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Rows with husband

11 replies

Erol12 · 08/10/2020 23:43

Children have left home now. All the issues of the past just Waiting for me to look at.
Husband says let’s leave past behind start again but I hate the way he has not understood the pain of his mother being spiteful and hateful to me over the years .how he always seems annoyed and upset by me .
Sometime I don’t know why / what I have done . Sometimes I do Know and I always challenge him but he is not able to speak to me in a reflective way . We argue and argue it feels like he dislikes me and frankly I often dislike him. We never have sex now. I just don’t know how to fix this

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Anordinarymum · 08/10/2020 23:50

You know for some men the bond with their mother is always that of a deferring child - even when they grow up - and if the mother is horrible to his wife, he may not want to challenge his mother in case she punishes him in some way.
He wanted you to accept it. Why should you ? It becomes unresolved in case he hurts his mothers feelings.

Now you are in a better position. What do you want from him? Do you want to separate or sort this out ?

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widespreadpanic · 08/10/2020 23:56

Seems like there have been issues for years. If you can’t talk to him about it Maybe you should look into counseling both individually and as a couple.

If that doesn’t fix it then you don’t have kids to tie you to him so leaving him would be the last option.

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Erol12 · 09/10/2020 00:03

Thank you an ordinarymum and widespreadpanic.
I do want to sort it out I just feel a huge sense of injustice
I don’t know where to start because I’m angry and I want to feel loved not just occasionally but with some consistency

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Anordinarymum · 09/10/2020 00:08

OP is your mother in law still alive ? Is she still being horrible ?

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Erol12 · 09/10/2020 00:34

Yes she is alive and very nasty. I don’t want to be bitter but I am becoming so
Example - you were always know as easy when you were younger
You don’t give a damm about my son
Look at you I never thought you would let your hair get like that
Your daughter from that first marriage of yours is no grand child of mine

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Anordinarymum · 09/10/2020 00:36

Has she said any of these things in front of your OH ? Has he ever heard her saying anything nasty to you ? Does he know she is nasty ?

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Erol12 · 09/10/2020 01:15

One time - on a phone with the microphone on. But he was just trying to stop it all like a teacher breaking up a fight IN a School Yard

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Anordinarymum · 09/10/2020 01:18

So he knows then. Does he think it is your fault ? I'm trying to make sense of the situation. Does he know what she is like, and has he admitted to you that he knows?

I'm asking all these questions because at the end of the day he either values you and his relationship with you or he simply does not.

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Aquamarine1029 · 09/10/2020 01:38

If your MIL is so awful, why do you have any contact with her? It's not mandatory you know.