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How to end it?

(11 Posts)
alexawhatstheweather Thu 08-Oct-20 11:34:52

So my partner cheated on me just over a year ago and I found out a few months ago. He's also lied to me about things, little things that don't even need lying about as they wouldn't bother me, so clearly it's time for this to end.

However I can't seem to bring myself to end it. Every time I come close to doing it, I chicken out as I know I'll miss him. I liken it to quitting smoking, when I'm halfway through my pack it's the best idea ever but when I've had my last one, I can't do it and end up buying more. We have a long distance relationship of four hours and I live with my two kids so it's not even that I'll miss him being here, it's just that we talk all the time and get on so well. At the same time the term 'better the devil you know' comes into my head, I read about so many awful abusive men on here and it makes me worry that I'll end up with someone like this in the future too.

Any advice? sad

OP’s posts: |
alexawhatstheweather Thu 08-Oct-20 16:25:30

Hopeful bump smile

OP’s posts: |
Livandme Thu 08-Oct-20 16:33:19

Can you gradually reduce amount of contact with the belief it will be for the better good.
Ie, if you talk every day, try go a day without chatting.
At least you aren't going to bump into him which will help

seensome Thu 08-Oct-20 17:50:30

It's never easy when your in love but he has been awful to you and it's very likely he'll do it again, like a ticking time bomb, while your waiting for it to happen you'll constantly feel anxious then when you really suspect or find out you get hurt again! Although you must already be in a lot of turmoil over it. Only you can decide enough is enough and look for a better man but definitely start seeing him less if you can't just stop, see friends more or take your children out instead of spending time with him. He's not the man you can seriously settle down with so don't see him in that light.

Aquamarine1029 Thu 08-Oct-20 17:53:14

Send a "it's over" text and then block him on everything. Don't even wait for a response. Just do it and get it over with.

Stargirl89 Thu 08-Oct-20 18:09:21

@Aquamarine1029 love it 😂🤦🏻‍♀️

I would explain how you feel. If he's cheated most likely it will happen again. Has the trust gone?

Aquamarine1029 Thu 08-Oct-20 18:14:34

I would explain how you feel.

I wouldn't even bother. He knows how you feel about it, and he knew how you'd feel when he cheated on you. He simply didn't care, and he doesn't care now. He's a liar and a cheat, and that will never change.

Stargirl89 Thu 08-Oct-20 18:16:56

I would explain to him how you feel and see what his actions are after your discussion. If he loves you he will listen and change his behaviour.

BIWI Thu 08-Oct-20 18:18:23

It's like ripping off a plaster, isn't it? You know it's best done quickly, but you feel you have to do it slowly!

Do it quickly. It's not doing you or your self esteem any good to keep it going.

TwentyViginti Thu 08-Oct-20 18:19:26


I would explain to him how you feel and see what his actions are after your discussion. If he loves you he will listen and change his behaviour.

Yes a liar will say he'll change his behaviour

Dashel Thu 08-Oct-20 18:32:23

I think you need to go cold turkey. Tell him that you can’t forgive the cheating and you need to end things.

Then throw yourself into other activities, hobbies, dc, work, exercise, pets, decorating, maybe make some new friends etc and try and keep busy

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