DH and I have been together for 40 years.
I don't really know how to explain what there is between us - affection & friendship is there but there is no intimacy, either physical or emotional. We talk to each other but it's all superficial stuff - something in the news, gossip picked up from a neighbour etc. We laugh together. But we never talk about important stuff that concerns our lives.
For example, we never ever talk about money. I don't know how much DH earns, how much he's got (he was left some money by a relative, how much he was left or which bank it's in I've got no idea), I don't know how much our bills amount to (I give him half my wages each month towards household expenses), I don't have a well paid job and often run very short of money just before pay day but I could never ask him to lend me £10 for petrol etc. I think he'd judge me as failing.
We never talk about plans for the future. He's content to sit home watching football and listening to music. In my head I make plans for days out etc. but he doesn't want to do any of it. We don't make plans for holidays & aren't working towards any goals together. I see other people (colleagues, relatives etc) who talk about how they're planning something - a holiday, house renovations, a new car etc. and they have a joint goal & a plan , however haphazard, to achieve it. We have none of those things. I suspect that one day he will come home from work and tell me he's retired without every mentioning beforehand.
On the other hand when I had a long stay in hospital last year he came to see me everyday even though it meant catching 3 buses there and back. So I assume that he does care about me.
I'm unhappy and lonely and don't know how to change things.
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We are like housemates not a couple
12 replies
Hummousandfalafel · 05/10/2020 11:08
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