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Lost in all areas.

(8 Posts)
Potatoxfaces Thu 08-Oct-20 06:58:57

I have hit rock bottom with my happiness. I'm not depressed. I know it's not depression. I'm just bored and lonely. I have young kids. I don't work currently. I can't get a job right now. I need to wait until we are funded for my son next year to go to nursery. Even then it will be tricky as my partner's job isn't flexible enough. No support from family.

I've woken up this morning and thought heavily about my days. My life in general and how I feel. My relationship bores the stuffing out of me. I recently entertained the idea of getting to know another man, who was showing strong interest and told my neighbour he liked me. But he didn't pluck up the courage to give me a number etc. I wasn't going to cheat. I wanted to get to know him but I very much intended to speak with my oh about accepting us being friends and finding a way forward. We have children. But no romance or sex. It's not been right for at least 18 months- 2 years. But I plod on for our kids and families. I'm trying to get over the guy who noticed me because he gave me hope for some fresh changes.

I don't want to join the gym. But I would like to say I have a hobby. But I don't. I get interrupted having a wee, so as much as I'd love to learn to bake, make things or read books I can't! Once my toddler crashes for a nap I try and get the jobs done. Which is hard because literally I'm expected to pick up after everyone! My partner will wash up and stuff. But he is absolutely useless at having a tidy up. I spend all my life saying I can't clean up because by the time I've picked up after everyone there's no time.

My parents are not the best. Never really been interested or consistent. My mum's actually so unnatural at being a mum she hides behind taking the pee and she sees emotion as weakness. So she's no support. I feel so lonely.

I have a couple of lovely mum friends. But this year has been really hard to invest in eachother. We speak most days. But the weather has been rubbish lately and even meeting for a walk gets cancelled. .

To top it off I've stopped going in shops/places unless it's vital. I hate masks. I can't enjoy myself wearing one. So I feel trapped. Not even being able to take my children to a cafe is doing my head in. But it's not worth the risk. Plus I get a sweaty face in minutes from masks.

Overall starting to question where I go next.

I need to get over a man.
Find a way to feel fufilled again.
Feel less lonely in a world where socialising is restrictive.
Feel like my life doesn't revolve around fighting a loosing battle with the house everyday.

Thanks for reading.

OP’s posts: |
TracyMosby Thu 08-Oct-20 07:02:30

Why ARe you staying married?

Potatoxfaces Thu 08-Oct-20 07:07:37

I'm not married.
I have children and a mortgage with him. So it's really for the kids.

OP’s posts: |
pumpkinpie01 Thu 08-Oct-20 07:21:43

You sound massively stuck in a rut , trying to have a consistently tidy house with young kids is thankless and hard. Do you still love your dp and would like to ignite some love back into the relationship? Does he know how fed up you are?

NotaCoolMum Thu 08-Oct-20 07:24:47

You’re your own worst enemy- so many “I can’t” in your post!! YES YOU CAN FIND A HOBBY, YOU CAN LEARN TO BAKE.... yes it’s harder to have a hobby around children but why not let them learn with you?....

As for your relationship- if you’re miserable- discuss it with your partner or leave. It’s not fair on you OR him to stay if you’re unhappy. Staying for your children and the rest of your family won’t work as your resentment will grow and children are VERY clever and pick up on things even if you think they don’t.

You say “I wasn’t going to cheat”. Yes you were- whether you set out to cheat or not is one thing, but you were planning to get to know a man that you know for a fact is interested in you...this will only lead to a lot of very MESSY trouble I promise.

You do have the power to change your circumstances but you have to do a lot of digging and find your strength to possibly make some hard decisions 🌻

category12 Thu 08-Oct-20 07:25:25

You've got to stop with all the negative talk. All this "I can't.." and excuse-making.

You can do positive things towards your goals - it may not be the right time to get a job, but you can shine up your cv, do a training course, plan.

You need to get over yourself about masks. So you get a sweaty face, big whoop, how tragic. You can let that stand in the way of doing things and your own enjoyment, or you can accept it and bloody get on with things.

You're standing in your own way for so much of this. You need to change your own mindset.

It might be worth speaking with a counsellor or doing some therapy to break the unhealthy thought patterns you've got going on.

category12 Thu 08-Oct-20 07:56:42

Don't get me wrong, I am sympathetic that life with small kids can be utter drudgery plus the constant demands on your attention.

Consider the possibility of a few hours a week in childcare while you work or do a course or hobby, if you can afford to. Even working effectively to pay the childcare might benefit you emotionally and therefore be worthwhile.

But you need to stop with putting your own roadblocks in your way.

TiggerDatter Thu 08-Oct-20 08:33:33

Forget tidying the house, work on freeing up that time each day for you - and BAKE! Or whatever.

Talk to your OH.

I get you feel overwhelmed, so two small steps for starters.

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