AIBU/paranoid/insecure?

[Stantons]

OH has a female friend, says hes known her since he was little but she has only recently made an appearance that I am aware of and I'm not sure I'm comfortable with it. On asking him about her they had something happen once years ago but hes been vague on details of what, he has said that in the past he has wondered if he should be with her.

This alone would be enough to make me wary but there have been at least two occasions during lockdown where she has text him to see if he wants to go for a drink and he has just gone, even though he is supposed to be working from home. Today I was supposed to take him to the garage to collect his car but she has taken him instead.

He says she is married and invited me to meet her and her husband but given the things I've read on here and known a friend who had an affair do that doesn't mean much. I'm too embarrassed to talk to anyone irl about it so tell me, am I crazy?

[Sunnydaysstillhere]

Agree to a meet up as a foursome. Likely their body language will speak for itself...

[Stantons]

Forgot to say before lock down OH and I went to the pub and she was sat the other side on her own OH went over and asked her to come sit with us but she wouldn't

[Sunnydaysstillhere]

Because meeting you would make it real he does have a dw....
And they aren't behaving appropriately..
Seems possible he is in the verge of an affair at best...
At worst he has already cheated.

[SecondStageIgnition]

He might have been calling your bluff when he invited you to meet this person and her husband. Do you think that's likely?

Inviting you to mee them is a win-win situation for him: if you'd agreed to meet them, the impression could be given that they're just 'friends' and thereafter he is justified in seeing his 'friend'. If you had decided against meeting them, he's free to carry on being 'friends' with her, and you cannot complain because you'd been given the chance to make 'friends' with her too.

He sounds like he's being an arsehole and I would demand that he stops this 'friendship' straight away.

[SecondStageIgnition]

Also, why is some random newly popped up 'friend' taking him to the garage? Doesn't that sound odd to you?!

[MsDogLady]

I would be uncomfortable with this. OH and this woman have a romantic/sexual history and he has wondered if they should be together. At the pub she blanked meeting you, and has since invited him twice for 1:1 drinks, which he left work early to do. Now he has changed your plans and she has replaced you to run this errand with him.

Boundaries are being crossed here and he is taking you for a fool. You don’t have to tolerate his blatant disrespect.

[MikeUniformMike]

she has only recently made an appearance
She is probably newly single.

I'm not sure I'm comfortable with it.
Trust your gut feeling.

On asking him about her they had something happen once years ago but hes been vague on details of what, he has said that in the past he has wondered if he should be with her.
He's carrying a torch for her.

at least two occasions during lockdown where she has text him to see if he wants to go for a drink and he has just gone
He's having an emotional affair.

supposed to take him to the garage to collect his car but she has taken him instead.
Any chance to spend time together.

she is married and invited me to meet her and her husband
She is probably separated and he is calling your bluff.,

I'm too embarrassed to talk to anyone irl about it so tell me, am I crazy?
Talk to your OH and tell him to give his head a wobble.
The usual MN advice of get your ducks in a row etc.

Sorry.
Speak to a family member or friend who is not a mutual friend of yours and OH's.

[LilyLongJohn]

I'd say yes to the meet up. At least you'll be able to assess the situation a little better.

However that may also give him more of a reason to see her. Hidden in plain sight.

[Sakurami]

I'm not jealous but I wouldn't be happy with this at all!!