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Sex with someone who has erectile dysfunction

(9 Posts)
earthtopluto Tue 06-Oct-20 15:19:46

I've recently started seeing a lovely man. We haven't had sex yet but think we will in the near future. He has a physical abnormality which means he has had erectile dysfunction for pretty much his whole adult life. He has to inject himself directly in to his penis in order to gain an erection. This isn't a problem for me at all. I was just wondering if any women on here had been with anyone who had a similar issue? I don't want to bombard him with questions just yet and don't want him to think it's a big issue. I don't know if he can get that horny feeling, and I'm aware that sex will never be totally spontaneous. Long term (if it gets that far) I know I would just get used to it, but was wondering if anyone had any words of wisdom for me? Sorry didn't post in 'sex' - new poster so not allowed!

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earthtopluto Tue 06-Oct-20 15:36:49

Bump

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Toddlerteaplease Tue 06-Oct-20 15:47:47

Don't make an issue of it. (I'm sure you won't. Since you are aware of it)
There are lots of other ways to have fun. It's not the end of the world.

NewYearHere20 Tue 06-Oct-20 16:46:50

I've been with a guy who had ED. Honestly he was the most considerate man I've been with so don't let it put you off. Your fella is obviously fairly open with his condition as he's obviously already opened discussions with you about it. I would say don't be worried about asking questions - chances are he's very used to how things work for him - so he shouldn't mind being questioned as long as its not like the Spanish inquisition. Let him take the lead I would say when you both feel you're ready to make the step into DTD.
If he doesn't get an erection don't take it personally - it wont be because of you.
There are lots of ways to enjoy intimacy - doesn't have to always be full sex smile

BubblyBarbara Tue 06-Oct-20 19:57:27

If you’re totally fine with it or think you can be satisfied with non PIV a lot of the time then fill your boots. If you think you will have any disappointment at all about the spontaneity or the lack of spark over it, it might play at the back of your mind for ages and you might want to call it a day early as you only live once. Do you see this potentially turning into a sexless marriage as you get older and does that bother you? Those are the questions I would be asking myself.

SweatyBetty20 Tue 06-Oct-20 21:45:27

I’m a couple of months further down the line with the nicest guy who has ED. Think it’s psychological after stress ttc in a previous relationship.

What I’ve found is to talk open about it very early on, but not make a big deal with it. His is pretty bad - he can masturbate, but I had no luck getting him erect at first. But we talked a lot about it and did other stuff, and there has been a limited gradual improvement. Viagra helps a bit, but we haven’t had penetrative sex more than a couple of times and he hasn’t orgasmed. But, hand jobs are now working although it takes time for him to get there, and he is very, very good at pleasing me in other ways. I don’t really feel that anything is lacking.

He is the nicest, kindest man I have met in a long time and we have so much in common. We’ll continue to work on it, a bit at a time. We are too old for kids - I am perimenopausal - so that’s a pressure that’s off. We don’t have much PIV sex but there is so much intimacy. I can’t see myself going anywhere - he makes me really happy. It’s nothing he or I have done wrong, and I’d much rather have him in my life than not.

SoulofanAggron Tue 06-Oct-20 22:08:17

What I will say is don't expect miracles from this injection. I've not had a partner who had to have injections, but had one who used a medical-grade pump. It still wasn't usually fully effective.

I suppose you can only see what it's like.

How old are you OP? Life is short, and the sexual performance of all men risks declining with age. If you can have a partner who doesn't have ED, I suggest making hay while the sun shines and grabbing it with both hands. smile

earthtopluto Tue 06-Oct-20 22:15:41

Definitely OK with him having ED. The injection definitely works for him. Probably a little too well! My last relationship was a very abusive one. This guy is just, wonderful (so far). Not willing to let something so good go over something that isn't a big deal for me.

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movingonup20 Tue 06-Oct-20 22:25:15

Let's face it, we spend most of our lives doing a myriad of things that isn't sex, it's actually a very tiny part of a relationship and there's lots of ways to be intimate too. You will get used to his ed, whether the relationship works for you is down to everything else. My dp has some issues but he's the most attentive man I've ever known, put it this way, I'm not going without!

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