First time poster here but have gained quite a lot of comfort and advice from reading others.
I’ve been separated 3 years, but divorced just a few months after a horrific acrimonious divorce, financial and child side. Relieved things are now sorted and I can get back on my feet but it’s been an emotional rollercoaster for me as I was totally blindsided.
Ex has played to the script; the “I’m unhappy” totally out of the blue after 20 years = affair with a known friend that he tried to hide and lied about since - to the solicitors, to everyone, despite leaving a financial trail to her house the week after he left and had to disclose a holiday with his “friend” during court proceedings because I had to cover his childcare duties. OW was a family friend and her partner at the time (also my friend) confirmed their affair early on. Point blank refused to agree to a divorce based on adultery and pushed for all his financial needs based on him being single.
OW has been “hidden” from the children until the divorce came through so I’ve not had to deal with this side until now that she has miraculously appeared. He’s since taken the children to the OW’s parents home, taken them on Summer holidays with the OW and her family.
I am fully expecting him to buy a property with the OW too. Both are high earners.
Not once has he admitted what he’s done (to this day or admitted he’s in a relationship) and been utterly horrific to me since the day he left. Like he’d been wearing a mask for 20 years and i don’t recognise him at all. He came from very (very!) modest background and me and my family have helped him get to where he is today (we even got him his job!). I lost my shine to him I suppose becoming a mum and freelance - OW is in a suited job he admires and I thinks he sees her and her family as the next rung up the social ladder.
I’ve had to swallow A LOT but have come to accept the situation, and try and be thankful for what I have although I’m in a much worse position financially etc.
The issue i’m struggling with is the children 5 & 8 who I’ve kept such a brave face on for. Not once have i bad mouthed Exh and OW to them and appeared happy to hear about their weekends away with their dad (and now the OW). I’m some ways I’m happy the children are having a good time and they don’t need to worry about sharing their experiences with me. I’m happy they are safe and looked after. I want to put their emotional needs before mine.
But my god it STINGS. I’ve just been told he’s taking them away for Christmas. It floors me every time I hear it.
Of course he’s only able to do this as he’s piggybacking onto her family’s wealth, but the fact she is the OW (and known to me) and they seem to have got everything they wanted. She admitted years ago she had a thing for him. The betrayal is off the chart.
She can have my scummy ExH (you don't know a person until you divorce them!) but I’m finding it so hard to accept their happy family weekends and holidays, like I’m being replaced or what i have to offer won’t be enough or can compete with.
How do i cope with this now and what seems like the next 10 years of coparenting?
Sorry for the long post.
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Relationships
EXH holidays/weekends with kids and OW
Cherrypie80 · 05/10/2020 11:39
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