I have hit rock bottom with my happiness. I'm not depressed. I know it's not depression. I'm just bored and lonely. I have young kids. I don't work currently. I can't get a job right now. I need to wait until we are funded for my son next year to go to nursery. Even then it will be tricky as my partner's job isn't flexible enough. No support from family.
I've woken up this morning and thought heavily about my days. My life in general and how I feel. My relationship bores the stuffing out of me. I recently entertained the idea of getting to know another man, who was showing strong interest and told my neighbour he liked me. But he didn't pluck up the courage to give me a number etc. I wasn't going to cheat. I wanted to get to know him but I very much intended to speak with my oh about accepting us being friends and finding a way forward. We have children. But no romance or sex. It's not been right for at least 18 months- 2 years. But I plod on for our kids and families. I'm trying to get over the guy who noticed me because he gave me hope for some fresh changes.
I don't want to join the gym. But I would like to say I have a hobby. But I don't. I get interrupted having a wee, so as much as I'd love to learn to bake, make things or read books I can't! Once my toddler crashes for a nap I try and get the jobs done. Which is hard because literally I'm expected to pick up after everyone! My partner will wash up and stuff. But he is absolutely useless at having a tidy up. I spend all my life saying I can't clean up because by the time I've picked up after everyone there's no time.
My parents are not the best. Never really been interested or consistent. My mum's actually so unnatural at being a mum she hides behind taking the pee and she sees emotion as weakness. So she's no support. I feel so lonely.
I have a couple of lovely mum friends. But this year has been really hard to invest in eachother. We speak most days. But the weather has been rubbish lately and even meeting for a walk gets cancelled. .
To top it off I've stopped going in shops/places unless it's vital. I hate masks. I can't enjoy myself wearing one. So I feel trapped. Not even being able to take my children to a cafe is doing my head in. But it's not worth the risk. Plus I get a sweaty face in minutes from masks.
Overall starting to question where I go next.
I need to get over a man.
Find a way to feel fufilled again.
Feel less lonely in a world where socialising is restrictive.
Feel like my life doesn't revolve around fighting a loosing battle with the house everyday.
Thanks for reading.
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7 replies
Potatoxfaces · 08/10/2020 06:58
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