Husband leaving tomorrow

[Blossomhill123]

Half of me is thankful but other half feeling anxious and scared .
Please tell me everything will be ok 😢.

[ulanbatorismynextstop]

You haven't given us much to go on, unless this links to another thread. Did you want him to go?

[NoEffingWay]

Everything will be okay.

For a while it will feel like the worst thing to have ever happened.

And then, one day, you'll catch yourself laughing or singing along to the radio. And you'll remember what happiness feels like. And you'll know that you are alright without him.

You will be better than you have felt for a while, and you will know it was better to be out of a failing relationship than staying.

[MJMG2015]

It WILL be ok. It'll take some time, but just hang in there!! It'll be ok 🌷

[HeyBlaby]

Same (I wanted him to go!) Sure it'll be hard at first adjusting, but I'd rather be on my own than in a rubbish relationship.

[Liveandforget]

Of course it will. When mine left I was petrified as had never lived alone, I've proved to myself and to him I can live alone and don't need him.

What are you must worried about? Name your fears and break each down. Jot them down, and next to each, a quick note on how you can tackle each and who/What can help.

I like doing Dr Ranganathan's 5 minute journal in the morning that's like a brain dump and helps to get all your concerns onto paper.

Do you have support from family or friends?

[Marie84]

It will take some adjusting to but you WILL be ok. Difficult at the moment but try and surround yourself with family/friends and try and keep busy. I found it was the evenings that were the hardest but in time it will get easier. Take care x

[Blossomhill123]

Years of abuse . I don’t think I love him . He tried to suffocate me with a pillow because I confronted him about certain things .

[Palavah]

Is someone with you? Does someone in real life know? Hope you are safe now. Have you spoken to the police, or woman's aid?

[movingonup20]

It will be ok! A year ago I was you, a year later I've moved in with my now dp and we are snuggled up watching a movie (it's the ads which means phone time!)

[Honeyroar]

Sounds like it’s fabulous that he’s going. Your new life starts tomorrow.. But youlll no doubt have wobbles. Make a list of the reasons you want him to go. The bad things he’s done to you. The fear you felt. Read it every time you think you miss him. Surround yourself with good friends and family that you can lean on. Spoil yourself- even in tiny ways. A new duvet cover and lamp to make your bedroom feel different and “yours” (heck even a full decorate and change round of furniture if you want!). Be nice to yourself. You might need to grieve before you can move forward. But stay strong.

[Blossomhill123]

I should have finished it all years ago .
My poor kids have seen the violence.
He’s very good at making me feel it’s all my fault. I think I’m to blame for everything.

[biscuiteer]

Oh my god OP did you ever report that? I am so sorry this has happened to you. It was ever your fault. You are going to get your life back and you will be so so much better without this man. You really will.

Are you safe tonight?

[biscuiteer]

*Never you fault

[OntheWaves40]

I’m very worried about your safety tonight. Is there somewhere you and DC can go until he’s gone?

[Blossomhill123]

He has packed his suitcase .Our children are young adults . They are not in the house .
I will lock my bedroom door tonight and keep my phone by my bed .
I think he knows this is the end .

[SuckingDownDarjeeling]

Everything will be okay. When he leaves, you'll probably wonder how you'll cope. And feel sad because he walked away and made you feel like you weren't worth fighting for. Then soon you'll start to realise all the little freedoms that you have, all the space. Nobody around to get annoyed with you 'doing things wrong'.

Then most likely when he realises that you're not crying begging for him to come back, he'll start harassing you to give him another chance.
And you'll be amazed at how little you care about him any more. And smile. And tell him to do one.

[caringcarer]

You may feel better if you are out of the house when he leaves. First thing I would do is have locks changed. Call a locksmith and pretend you have list your keys. You will feel safe in your home once he has gone and you have locks changed.

At first it may feel strange but quickly you will feel more relaxed.

In future you won't have someone telling you what you can and can't do. You choose.

Make the house look different. New duvet, new mugs, new cushions. Throw any bits he leaves out. His mug etc.

I hope you can make lovely warm and relaxing home for your children. Good luck.

[Palavah]

You are not to blame. Are you ok just now?

[Dery]

"I’m very worried about your safety tonight. Is there somewhere you and DC can go until he’s gone?"

This with bells on. You shouldn't be alone in the house with him. Do you have someone who can come and stay? Or is there somewhere you can go (though he may smash up the house if you're not there but that is better than him killing you)?

Don't worry about COVID-19 restrictions - you're in a domestic violence situation so the rules don't apply. If I were you, I would get one or two large relatives or friends to stay with you - possibly best if at least one of them is as he may be less likely to kick off if there is another man there.

Don't just rely on phoning the police if you feel threatened, though of course you should call the police if you can. Most men are more physically powerful than most women. He may feel he has nothing to lose and he could still kill you in the time it takes for the police to reach you. So please either remove yourself or have some other people with you overnight.

You will be so much better without him. But please keep yourself safe until he's gone.

[Dery]

... if at least one of them is male as he may be less likely to kick off ...

[Blossomhill123]

He left very early this morning suitcase has gone .
He told me he only held the pillow over my head for two seconds (he always makes everything sound minor) .
It was a lot longer than that . I was panicking and screaming .

[AlreadyGone44]

I'm glad he's gone and you're safe for the moment. Even if it had been brief as per his minimisation, what makes him think that behaviour is ever OK? There's only one reason you'd do something like that, to scare and control the other person. None of its OK. Do you have anyone you can talk to? It will be ok. You've survived his abuse, you can do this.

[JuanNil]

He told me he only held the pillow over my head for two seconds

The reason you felt you had to write that here is probably because you're processing your emotions. Sometimes it's not enough to say you know it was wrong, you need to hear it from others. So I'll add, along with many others I'm sure, that two seconds is two seconds too long. It's like saying 'I only stabbed him once'. He sounds like an absolute idiot. I can only imagine what the real world has in store for him. Don't worry about him now. Even if he tells you he's homeless. There are websites he can visit. He'll always be the victim in his mind.

[averythinline]

Well done ...you are being very brave....make sure you change your locks.....front and back...

[Dashel]

This is the start of your new life. Keep the door locked and breathe, maybe do something relaxing to decompress like yoga, meditation, baking a bath or whatever helps you to keep calm.

It’s important to take some time to heal yourself and the kids so plan how you are going to do that as a family.

Then over the next few days start to plan how you are going to manage to separate the finances and start making the house feel like a safe haven for you and the DCs.