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Struggling to move on and do the right thing

(9 Posts)
LilSoph87 Wed 07-Oct-20 00:19:44

Long story short, I get on really well with a senior manager at work. He's 8 years older than me and is generally really friendly with everyone in the office, but we have a lot in common and often end up chatting in the main office or in his office on our own about random stuff for ages.

While I noticed he was attractive, I didn't really give him too much thought because he's one of the big bosses. But then on a work night out we ended up sharing a kiss after too much to drink. He brought it up with me, super casual, the next time I saw him and he brushed it off as a drunken thing. He didn't say that he regretted it, just that it was unexpected. Since then we've been back to chatting as normal and have exchanged a few messages - he text me to wish me happy birthday and we've messaged a couple of times since. Nothing sexual, all normal chit-chat.

So the dilemma is that since the kiss I think I'm starting to really feel for him. I don't want to give away my job, but it's not ideal that we have such a close relationship, even as friends, and I know I need to take a step back. The bigger reason I need to do this is because he's married with kids. I don't want to hurt anyone so how do I stop these feelings I'm having and change our relationship/friendship/whatever it is without it effecting my work.

Tbh I think he just thinks of me as a member of staff he gets on with.

I feel in a right pickle. Anyone been through something similar that can help? Or can someone give me a reality check?

OP’s posts: |
Anordinarymum Wed 07-Oct-20 00:22:52

I think if he wanted to take it further, he would have made a move by now.
You have to let this go. He's married. He belongs to someone else and he is a twat as well

Itsmybirthday19 Wed 07-Oct-20 01:47:03

What's your situation OP... single?

LilSoph87 Wed 07-Oct-20 08:32:49

Yeah I'm single, but still live with my ex and our 18 month DS. Not a great situation, but for now it's working for us financially and with childcare. Obviously that is going to change dramatically when one of us meets someone else!

Me and the boss never really speak about our personal lives too deeply, he's never told me that he's married. But I'm not blind to the wedding ring and the WhatsApp picture of his two kids.

But I can't suddenly ignore him, he's the boss, but at the same time carrying on like we are is not going to help me get over him. Just feel stuck!

OP’s posts: |
SonEtLumiere Wed 07-Oct-20 08:35:34

Recognise that he is a bit of a shit! What makes you think you are in any way special to him and not just the latest in a line of indiscretions?
Do you actually want to be with someone who would behave like that?

2me2u2u2me Wed 07-Oct-20 08:47:06

I was going to say what pp said, if he is married with children would you want to be with someone that would go out and kiss another woman behind his wife's back?!

I would back off chatting so much with him, it seems you can do this pretty easily by not being in the same space as him and not going into his office, if he's not married, as you say you're not sure, then if he's interested he will make it obvious.

SecondStageIgnition Wed 07-Oct-20 12:58:07

The reality check is that he is a revolting human being who clearly thinks nothing of his wife if he can kiss another woman and then brush it off so casually. The reality check is that he has no feelings for you and views you as a member of staff - and probably views you as a member of staff who he has identified as being easy meat. Sorry if that sounds harsh. I was propositioned years ago by my boss who was married - he suggested we 'get a room' at a works' Christmas do. I put him straight and thereafter viewed him with contempt. You should do the same.

Maltadreams Wed 07-Oct-20 13:07:28

I'm going through something similar. Been flirting and making conversation and eye contact with a random man in the street. Really heavily like him. I dream about him. I waste the days away thinking of him. I'm always waiting for the next time I see him. It's exhausting me and taking over.

I would be the same as you and I have no advice. Awkward isn't it.

RantyAnty Wed 07-Oct-20 13:15:51

He probably tries it on with other women at the office he finds attractive.
He's probably charming too.

You can stop thinking about him. You want to keep your job.
Just be cordial to him like anyone else and avoid drunken after work socials with him.

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