Am I just a lazy girlfriend or is he unreasonable?

(242 Posts)
DontBendYourAccrylicNail Thu 01-Oct-20 20:14:02

I'm actually not sure whether I'm just a lazy sod or if the problem lies with DP.

He's obsessed with things being clean. I WFH and each day I straighten the living room up (make the sofas, throws, pillows) and hoover up. I tidy the kitchen, put a wash on and put one out on the line or on the radiators. Tuesday I did a deep clean of the kitchen and ironed for two hours, I wiped all the windowsills down and did the skirting boards but it's still not good enough. I wasn't home yesterday till 10pm and was at work again today (in the office). I made a roast dinner and the floor ended up with a few drops of steamed water.

I can only buy a certain type of kitchen roll. He constantly wants a "deep clean" and I'm just fed up. I was thinking the other day how nice it would be to just not worry about tidying up before he gets home sad

He's just said "I don't tidy up a lot" and it's actually upset me, I feel so unappreciated and he's completely missing my points.

OP’s posts: |
ComicePear Thu 01-Oct-20 20:16:16

How much cleaning and tidying does he do? Or does he prefer just moaning about your efforts? He sounds like a pain in the arse.

Smallsteps88 Thu 01-Oct-20 20:16:38

Urgh! Life’s too short to live like this. Bin him off. He won’t change.

Teaandbisuits99 Thu 01-Oct-20 20:17:01

Why can’t he clean?
He’s being an arse

Audreyseyebrows Thu 01-Oct-20 20:18:30

Is there a reason he can’t do it?

TiggerDatter Thu 01-Oct-20 20:18:39

If he wants a deep clean he can do one. (What is a deep clean?)

Are you sure you’re compatible?

Dollyrocket Thu 01-Oct-20 20:18:53

Is he doing 50/50 of the cleaning and tidying?


DontBendYourAccrylicNail Thu 01-Oct-20 20:19:23

He does the pots each day (I'm not allowed to, I leave smudges apparently) and he will hoover, clean the coffee table, wipe the sides down. It actually irritates him so he does his fair share.

It's just so over the top, there's only two of us and we both clean each day but it's not enough. It's getting too much.

I'm finding myself going to lay on the bed rather than sit on the sofa because I can't be arsed with making the throws each time I sit down. Im trying to do one pot dishes when I cook so I don't make mess.

I just want to relax in my own home.

OP’s posts: |
justthecat Thu 01-Oct-20 20:20:26

Exactly what does he do ?
Ask him to show you physically how he would expect it- he won’t
Then kick him out

ulanbatorismynextstop Thu 01-Oct-20 20:21:22

FUCK THAT SHIT, run for the hills, I had one like that, he made my life a misery. Single and finally have my sanity back.

DontBendYourAccrylicNail Thu 01-Oct-20 20:21:52

I do the washing, ironing, day to day "tidying", making the bed, changing the bed, wiping the kitchen down etc.

He will wash the pots and he does hoover, straighten up etc but usually I've done it in the day.

He's just cleaned the whole kitchen for 2 hours because it's "a shit hole" I only cleaned up proper Tuesday! I wasn't even home yesterday!!

OP’s posts: |
Knittedfairies Thu 01-Oct-20 20:22:22

If he's obsessed with deep cleaning, he should do it. Stop trying so hard; if cooking a roast dinner gets drops of water on the floor and causes him a problem, I'd be giving him a sandwich instead.

Mum2jenny Thu 01-Oct-20 20:23:04

I’d be considering getting rid of him. You both live there. If he’s not happy about the cleaning standards, he can get off his arse and do it the way HE wants. Or stfu!!

user15412486546 Thu 01-Oct-20 20:23:27

He will break you.

missrks Thu 01-Oct-20 20:23:27

Lived with one, never got any better. Constantly felt on edge. Left. Best decision ever

DontBendYourAccrylicNail Thu 01-Oct-20 20:23:34

He stomps around the place huffing and puffing (like tonight) so I'm genuinely wondering whether I'm a lazy mare!

OP’s posts: |
Knittedfairies Thu 01-Oct-20 20:24:14

Cross post; blow that for a game of soldiers. Run away.

Babynumber2dueNov Thu 01-Oct-20 20:24:54

Has your partner got OCD OP? This sounds like my DH when our relay first started. It kept spiralling for years until our first daughter was 1, at which point he had a breakdown and finally tried meds which changed our lives. He was literally exactly like that, I wasn’t allowed to do as much as you as I ‘didn’t do it right’ but it was relentless and actually wasn’t any better than anyone else’s houses! It’s very very draining. You need to discuss exactly what’s going on and how it’s makes you feel. It’s hard but if it continues the standards go up and up and it’ll all escalate x

Asterion Thu 01-Oct-20 20:25:28

I'm feeling stressed just reading this thread. I couldn't live like that.

And what is he going to be like if you have children!!!

rumred Thu 01-Oct-20 20:25:39

You're not lazy. Life is way too short for this shit. Get rid of him and enjoy every moment of the day

Coldbatteredpuddings Thu 01-Oct-20 20:26:28

You are not lazy. That sounds too much for anyone - who cares if the pots are smudged or the throw's not straight on the sofa. That sounds exhausting and quite boring to be honest. There is more to life.
It's definitely not you.

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 01-Oct-20 20:27:03

What do you get out of this relationship now?

No you are not a lazy mare at all but your choice of man here is well off. Why are you at all with him?. Do you think that this is all you are worth or deserve?.

mbosnz Thu 01-Oct-20 20:27:19

No, you're not a lazy mare, and he's not at all reasonable/realistic in his expectations.

Mucky1 Thu 01-Oct-20 20:27:36

Stop doing everything for 1 week so he can see exactly what it is you do.

unmarkedbythat Thu 01-Oct-20 20:28:26

That sounds really hard to live with. I couldn't meet those standards and feeling like I had to try to would be awful. Does his need for that level of clean/tidy stress him out as well as you?

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