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Please someone talk some sense into me

(15 Posts)
razey Sat 03-Oct-20 19:11:19

Why can't I stop checking the guy who broke up with me me instagram account and feel terrible that he ended it as he met someone else
I am ruining my time thinking about it and wanting to talk about it
He wasn't really amazing to me anyway
I just can't seem to stop thinking about it and feeling I have lost out on a really good man
I am driving myself mad and keep crying

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Windmillwhirl Sat 03-Oct-20 19:18:12

You are feeling down because he chose someone else. Be glad he did because he did not treat you very well and life with him would not have been positive would it?

I think you need to work on your self esteem. It has to be low if you pine after someone that treated you badly.

Let him live his life and stop looking at his. It's holding you back from moving forward with yours.

cheapskatemum Sat 03-Oct-20 19:21:41

Write down all the ways he wasn’t amazing to you and refer to this list every time you find yourself tempted to look at hi Instagram and every time your mind wanders in his direction. Engross yourself in something productive meanwhile.

razey Sat 03-Oct-20 19:23:16

Thank you both so much it really helps !

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whynotwhen Sat 03-Oct-20 19:34:28

If you block his account (do it, do it now) it also blocks his pics from you. So you can't look at them. Honestly that was the only way I could stop! It's addictive angry. And scrolling through my WhatsApp contacts to see if he changed his profile pic... felt like an obsession. I deleted his number so that it was no longer on my contact list.
I feel for you <hug>

Princessposie Sat 03-Oct-20 19:39:17

We all do it, until we move on. Be gentle with yourself OP.

razey Sat 03-Oct-20 19:44:26

Thank you the kindness of strangers is making me tear up a little

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Imissmoominmama Sat 03-Oct-20 19:49:22

A really good man would see your value. He’s left the path clear for your real, really good man. You’ll not notice him, when you happen across him, if you’re still thinking about the not quite so good man!

Needingsomeadvice2020 Sat 03-Oct-20 20:08:45

You need to block him OP, it will make it so much easier. It will become out of sight and out of mind. Take it as a blessing he moved on if he wasn’t that great to you.

razey Wed 07-Oct-20 11:02:00

Thank you
I have popped back to make myself see reason and write the list of why I shouldn't like him

He wasn't a kind man to his ex partner
He told me about visiting prostitutes, various affairs, running up debts with her
I know he told me a few lies at the beginning including not telling me he had kids
Didn't make much effort after the beginning
Clearly was having two of us on the go at the same time
Has a conviction that would make association difficult for me work wise
Isn't particularly ambitious and doesn't seem bothered to make plans for his own future
Took himself on holiday rather than his children

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PamDemic Wed 07-Oct-20 12:21:36

you're missing the person you thought he was, not the real him.

Concentrate on what you know to be true -there will be facts - write them down if you need, and then remember that is the person you have lost. The one you are mourning is the one you wanted him to be.

Be kind to yourself. If you can stop looking, it will help you move on quicker.

cheesecrack Wed 07-Oct-20 12:36:24

Yes to missing the person you thought he was.

In the initial part of relationships people send their 'best representative' so they're funny, kind and clever.

Nobody can keep this up but it's so bloody addictive to think back to the initial stages and how much fun you had etc.

One day at a time. Oh also I'd recommend the book 'they call it a break up because it's broken'. Very funny and readable. smile

razey Wed 07-Oct-20 13:38:17

Thank you
You are all so lovely and wise

@cheesecrack that is a great book I read it the last time I did this, think it's time for a revisit

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Babaoreally Wed 07-Oct-20 14:34:11

It's just a window pane into your own pain - and you need to stop window pain shopping! It won't help you and just give yourself space and time to realise that it's no great loss really. I think such things trigger our fears of rejection and unworthiness as much as genuine loss. But it still hurts.
What you can do? Reconnect with others - have a cup of tea - have a nice drink with friends - and wait for this to pass. It will - good luck.

razey Mon 12-Oct-20 20:00:55

Thank you all again so much
I am feeling better
I pop back on this post and read all your wisdom if I start slipping but wanted to come and say how much each and everyone of you helped me

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