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To ask husband to leave because of his snoring?

(177 Posts)
Rainbowsparkle Thu 08-Oct-20 21:46:59

We have been together a long time. He has always snored but last 5-6 years it has got progressively worse to the point if he goes to sleep first I can’t sleep. I work full time as well as having 2 children. I’m surviving on 3-4 hours sleep a night. He has been to ent specialist and sleep clinic and requires an operation but he won’t have it done as he doesn’t see why he should have an operation. I am tired all of the time. Kids used to be able to sleep through it but got to the point he now wakes them up. My family thought I was exaggerating until we shared a house on holiday a couple of years ago and they all complained about it. We no longer sleep in the same bed as I end up on the sofa. My back constantly hurts because of this.
He can see the effect it’s having on me and still won’t have the op. I love him but I can’t live like this anymore and if he’s not prepared to do something about it I can’t see any other option.

OP’s posts: |
Welshgal85 Thu 08-Oct-20 21:48:25

Do you think he is afraid to have the operation maybe?

paintmywholehousepink Thu 08-Oct-20 21:49:22

I soooo sympathise op.
Get a bed not a sofa to sleep on?

LouiseTrees Thu 08-Oct-20 21:49:54

Have you taped him and played it back to him just as he’s trying to get to sleep? Have you or the kids tried to wake him up when he wakes you up? I would and just say it’s all about equality.

NotaWickedStepMum55 Thu 08-Oct-20 21:53:05

I ended up in the spare room, and this then led to a lack of intimacy, and ultimately divorce. So, yes if he is too selfish to have the operation, that is what will happen....

Muchtoomuchtodo Thu 08-Oct-20 21:53:27

If he’s scared he needs to be honest.
I lite with a very similar selfish ‘D’H but luckily we have a spare bedroom that I’ve slot in for the last 4 years.
DH has gained weight since lockdown despite having more time than ever to potentially exercise. He saw the GP once and got given a throat spray that made no difference and now he won’t go back again.
I’m not sure what to suggest for these selfish partners, other than I am seriously considering how I can sort out finances to LTB.

Dollyrocket Thu 08-Oct-20 21:53:32

Why isn’t he sleeping on the sodding sofa??

yellowmaoampinball Thu 08-Oct-20 21:54:54

God that sounds awful. You must be at the end of your tether. Does he have sleep apnea? My husbad had that and his snoring was horrific with it - it was awful for him too as it woke him up. To his credit he lost weight which fixed it. You must be so upset with his refusal to tackle it. Is there anything else he could look at doing or is it just the op?

Serenschintte Thu 08-Oct-20 21:55:00

My husband did the metabolic balance diet Programme. Even this be does not follow it any more his snoring has stopped. Totally. It’s amazing. Maybe worth a try. You need a met balance consultant, blood tests and then you just follow the plan.

messy123 Thu 08-Oct-20 21:56:22

Would drive me nuts and definitely a deal breaker. I want to kill people who snore and I'm not exaggerating. I presume you have already tried this but the best ear plugs you can buy are earfit memory foam ones.

You need to set up a bed for yourself in some other part of the house. There must be some way or doing this?

Rainbowsparkle Thu 08-Oct-20 21:58:17

When he goes to sleep he goes into a deep sleep and is hard to wake up. He won’t sleep on the sofa as it hurts his back. 🙄
He’s a really good man other than the snoring. He is scared of having the op. He thinks it’s selfish of me to ask him to do something that he doesn’t want to do.
It definitely affects all areas as I’m tired so I have a shorter temper. I’ve recorded it and played it back to him. He thinks it’s funny. 😡

OP’s posts: |
SandyY2K Thu 08-Oct-20 21:58:54

Wouldn't buying a house with an additional bedroom be better than ending your marriage? Unless there are other issues you're not happy about.

Anordinarymum Thu 08-Oct-20 22:00:48

Rainbowsparkle

We have been together a long time. He has always snored but last 5-6 years it has got progressively worse to the point if he goes to sleep first I can’t sleep. I work full time as well as having 2 children. I’m surviving on 3-4 hours sleep a night. He has been to ent specialist and sleep clinic and requires an operation but he won’t have it done as he doesn’t see why he should have an operation. I am tired all of the time. Kids used to be able to sleep through it but got to the point he now wakes them up. My family thought I was exaggerating until we shared a house on holiday a couple of years ago and they all complained about it. We no longer sleep in the same bed as I end up on the sofa. My back constantly hurts because of this.
He can see the effect it’s having on me and still won’t have the op. I love him but I can’t live like this anymore and if he’s not prepared to do something about it I can’t see any other option.

If this is the only gripe you have, why don't you just sleep separately ?

He might even go for the op if you do this

SignOnTheWindow Thu 08-Oct-20 22:01:39

So it's OK for the sofa to hurt your back?! He sounds like a proper selfish bastard. He's the one who snores like a pig, so he's the one who should leave the bedroom and sleep somewhere else. He can set up a z bed or something.

messy123 Thu 08-Oct-20 22:01:56

@Rainbowsparkle His attitude to this is not good. There must be other options. Sofabed? Earplugs? Spare room?

Rainbowsparkle Thu 08-Oct-20 22:04:13

I sleep with earplugs that I got custom Molded and can still hear it. It’s like trying to sleep next to a motorbike. So so loud. I have spent an absolute fortune on all types of anti snore gadgets that have done absolutely nothing. I really am at the end of my tether 😕

OP’s posts: |
DeliciouslyFemale Thu 08-Oct-20 22:05:26

I felt sorry for him, when you said he was afraid, but lost any sympathy when you said he thought it was funny, when you played it back to him. Until he wises up, I’d get rid of the sofa and swap it with a day bed. It is a single bed, with a frame so it can double up as a seat. Play white noise or a babbling brook noise in your children’s rooms. If he won’t use the single bed, at least you will be more comfortable until you decide what to do.

Rainbowsparkle Thu 08-Oct-20 22:07:13

We don’t have a spare bedroom. We live in London so the price difference in getting that extra bedroom is huge. We are getting the loft done. I think at this point it’s not just the snoring it’s his attitude towards rectifying it that is really making me dislike him.

OP’s posts: |
messy123 Thu 08-Oct-20 22:10:32

You have my utmost sympathy OP. As you can probably tell I hate snoring too! I have a friend who does this. I used to live with him years ago so know how bad it is. His girlfriends have always complained about his snoring and the one he is with now sleeps separately from him. I second the sofabed idea, if he won't sleep on it , it will be more comfortable for you. The fact that he thinks it's funny has made my blood boil to be honest.

Burnthurst187 Thu 08-Oct-20 22:12:39

He sounds very selfish to me. He won't sleep on the sofa because it hurts his back but he doesn't mind you hurting your back. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he doesn't want the op because the snoring isn't effecting him

I think the loft conversion needs to be a matter of urgency to save this marriage

Rainbowsparkle Thu 08-Oct-20 22:14:59

Tonight he fell asleep on sofa so I left him there. I’m currently in bed living room door shut, bedroom door shut and it’s still loud.
If the situation was reversed I’d feel awful that i was keeping everyone else awake so would do everything I could to try and get it sorted.

OP’s posts: |
Dorigen Thu 08-Oct-20 22:15:00

OP, I feel your pain. XH snored like that. I was absolutely exhausted - I spent all day, every day with the children, and then had no sleep because of his snoring. I ended up buying a camp bed on Gumtree and putting it up in the sitting room. Intimacy was an absolute no, because I was so unslept and pissed off (among other problems related to his behaviour).

We then bought a house which formalise the 'separate bedrooms' arrangement, then got divorced.

It is easy to underestimate the effect of lying next to someone who's fast asleep and snoring like a sodding pile-driver when you are desperate to get to sleep.

SandyY2K Thu 08-Oct-20 22:15:18

You'll need a very good quality sofa bed, if it's being used to sleep on daily.

Yes...the attitude...laughing is what I would find very and inconsiderate annoying.

I can see why you feel as you do...it's not just the snoring.

smileannie Thu 08-Oct-20 22:16:27

Same problem here, although we are lucky enough to have DDs empty room now that she has moved out. My DH did have an operation to correct this and while it solved the problem for a couple of years, he got back to the same snoring again.
I might add that he only had the operation as he said his snoring was waking him up!

DeliciouslyFemale Thu 08-Oct-20 22:18:07

If it’s reached the stage that he’s keeping you and the kids awake, even in separate rooms, I honestly can’t see the marriage surviving. Are you in a position that means you can leave?

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