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Cutting contact with DP

(32 Posts)
Nemma96 Thu 08-Oct-20 11:27:24

I'm really stressed at the moment, me and my DP live separately and have a 8month old DS.

There's a back story but its too long, but would it be wrong of me to turn my phone off for a few days just to give myself time to think if I want to carry on the relationship.

If i turn my phone off he wont have any contact with our DS and won't be able to see him without getting intouch. I also have the risk of him turning up and not giving me space.

I just really need some time to think and get my head straight. What should I do?

OP’s posts: |
ThreePipeProblems Thu 08-Oct-20 11:29:37

Unless there’s a back story of abuse I’d be furious if the other parent cut off all contact to my child.

Nemma96 Thu 08-Oct-20 11:32:51

this is why I feel bad. I just need time to think. I can say to him he can have DS on his own for a day while I take time but I dont think he would, I think he would want me to be there aswell

OP’s posts: |
Tinofcurses Thu 08-Oct-20 11:33:23

If you just switch off your phone won't he be worried about you and your son and come round to check you're ok?

Nemma96 Thu 08-Oct-20 11:36:57

I would message him to say i will be turning my phone off so I can think.

But tbh i doubt he would come round to check on us even if i just turned my phone off. He would just be angry

OP’s posts: |
category12 Thu 08-Oct-20 12:09:17

If he doesn't allow you time or space, then he's pretty bad news.

You shouldn't need to be constantly available to him.

I would buy yourself time/space. In the morning, text something like "ds in good form, sooo cute (or whatever). Going to be busy today/have some quiet time/social media detox/be offline, speak tomorrow."

Then switch off your phone, and then check in the next day, similarly.

icelollycraving Thu 08-Oct-20 12:14:06

Surely he will just turn up?
You’d be better to say that you need a bit of time to yourself after letting him speak to your child.

Nemma96 Thu 08-Oct-20 12:20:34

He normally like to facetime when he wakes up, which is about midday then wants to facetime a few hours later and then before bed then messages throughout. He hasn't seen our DS in person for just over a week so I doubt he will actually come over. He just likes to facetime

Hes never awake when I wake up. I think i might message him then turn my phone off.

I really do need a few days not talking to him to see if we are meant to be together. Atm I'm such a mess with everything and just feel like everything is going round in circles

OP’s posts: |
category12 Thu 08-Oct-20 12:26:39

Why's he in bed til midday??

Nemma96 Thu 08-Oct-20 12:28:32

@category12 because hes on his own i guess. I have DS so he doesnt have a reason to wake up early. Not that it changes if he stays over

OP’s posts: |
category12 Thu 08-Oct-20 12:30:57

Doesn't he have a job?

So he's an angry, over-bearing, jobless guy?

newnameforthis123 Thu 08-Oct-20 12:32:54

Can't you say you're getting your phone / internet fixed or something if you really can't just say you need a day of space? I've done that before when someone wouldn't get the message.

Nemma96 Thu 08-Oct-20 12:33:31

no he doesnt have a job.

This is why I need time to think, and other reasons that have been brought up again

OP’s posts: |
Nemma96 Thu 08-Oct-20 12:35:27

I can day im getting my phone fixed but then he would tell me to use my laptop to message him, and if I say my Internet is down he knows i have Internet on my phone.

He knows were having problems as I said a few issues yesterday that he just kept going round in circles about so he would know something is on my mind

OP’s posts: |
Givemeabreak88 Thu 08-Oct-20 12:37:58

Doesn’t sound
Like a relationship anyway tbh.

anonnnnni Thu 08-Oct-20 13:06:18

Is he aware that you’re reconsidering/evaluating things between you and him?

Irrespective, I think a message along the following lines is fine:

‘Hi, DC is fine/cute/happy doing X this morning. I could use a day or two to have a think about what we’ve spoken about/about things without being disturbed. Grateful if you don’t contact me until tomorrow.’

If he doesn’t respect your request then you have even more to think about in terms of whether you want to be with this man. Judging by your post and the domestic arrangement you describe, I suspect your mind is already made up.

Nemma96 Thu 08-Oct-20 13:16:11

@anonnnnni If he actually thought about it then he would know but I think he thinks everything is still normal.

I've decide im going to text him and let him know DS is fine and I just need a few days.

I think i have made my mind up regarding the relationship but need to think realistically and make sure its the right decision. I also to think about how I'm going to explain everything to him or just to say its over

OP’s posts: |
timeisnotaline Thu 08-Oct-20 13:20:24

I hope when you’ve made up your mind that you realise there’s no point calling someone dp when the most contact they want with their baby most days is FaceTime, not because they are busy at work but because they can’t be bothered.

Nemma96 Thu 08-Oct-20 14:06:52

@timeisnotaline I've made him sound worse then he actually is. He doesnt work because of an health issue and will work as soon as he can.

Also he saw his son everyday but I asked him to move out and now he doesnt live with us so sees our DS through facetime.

The issue with our relationship is with his ex. That he also has 2 children with. There alot of back story, she stalked me, threatened me with a knife and waited outside my old apartments that I had to move, she also threatened to "kick my baby out of me".

He pussy foots around her and acts like she does him a favour letting him speak or even see the kids. I cant cope being with someone who doesn't stand up to someone like that. I cant live life dealing with her forever

OP’s posts: |
crystalize Thu 08-Oct-20 14:49:31

Just text you need time out from contact and you will be in contact for a few days. Soundd like this is over but you're afraid of ending it properly?

crystalize Thu 08-Oct-20 14:50:17

Sorry be in contact after a few days!

Nemma96 Thu 08-Oct-20 14:53:28

@crystalize you've hit the nail on the head. It is over in my eyes but I do still love him dearly and wish things were different.

I need time to think how to end it on good terms because of DS.

I've messaged him and hes just taking time to reply

OP’s posts: |
rainbowstardrops Thu 08-Oct-20 14:59:04

How old is your DS?

Also, it's not his fault if he can't work for a medical reason (I assume he's not milking a situation) and it must be hard if he lived with you all but you asked him to leave. Have you sat down and properly discussed the ex?

If you have and he's not supporting you as much as you need then you need to tell him the relationship can't carry on but maybe he can change things?

Nemma96 Thu 08-Oct-20 15:03:26

@rainbowstardrops our DS is 8months old.

Hes not milking the situation he is hoping to start working next year if everything goes well health wise. I asked him to leave because his ex was trying to follow us home when we had the children and was asking them for my address which he understood why I dont want her to be able to come to my home.

We have spoken about the ex so many times, he says he knows she is out of order, but whenever I've rang the police or when my midwife rang SS because of everything he has a go at me because she stops him seeing the kids.

I understand he needs to see the kids but he should stand up.for me when she rings and starts saying vile things about me or threating me but he doesnt say anything.

OP’s posts: |
Palavah Thu 08-Oct-20 15:06:48

Why doesn't he take your son for 48 hours so you can have some real headspace and he doesn't need to call?

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