I don't mean it in a bad way - right now I feel like I get all the fulfillment I need from them.
I have a wonderful fiancée (I proposed a few weeks into lockdown when I realised that being stuck together in a slightly pokey house all the time wasn't affecting our happiness at all.) SD10, SD6 & DD1.5.
I moved in four years ago. She'd kicked her ex out a year before. My ten year relationship with my ex had ended a couple of years before - very amicably. I'd realised a wanted a family (very late) - she wanted the family life she'd dreamed of with her ex but he wasn't able to give.
It's all worked brilliantly. Excellent relationship with my SDs (who live with us 12 days out of 14) from day 1 really. They love their little sister and both had separately asked when we would have a baby (actually when my partner was already pregnant but before we'd told them!)
My partner is, very genuinely, my best friend too. We're a little different but our differences have enriched each other. We both enjoy the family time, and when we now and again get childcare we party hard - together.
It's all great. But it's also all I have.
As a single guy before, I went out a lot drinking with a couple of friends. I've had to more or less leave those friendships. They were just too drinking-based. My SDs dad is an alcoholic and I felt I owed it to them to de-normalize not just drinking but having a grumpy hungover person being distant from them in the morning. And honestly I don't miss it much - it was filling a hole in my life that has been filled by something better. This wasn't a pressure from my partner by the way, although I know she appreciates it. It was just important to me.
I'm an immigrant (from the UK, now living in Scandinavia) so my social circles were small and select to begin with. I have a great relationship with my parents but they're far away (they also emigrated - in a warmer direction than me!)
Since baby came along it's just a two person job really. We suspect the eldest SD has mild SEN, which she's being evaluated for. SD6 is a big personality - lively, brash, absolutely hilarious, and consequently a little exhausting. And the little one seeks anything slightly dangerous or destructive with that endearing instinct that toddlers have. I don't really have the head space for anything outside the home and my job.
I've been feeling sad recently about not seeing my parents. We should have had a big holiday there in the summer, and they should have visited here twice since the pandemic started. They should have been here at Christmas. I can tell my mum is really devastated by missing her granddaughter grow up. I'm struggling with that too.
My partner has a bigger social circle, obviously, as well as family nearby. I have no envy over this, and like her friends, but I feel like she doesn't go out as often as she should. Fair enough, somehow after lockdown and the stresses of a little baby and all that we're still in the honeymoon phase after four years.
I don't know if it's all the corona stuff, and family situation, but I'm starting to get a little anxious that in a few years when the kids are more independent I'll be a burden socially. I don't feel I have an opportunity to get a social life or hobby at the moment. She'd give me that opportunity, but right now my heart wouldn't be in it anyway. It's been getting me down.
I don't even know what I'm asking. Does anyone else have it all at home and still feel anxious that there should be more? I've had friend's parents that lead such insular and limited lives after their kids left home because they had nothing else. I guess I'm stressing that that'll be me. I just don't have a drive for more right now because it all feels like 'enough' right here at home.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Slightly uneasy that my family is everything
19 replies
NewLevelsOfTiredness · 08/10/2020 08:52
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.