I'm in a bit of a quandary with a man - an xbf, who could be a current bf. Could do with talking it through with people who don't know either of us.
My background is I'm in my 60s, widowed and have had other very close family deaths. A bit vulnerable really.
We met in November last year online. Got closer and met in February. Then his work and health got in the way of us meeting again and the lockdown. We're about three hours journey apart.
We bonded very deeply over our various family grief - he's has shit happen too - and we supported each other over the phone. We also see the country's politics from a similar perspective. Hate Johnson, hate brexit, see the country sinking deeper into fascism.
We got very close, fantastic phone sex, and talking for hours every day.
But as I've got to know him better, some aspects of his beliefs really bother me. He debates quite happily with me, is happy to be challenged but his first instinct with wrong doers is to, in a military way, want to kill them. Accepts that my logic of preferring not to live in a society that condones vigilantes is right, but it's his gut reaction. A big believer in the death penalty. Doesn't challenge homophobes and racists - calls it banter. He is only aware of Southern African politics from a white perspective and doesn't want to broaden his outlook. I grew up boycotting SA goods and being a member of Anti Apartheid. . We've broken up a couple of times already over this.
At the moment we are not together. Still speaking on the phone. I like him. But every time we get back together it all goes well, then something will crop up that makes me realise thee is a side of him that conflicts with my values.
So, hints on making relationships work when there are value differences? It's not right to be in a relationship where one partner is living in hope that the other will change. Or tell me to cut my losses?
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Relationships
Don't know what I really want to do
18 replies
AnotherVersionOfMe · 29/09/2020 21:15
OP posts:
SerafinaPekkala ·
30/09/2020 15:49
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