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Drug using exdh wants to see dc...help ?

(11 Posts)
Clovertoast Sun 04-Oct-20 11:56:48

Separated nearly 2 years ago. 3 dc. Two dd over 16 and 1 ds age 9.
Ex wants to see ds but hasn't seen all 3 dc in 10 months.
He contributes nothing and has made no effort to see them . When he was seeing them a relative was driving them to him.
Last visit was in January when he slagged me off, frightened youngest with his rantings and told him he would have to choose who to live with.
He smokes a lot of cannabis every day, lives with his mother in her home , sleeps in the lounge, has no job and mental health issues. He sees a psychiatrist for severe depression but he has severe paranoid thoughts, constantly thinks people are after him, want to kill him etc.
Older teens have blocked him on phones as he would not stop sending messages that were abusive about me. He threatened suicide in the summer to my eldest and we had to call the police.
He has now out of the blue text me 3 days in a row after no contact for 4 months asking for his ds for 3 days over Christmas. He wants him Christmas eve to boxing day.
Just him.
Ds would be terrified.
He would be devastated to be without his sisters as well.
I've been ignoring the messages but today's are him saying he is going to take me to court and report me to social services for brain washing his child against him.
I'm just ignoring them but feel it escalating. I have nothing formal in place to say they should he with me so he could technically just take ds one day . Social services have already spoken to me on the phone when the police were called and said they were happy I was doing what was right and no further involvement was needed. If he contacts them with all these allegations about brain washing what will they think ? Should I continue ignoring his texts or should I get someone involved?
What should I do ?

OP’s posts: |
JontyDoggle37 Sun 04-Oct-20 11:59:01

If you’ve already had contact with social services, I would get back in contact, share the latest messages and any police activity they’re not aware of. That way if he does take anything further they’re fully in the picture. I’d also get their opinion on approaching the police for a restraining order if he continues to harass you.

SeaToSki Sun 04-Oct-20 12:02:16

Could he take ds from school without your permission?

Poppinjay Sun 04-Oct-20 12:02:28

I would ignore and block everything unless and until you get a solicitors letter and a court date. He doesn't sound like the sort to ever get that far.

If he ever does manage it, fight for contact to be in a contact centre.

Clovertoast Sun 04-Oct-20 14:54:58

Do you think it's worth contacting social services again before he does ?
Can I ask the police to tell him to stop texting me ?

OP’s posts: |
dontbesillynow Sun 04-Oct-20 16:21:48

Get SS involved. He is damaging the kids psychologically.

Clovertoast Sun 04-Oct-20 17:21:35

How they have blocked him and have no contact?

OP’s posts: |
newnameforthis123 Sun 04-Oct-20 17:29:37

JontyDoggle37

If you’ve already had contact with social services, I would get back in contact, share the latest messages and any police activity they’re not aware of. That way if he does take anything further they’re fully in the picture. I’d also get their opinion on approaching the police for a restraining order if he continues to harass you.


Spot on.

CheshireChat Sun 04-Oct-20 17:44:33

No way should you agree to this.

Plus even if he does take you to court, the judge is going to take a dim look that he only wants to see one child, the entire Christmas period with a big gap in contact and as a drug user.

Mimilamore Mon 05-Oct-20 19:17:12

Let SS know, let school know.

Dery Mon 05-Oct-20 20:16:28

"Let SS know, let school know."

This. If there are no court orders in place, you might want to look into applying for a non-molestation order and/or perhaps a prohibited steps order to stop him just turning up at school and trying to take your DS. Talk to the school and ask what they need from you in order to feel able to refuse to allow your ex to take your son - it may be the school is comfortable acting just on your instructions but they may need the formality of a court order.

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