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Blowing hot and cold

(40 Posts)
angelofmum Fri 09-Oct-20 14:04:26

There's a married dad that lives a few doors away from me and our kids go to the same school and nursery. I'm also married and I'm the one that tends to do the school run so over the last four years or so I'd sometimes bump into him and we'd chat whilst walking the kids to school. We get on well and conversation is usually easy. In the last couple of months though he's blown really hot and cold.
Yesterday I bumped into him as he walks past my house so we walked to school together chatting, then he tailed off and started speaking to his kids so I walked on ahead as he made it clear he was done chatting. Today he walked past my house and kept his head down when he saw me and didn't even say hello. So bizarre! He'll mainly say hello and stop and chat when his kids and other parents aren't around and is as friendly as anything. On the school run these days he pretty much ignores me and pretends like I'm not there. I can't be bothered to play games with people especially those I consider to be a friend. I can't think how I would've upset him in any way and the chat is always about kids/life/work etc.. any one shed some light on this behaviour? I've started to ignore him now too as I find it quite hurtful not knowing where I stand with someone.

OP’s posts: |
Manxiety Fri 09-Oct-20 14:41:44

Maybe his wife isn't best pleased op. Perhaps the kids mentioned it and she's put her foot down?

angelofmum Fri 09-Oct-20 14:54:38

I'm friends with his wife too but don't see her much. He's friends with my husband and will speak to him if they see each other. Maybe his wife doesn't like us chatting but I can't imagine his kids saying anything to her...

OP’s posts: |
slidingdrawers Fri 09-Oct-20 15:00:03

"I find it quite hurtful...". OP, you sound way too invested in what you appear to describe as an acquaintanceship.

ravenmum Fri 09-Oct-20 15:04:03

Maybe he's ill/depressed/got marital problems and is finding it hard to be cheerful and make small talk some days?

edwinbear Fri 09-Oct-20 15:17:51

I agree that you sound over invested in this. He makes small talk with you occasionally, he's not a friend though really is he. This reads like you have a bit of a crush?

Givemeabreak88 Fri 09-Oct-20 15:40:14

I wouldn’t worry sometimes I’m not in the mood maybe it’s just that?? It does seem to be bothering you more than it should

angelofmum Fri 09-Oct-20 15:56:50

Not really no, I just don't like it when people blow hot on cold for no apparent reason. He's not an acquaintance either I would class him as a friend. I personally think it's rude to speak to someone one day and ignore them the next. Male or female friend.

OP’s posts: |
LonelyFromCorona Fri 09-Oct-20 16:17:34

Wife doesn't approve.
Fancies you and is distancing himself.
Doesn't see you as more than an acquaintance who is sometimes convenient to chat with a little, not when rushing to school with kids (which from your write up is a fair assessment of the acquaintanceship you seem to have).

Pick one of the above.

MarkRuffaloCrumble Fri 09-Oct-20 16:29:20

angelofmum

Not really no, I just don't like it when people blow hot on cold for no apparent reason. He's not an acquaintance either I would class him as a friend. I personally think it's rude to speak to someone one day and ignore them the next. Male or female friend.

And yet you’re doing exactly that by ignoring him yourself.

I had a friend like this. She perceived some sleight or other and would then ignore me the next time she saw me. She was the same to another friend too, to the point where we all had a sit down chat about it once and tried to get to the bottom of it, but nothing changed.

We’re not friends any more, too much like hard work.

If you want to talk to him, do. If you don’t, don’t. But all this angst over someone who sounds like a casual acquaintance at best is a bit teenage.

angelofmum Fri 09-Oct-20 16:34:05

I'm the friendliest person going and always smile and chat to everyone so I'm not ignoring him to be horrible. He's blanked me so why would I then go out of my way to talk to him? It's not teenage and maybe I value my friends more than some of you do. We don't just walk to school together we've all socialised together and I've been to his house.

OP’s posts: |
angelofmum Fri 09-Oct-20 16:36:09

He's just acting weird around me for no reason and we live a few houses away so it's not like I can ignore him as we all live in the same community, kids go to the same school etc..

OP’s posts: |
frozendaisy Fri 09-Oct-20 17:54:33

Just smile say "Morning" everytime
He can ignore it

But you're friendly so be friendly and not care how he responds.

I have a neighbour like this, seemed to be hello and chat on his terms, moody some days, honestly I don't care, so say hello or if headphones in coming back from a jog just point to ears and say "can't hear" I don't take them out to say hello now, it's improved our neighbor conversations considerably. I had to take his dog back this morning, cause it escaped into our garden, knocked on door "here's ya dog" walked away, recently had to, with a friend, sniff his living room to see if his teenager had been smoking weed

Anyway just be friendly, don't let his moods change you. If you see his wife perhaps say "X ok? Never says hello on school run anymore. Not that it's my business but hope you are all ok and lockdown not driving you crazy"

Friendly, detached, not much you can do about something you know nothing about.

frozendaisy Fri 09-Oct-20 17:57:43

And in context we share a garden path to pavement, I'm married he's divorced, so live quite close as well.

Don't let it change you.
Don't overanalyze.

hexmeginny Fri 09-Oct-20 18:01:08

Isn't this the guy that you were thinking of making a move on a few months ago? hmm

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit Fri 09-Oct-20 18:04:32

Are you pretty OP? His wife is threatened by you and has kicked off. I'd do the same... you've done nothing wrong but some of us are just really insecure.

Sakurami Fri 09-Oct-20 18:05:15

Why are you bothered??

frozendaisy Fri 09-Oct-20 18:15:40

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit

Are you pretty OP? His wife is threatened by you and has kicked off. I'd do the same... you've done nothing wrong but some of us are just really insecure.

But surely a good marriage is not concerned about others only your spouse's actions.

If you spouse is committed pretty neighbour could do school run in a bikini, no need for controlling don't say hello behaviour.

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit Fri 09-Oct-20 18:21:42

I agree it shouldn't matter but no matter how strong a marriage is heads can turn and some women never let their guard down because of that fact... it doesn't give a woman the right to control her husband but it will make her jumpy enough to have a bit of a rant. Let's be honest how many women on here have started posts worrying over the husband's totally innocent friendship with a woman... and how many responses have we seen warning her to sleep with one eye open!!

angelofmum Fri 09-Oct-20 18:23:14

I make the best of myself but would think it arrogant to say I thought I was attractive. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I'm bothered because we were friends and no issues chatting and now I'm getting the cold shoulder. I can't be bothered as I said so will be polite but won't carry on the friendship if it's on his terms only.
Agreed that a husband/wife shouldn't be telling their spouse who to speak to unless they were behaving inappropriately.

OP’s posts: |
frozendaisy Fri 09-Oct-20 18:27:25

Don't let it change you.

angelofmum Fri 09-Oct-20 18:40:18

Just to add his wife is still friendly to me and always says good morning if I see her, she's always running late so we don't stop to chat. Maybe she has said something to him but I'm being naive. I wouldn't want to upset her so will be polite as I said and that's it. It's just weird that's all, and I'm overthinking it because I've taken it personally. It's been a hard year.

OP’s posts: |
frozendaisy Fri 09-Oct-20 18:44:42

It has been and still is a hard year his mods are not your problem though

frozendaisy Fri 09-Oct-20 18:45:07

Moods not mods

Andylion Fri 09-Oct-20 18:47:48

This reads like you have a bit of a crush?

I agree. When I saw the thread title "hot and cold" I thought this was going to be about an actual relationship or at least someone you were dating. Using that phrase and posting on the Relationships board makes it seem as though it is very important to you. Maybe he senses this and that is why he is keeping distant.

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