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I tried to discuss vasectomies with my husband This is how it went

(428 Posts)
enjoyeverymoment Thu 01-Oct-20 13:21:52

Myself and my husband have 3 small dc. We know our family is complete so naturally the topic of contraception has come up.
We went to the gp together and my gp basically was dismissive of vasectomys and suggested the coil for me. From what I read it can cause heavy periods so I decided I didn't want the risk as I already suffer and the pill used to make me very hormonal years ago.

My husband is very against having a vasectomy because he is afraid of any side effects and is now saying because the gp was dismissive she obviously doesn't recommend it either. I've recently learned of a new no scalpel procedure and discussed it with him but again he shot me down and wouldn't discuss it further. I wasn't asking him to book an appointment but read up about it, talk to his friends ect just consider it.

I've explained to him that I went through a lot multiple miscarriages prior to having dc, procedures to find out the reason I was miscarrying, bad birth on ds 1 and two sections on dds and I never gave the effects on my body a second though as it was worth it. His reply was well you wanted three I would have settled at two. We agreed three and not once did he suggested had doubts after dd2. His only condition was number 3 was conceived before we turn 40. He is a great dad to all 3 children and I've no doubt he loves them but he always maintains how I wanted 3 not him.

The thing I have an issue with though is if I fell pregnant again he would be hinting I'd have an abortion. He wouldn't make me but I would hear all the negative things another baby would do to us.

I hear women all the time saying how their husband went and had a vasectomy so they wouldn't worry anymore about falling pregnant and so they wouldn't be pumping their bodies with hormones ect. My husband would gladly sit back and say nothing if I announced tomorrow I was having my tubes tied without discussing the risk then reap in the reward. That's how I feel anyway.

At the moment we're using condoms but it's not good. The simple solution is to stop having sex but where does that leave our marriage.

OP’s posts: |
S00LA Mon 05-Oct-20 09:46:08

She is choosing to NOT use HER BODY for sex with a man who dont give a shit about what HER body has been through. Again, he is NOT OWED SEX

Exactly. So many men ( and some women obv) believe that being in a Het relationship means that the woman owes the man sex. And if she doesn’t do what he wants with her own body, she is “punishing him” and “withholding “ and “ controlling “ and even “ abusive “.

It sounds less about mutual pleasure and more about him controlling and using his property.

It used to be legal for men to rape their wives. Now it’s illegal to use physical force, some dudes now think it’s Ok to use other means to coerce their wives / partners / girlfriends and sometimes even friends into having sex with them. Or perhaps more accurately - providing an orifice they can wank into.

How very sad that so many women buy into this misogyny.

And as for the men using female names on MN to espouse these views - don't think you are fooling anyone - we see you.

weedoogie Mon 05-Oct-20 10:31:08

I had a vasectomy; this was my experience of it:
A. Totally painless; I'm a complete wimp, but it really was completely painless, both during the procedure and afterwards
B. Had no effect on my libido; I'm exactly as horny as I was before
C. Had no effect on any sensitivity; sex is exactly as much fun as it was before
D. It has had no noticeable effect on my semen; my ejaculate looks the same, there's exactly as much as there was before, it's the same consistency, same colour and apparently tastes the same
E. There are two very small scars on my scrotum; they're not painful at all
F. I had to shave for the op. I did it myself, so no embarrassing process of a nurse shaving me.
G. Discovered that I really like having shaved balls! Never tried any topiary before...
H. Discovered that my partner likes shaved balls......

In short, there is nothing to be scared of.... the whole process was simple, not embarrassing or painful and has left me and my partner with easy, interruption-free, anxiety-free sex.

Lazypuppy Mon 05-Oct-20 10:46:21

I wouldn't be having sex with him. Sinple as.

I'm likely to have this issue qith my DP who seems very nervous about the big V, but i've made my position clear already, we want one more child and after that i expect him to have a vasectomy. If he doesn't that's his choice, but we won't be havibg sex. I am not risking getting pregnant for a 3rd time

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