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What if one of your sons 'steals' your other sons gf?

(205 Posts)
MorrisZapp Sun 04-Oct-20 09:33:06

Obviously the girlfriend is a sentient being and can't be stolen but the world won't see it that way and nor will your dumped, heartbroken son.
This has happened in my wider family. The sons are in their twenties and the first son had been together with his lovely girlfriend for years.
I just don't know how to feel about it all. I'm so desperately heartbroken for my nephew, he's lost everything. But my other nephew is a kind, gentle person who I know would never deliberately hurt anyone.
God I feel for their mum. Is there any way if enough time passes they can find a way back to a normal family relationship? I'm actually relieved this Christmas will be so socially limited now as I just don't see how we could accommodate this bewildering new normal. Has this happened in anyone else's family?

OP’s posts: |
justanotherneighinparadise Sun 04-Oct-20 09:38:53

I have no idea what you do as it’s incredibly hard not to be judgemental. I do think there’s a chance the brothers will sort it out in time if left alone. Probably my best advice would be to keep out of it completely and have no opinion either way.

CodenameVillanelle Sun 04-Oct-20 09:38:59

Ummm no, that's unforgivable actually
The nephew who 'stole' the girlfriend is an arsehole.

Cheesecake53 Sun 04-Oct-20 09:41:14

I think the girl who dumped her boyfriend for his brother is more of a ....not so nice person.

hexmeginny Sun 04-Oct-20 09:43:05

Seems very cruel and heartless on both sides. You can't help feelings, but this just isn't on.
I hope your Nephew can move on from this...

PaterPower Sun 04-Oct-20 09:45:17

Grim. And you would be fairly safe to assume that the “nice” nephew had been sleeping with the brother’s GF pre-split.

Neither he, nor the GF, are “nice” people. Sorry.

pilates Sun 04-Oct-20 09:45:20

Stealing isn’t an appropriate word to use.
She left one brother for the other of her own accord. I wouldn’t get involved as it’s none of your business. Just be pleasant to all parties concerned as they are still your nephews and need supporting. Awful for the direct family concerned though.

Aquamarine1029 Sun 04-Oct-20 09:46:26

Sadly, the brothers' relationship may very well be permanently ruined. What an absolute shit thing to do to your sibling. My mum knew 2 sisters in school and this happened with them. 50 years later and they still have never spoken again.

Nymeriastark1 Sun 04-Oct-20 09:47:49

Your other nephew isn't kind or gentle he's an ass hole confused. And the girlfriend isn't a lovely girlfriend she's a sneaky cow hmm. Just support their mum and stay out of it. I doubt it will last. Relationships that start in a mess like this normally don't.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sun 04-Oct-20 09:50:55

This is grim. I have 3 dses close in age and something like this has crossed my mind. Ours don’t spend that much time together so wouldn’t really have a chance to happen, but families who spend a lot of time together and in and out if each other’s houses all the time, then I guess there’s the possibility.

AvoidingRealHumans Sun 04-Oct-20 09:53:05

This happened in my stepdads family , one brother ran off with another brothers wife, it didn't even last.
Over 30 years later they still can't be in the same room as each other. They have lost their mother and a sibling since then and couldn't even be at the funeral at the same time so had to do shifts.
Its a really shitty thing to do and causes implications for the whole family.
Your nephews mother is in such an awkward position now

Pelleas Sun 04-Oct-20 09:54:08

pilates

Stealing isn’t an appropriate word to use.
She left one brother for the other of her own accord. I wouldn’t get involved as it’s none of your business. Just be pleasant to all parties concerned as they are still your nephews and need supporting. Awful for the direct family concerned though.

This.

People are allowed to end relationships that aren't working for them, however nice their partner might be.

Why should she not go out with her ex's brother? The ex has no right to control who his brother or his ex go out with.

Clearly the situation is awkward for the family, but it's something they'll just have to put up with if the relationship lasts.

mallorytower Sun 04-Oct-20 09:54:58

How awful

TheStoic Sun 04-Oct-20 09:59:06

He formed a relationship with his own brother’s girlfriend?

Yeah, that’s unforgivable.

At least for now. I’d bet that the new relationship won’t last long, so maybe there’s hope for the brothers’ relationship in the future.

FlapsInTheWind Sun 04-Oct-20 09:59:22

PaterPower

Grim. And you would be fairly safe to assume that the “nice” nephew had been sleeping with the brother’s GF pre-split.

Neither he, nor the GF, are “nice” people. Sorry.

Why? Why would it be safe to assume this? Fucks sake!

GilbertMarkham Sun 04-Oct-20 10:01:33

Why should she not go out with her ex's brother? The ex has no right to control who his brother or his ex go out with

grin

Right.

I know of a couple who did this. It was mostly not known about by the original brother because he was away at uni but it didn't last anyway.

The second brother told he ended it because of his elder brother but dud t seem to appreciate that he shouldn't have started it in the first place due to his elder brother.

A guy who knew them/knew about it described it to me years later as "totally off" and it was/is.

There is something off/not quite right in the people (doing and the "partner") who do it. Ive met them both (you get brother and girlfriend, who was a school mate) in the years since and I found something off/a bit nutty in both of them.

MandosHatHair Sun 04-Oct-20 10:02:15

Oh yuck, I could never sleep with somebody who had slept with one of my sisters, of all the potential partners in the world, why your siblings ex?

I feel for the mum as well, if this happened with my sons I wouldn't be welcoming the girl back into my home.

GilbertMarkham Sun 04-Oct-20 10:03:13

It's even worse if it:s a steady, fairly long-term relationship as in this case.

GilbertMarkham Sun 04-Oct-20 10:04:53

And worse again if there's no significant break between the relationships.

wistfulchameleon Sun 04-Oct-20 10:05:58

A similar thing happened in my family many years ago. I'm the 3rd of four girls.
My eldest sister was married to an asshole. Sister no. 2 had sex with him whilst his wife was drunk and asleep on the sofa next door.
20 years later my family is still totally fractured and they haven't spoken in all this time. In fact, DS1 despises DS2 so any family get together is impossible.
My poor mum is in her 70s now and has lost my dad 15 years ago. She hasn't had all 4 of her children in the same room since his funeral, and it kicked off there too.
I think your nephew is a twat for doing what he's done. The family may never recover from this, but there's nothing anyone can do. What's done is done.

Pelleas Sun 04-Oct-20 10:06:34

There is something off/not quite right in the people (doing and the "partner") who do it. Ive met them both (you get brother and girlfriend, who was a school mate) in the years since and I found something off/a bit nutty in both of them.

Your personal experience doesn't mean everyone who does this is 'off'. I know someone who did this and eventually married the brother - a perfectly nice, normal woman who had her own good reasons for what she did.

AgentProvocateur Sun 04-Oct-20 10:09:27

Some things are unforgivable. This and what Ed Milliband did to his brother, for example.

Florencex Sun 04-Oct-20 10:11:56

The second nephew is not kind and the girlfriend is not lovely. They are two revolting people with no morality. There is a very good chance that the two brothers will never mend their relationship, if they do probably not for a long time.

Nikori Sun 04-Oct-20 10:16:30

It's a huge no-no to sleep with a close relative's Ex.

There was a woman doing the rounds on various talk shows a few years back who slept with/dated three brothers.

Ohdoleavemealone Sun 04-Oct-20 10:17:49

Why should she not go out with her ex's brother? The ex has no right to control who his brother or his ex go out with

I read the OP that she left one brother for the other. Not that she split with one and some time later got with the other. It would be awkward but not quite as literally swapping one out!

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