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Should I forgive - forget and be friends?

(48 Posts)
deesdeli Mon 05-Oct-20 13:27:32

My ex partner has cheated on me, I found out he had gone on holiday with this woman and was planning a second one before I found out.
This woman was fully aware he had a partner.

We broke up and he went straight to her but then came back to me as things did not go well with them and he found he had nowhere to live. I let him live with me whilst he sorted his life out but during this time he convinced me to give things another go.

We broke up again and he went back to the same woman.
Like history repeating things started go terribly for him - not just with this woman but he lost his job etc.
Like a fool I allowed him to stay with me but have since kicked him out as I discovered more to the story between them.

He now wants to be friends and says he wants to rebuild the trust and prove that I can trust him - just as friends.

I realise that both times he went back we were not technically together but I feel so humiliated and such a fool for letting him back in. I am also furious with the other woman but realise there is nothing I can do about her.

I am at a loss what to do as I still have feelings for him but know I do not love him

- Should I try and be friends?

OP’s posts: |
P999 Mon 05-Oct-20 13:30:34

No.

P999 Mon 05-Oct-20 13:31:34

flowers please don't.

Bufferingkisses Mon 05-Oct-20 13:32:12

In what other walk of life would you let someone treat you so badly and then go "oh, well, never mind 🤷‍♀️" Work? Friends? No?

Don't be ridiculous, the guy is a total loser. Block all communication and find someone who actually likes you to spend your energy on.

Words mean nothing, actions tell you who they are and he has shouted his contempt for you from the rooftops.

Sundries Mon 05-Oct-20 13:34:14

Why on earth would you want to be friends? What would be in it for you?

Islagray11 Mon 05-Oct-20 13:34:29

No, absolutely not.

He has zero respect for you, and also knows that he can come running back to you every time his life goes tits up.

Like PP said, block him on everything. Don't try and get in touch, move on from him and show him that you know you are worth more.

AvoidingRealHumans Mon 05-Oct-20 13:36:20

Why would you want to be friends with someone who has treated you so badly?
He sounds like a master manipulator, don't fall for it.

Savemyusername Mon 05-Oct-20 13:37:31

What does friends actually mean?

No anyway.

Deadringer Mon 05-Oct-20 13:39:06

You don't need friends like him. Tell him to fuck off.

Keepyourconversationsboring Mon 05-Oct-20 13:40:54

You've been very accommodating to a man who has treated you terribly. I'd be cutting contact completely and moving on with my life. He doesn't deserve another second of your thoughts!

Greycurtiansarenaff Mon 05-Oct-20 13:42:07

Tell him to fuck off! I had the exact same situation with my ex, eventually he turned on me and now our dc all because of one woman.

ulanbatorismynextstop Mon 05-Oct-20 13:44:25

No! How low are you setting your bar?? You are like limboing champion having a bar that low. Block and move on!!!

HollowTalk Mon 05-Oct-20 13:45:45

No, staying friends is when you just split up because you're no longer suited, but have treated each other really well and still like each other a lot. This relationship doesn't resemble that in any way whatsoever.

HollowTalk Mon 05-Oct-20 13:46:08

ulanbatorismynextstop

No! How low are you setting your bar?? You are like limboing champion having a bar that low. Block and move on!!!

grin

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Mon 05-Oct-20 13:47:12

Not a chance in hell.

category12 Mon 05-Oct-20 13:47:44

Well, what sort of friend is he actually?! He's a user and a cheat, who has treated you like rubbish and let you down multiple times.

I don't have any "friends" like that with so little respect for me.

Do yourself a favour and stop engaging with him. He's an adult, he needs to sort his own life out, without you mummying him and being his fallback option.

Purplecatshopaholic Mon 05-Oct-20 13:47:47

No, no, and no again. He wants to keep you as an option. Block and ignore this loser

Thisisnotnormal69 Mon 05-Oct-20 13:48:08

You wouldn’t (or bloody shouldn’t) accept this level of hurt and betrayal from a friend, so why would you take him on even as a friend after all he’s done? He’s shown he doesn’t give a shit about you (sorry) flowers

Eistigi Mon 05-Oct-20 13:48:49

No. Block him, the useless user!
Unless you have children together (and you don't mention that you do), never speak to him again!

billy1966 Mon 05-Oct-20 13:50:18

Block.
User.
Have some respect for yourself even if he clearly doesn't.

flowers

VillageGreenPreservationSoc Mon 05-Oct-20 13:50:19

HollowTalk

No, staying friends is when you just split up because you're no longer suited, but have treated each other really well and still like each other a lot. This relationship doesn't resemble that in any way whatsoever.

This.

jelly79 Mon 05-Oct-20 13:50:46

What would make you want to be? Serious question. Try and answer honestly

PamDemic Mon 05-Oct-20 13:51:59

nah, he's treated you like shit. Friends don't do that. Friends are kind and respectful and care for you. He's no friend.

I know someone who has left the same woman over and over again. She always takes him back no matter how awfully he treats her. He said to me that he doesn't know why she likes him, all he's ever done is leave her. And he also said that he knows she'll never leave him He has treated her with zero respect and kindness and every time he goes back the treatment is more degrading. She thinks he comes back because she is the love of his life. She's like a dog waiting to be kicked. Don't be her.

krustykittens Mon 05-Oct-20 13:54:54

You know he just wants to be friends because you always sort his life ut for him when it goes wrong, don't you? Not because he cares about you but because he cares about what you can do for him, and the fact that it doesn't seem to matter how badly he treats you, you will keep doing it for him. Stop being a mug, OP, and get this man out of your life.

Aquamarine1029 Mon 05-Oct-20 13:57:44

Haha, no. Fuck that guy. Why would you even contemplate this? Are you a glutton for punishment? Fool me once and all that...

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