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Getting back together after separation

(17 Posts)
Lochnessgiraffe Tue 06-Oct-20 17:59:48

My dh and I are thinking of trying to get back together. We've been separated for 2 years neither of us have dated and we need to take it slowly for the children. Anyone got any positive stories?

OP’s posts: |
workshy44 Tue 06-Oct-20 18:02:53

I know someone who did and it has worked out v well but there was a v clear reason for the initial split which has since resolved
I think you need to examine why you split in the first place and if the reason still exists or has the potential to pop back up again
Just because neither of you have dated since is probably not a good enough reason (if children are involved)

Teaandbisuits99 Tue 06-Oct-20 18:14:51

Dont do it, ive done it twice and not about to split for a third i just think the 2 years ive wasted😭
What are your reasons for wanting to get back together?

Teaandbisuits99 Tue 06-Oct-20 18:15:30

Now not NOT sorry

EvenMoreFuriousVexation Tue 06-Oct-20 18:18:59

I agree that it depends on the reasons for the split.

And that the reason for getting back isn't "because its easier than finding someone else".

EvenMoreFuriousVexation Tue 06-Oct-20 18:21:17

And I did do this myself. But it failed because I'd lost all respect for him during the split due to his behaviour to me and our son during the period apart. I thought trying again was the right thing for our son, but it was unsustainable.

andadietcoke Tue 06-Oct-20 18:23:31

I did this. 8 years and 7yo DTs later things are at least as bad as they were when I left, and have been for many years.

Sssloou Tue 06-Oct-20 18:26:23

Why did you split?

Who called the split?

How were each of you impacted by it emotionally and practically?

How did you get on when separated?
Did you cooperate?

Who has suggested getting back together?

Have each of you changed during this time?

Are each of you prepared / capable of adapting?

What are your expectations?

Do you truly love and desire each other or is it because the grass wasn’t greener, it’s grim out there OLD and it’s convenient to get back together?

Have you each had time to reflect, change, grow - and to respect and appreciate each other?

Sssloou Tue 06-Oct-20 18:28:29

The risk is to your DCs going through this twice. That would be horrendous for them.

Do your best to ensure as much as you can that this won’t happen.

Pieceofpurplesky Tue 06-Oct-20 18:30:07

A lot depends on why you split in the first place

Reb4evaaa Tue 06-Oct-20 19:23:11

Need more info to judge

CodenameVillanelle Tue 06-Oct-20 19:23:41

Why did you split?

category12 Tue 06-Oct-20 19:24:56

Why did you split, and what has changed that makes those reasons no longer dealbreakers?

cakeandeatit Tue 06-Oct-20 19:34:17

It worked for me although we were only apart for 1 year (together 15yrs apart for 1, now back together for 4). We basically and in summary stopped working at our relationship and thats why it unraveled (no third partys involved at any point). We realised we still deeply loved each other and we both saw where we'd gone wrong. It was the right decision for us to get back together. We both now value what we have hugely.

Mummybearsporridge Tue 06-Oct-20 19:46:12

Worked for me. We both appreciate each other a lot more now and I think it's made our relationship much stronger.

RLEOM Thu 08-Oct-20 01:02:23

I got back with an ex after nearly 6 months apart. It was lovely at first but we only lasted another 2 years as the reasons we'd split in the first place were still there. We were together 5 years in total.

user1481840227 Thu 08-Oct-20 02:04:26

This is so risky when there are children involved.

Why did you split up?
How did the children take it?
How do the children find their new normal with 2 separate households?
How will you be able to take it slowly without the children finding out?

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