us a stale crust and finishing the ham), will eat what we're eating for dinner then take plenty to work (I like to save some to freeze for lazy days!) He'll use bottles of mayo, jars of jam, blocks of butter, packets and packets of biscuits, he eats the kids snacks constantly plus takes them to work, drinks their fruit juice, eats their yoghurt, drinks the cans of drink I buy for my teenager, it's honestly never ever ending. Always helps himself to seconds of dinner, will put the biggest steak on his plate etc. I even buy his beer!! I pay for all of this, all the bills, the rent, all the food and drinks, everything. He contributes £100 a month - IF I ask several times. This month I got nothing as it was our dds birthday so his money went towards that apparently, but yet I still spend hundreds a month on food and he's still eating it.

I've mentioned it to him he says "so you're charging me for eating a packet of crisps and boiling the kettle are you? I bought the pizza last week."

AIBU to think he's a freeloading piss take or am I just bitter???

OP’s posts: |
Sexykitten2005 Tue 13-Oct-20 18:08:46

What exactly are you getting from this living arrangement? Does he make you happy or bring anything to your life? Sounds like a wants his cake and to eat it situation to me. Surely you would be financially better off single as he would have to contribute a fixed amount and you might get UC depending on your income.

Parmavioletmum Tue 13-Oct-20 18:09:13

Have my 1st ever ltb! Why oh why are you living like this and have 2 kids together? I assume as you are living as a single parent and claiming tax credits that he is paying maintenance for his children? If not, why not? He's having the best of both worlds here and you are allowing it! You and your children deserve more!

BumBurnerBum Tue 13-Oct-20 18:09:18

He can have children with you but not live with you??

He contributes £100 a month? Is that on top of What he gives towards HIS children??

Gobsmacked to be honest and yes, he is making a mug of you. Get rid!

Aria999 Tue 13-Oct-20 18:10:59

He's a freeloading piss taker. If you don't want to LTB I suggest making a list of everything he consumes and what it cost. Maybe stick it on the fridge and update every time he has something.

But I think i might LTB, what good are you getting from this really? He doesn't seem very supportive!

MrsExpo Tue 13-Oct-20 18:12:09

Get rid and make sure he continues to pay towards HIS children. What exactly are you getting out of this arrangement? He’s a part time piss taker of the highest order.

ukgift2016 Tue 13-Oct-20 18:13:06

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

IHaveBrilloHair Tue 13-Oct-20 18:13:07

Fucking hell, what are you getting from this relationship?
He's taking the piss out of you.

Scweltish Tue 13-Oct-20 18:14:51

I don’t even know where to begin to unravel the utter fucking ridiculousness of this situation. And I mean that towards the pair of you. You’re both ridiculous. Why have you had two children to a man who refuses to commit to you (or the children), and not only refuses to contribute, but actually drains you dry?? I’m actually impressed he’s got someone to raise his children completely separately from him, with no help, input or contribution from him. But he gets to check in whenever he wants his dinner cooked, stuff to help himself to and a shag.

Rainbowqueeen Tue 13-Oct-20 18:15:04

You’d probably get more from cms if you split plus you wouldn’t have him using all your stuff.
He is selfish and shows how little he cares about you and the DC

GlummyMcGlummerson Tue 13-Oct-20 18:16:05

I really hate it when people say "why did you have kids with such a bastard", but OP why would you have 2 children with someone who won't live with you?!

CodenameVillanelle Tue 13-Oct-20 18:16:35

Is the £100 all he pays???

ichifanny Tue 13-Oct-20 18:17:39

Why on earth are you allowing this , does he even do any child care for your children ? Are you claiming as a single parent I take it ?

Chickychoccyegg Tue 13-Oct-20 18:17:54

Omg, dump his greedy freeloading ass

FlorenceNightshade Tue 13-Oct-20 18:17:58

If this is for real then you need another word for mug - it doesn’t do you justice.

Living arrangements are personal and if it works great who are we to judge? But you’re unhappy and need to address it now. Tell him what you want and expect going forward and take it from there

Aquamarine1029 Tue 13-Oct-20 18:18:46

No one can be this daft. Come on now.

SBTLove Tue 13-Oct-20 18:19:47

I actually laughed out loud at this!!
Why have you had two kids with a man who pops in at the weekend and eats all your food and doesn’t even pay maintenance?
That’s not a relationship, it’s a shag at the weekend that only costs him £25!!!

BritishIdiot Tue 13-Oct-20 18:20:49

He doesn't want to live with us because we've "had a rocky road and he won't have stability". The truth is yes he wants his cake. He's financially better off not sharing his finances and fully contributing to the household as muggings here will foot the bill as you were. He puts his money before his family and is quiet happy for me to be a struggling single parent.

OP’s posts: |
Backofthenewt Tue 13-Oct-20 18:20:56

And why are you allowing him to do this?

SBTLove Tue 13-Oct-20 18:21:28

CMS for 2 kids is 16% of his income which is more than £25pw!!

CodenameVillanelle Tue 13-Oct-20 18:21:37

So bloody well separate and claim maintenance! What an arse

SBTLove Tue 13-Oct-20 18:22:58

Posted too soon!!
His CMS would be about £600pm

BritishIdiot Tue 13-Oct-20 18:23:02

HE DOES PAY MAINTENANCE I clearly stated that in my op. I'm not a troll I'm just under the thumb.

OP’s posts: |
VodselForDinner Tue 13-Oct-20 18:23:21

So the tax payer is paying for your children to be housed and fed because their father won’t?

User27aw Tue 13-Oct-20 18:23:23

So you are getting benefits because he refuses to support his own kids. Then he sponges off you, so effectively taking the benefits that you only get because he isnt supporting you. Jeez!

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