Get through divorce

[sophmum31]

Hi everyone!

Just looking for a bit of support and tips for how you get through the period of divorce when nothing is really happening and life is pretty horrible.

I’ve filed the divorce papers and just waiting to exchange form Es at the moment so we can sort out financial settlements.

My STBEx has kind of partially moved out (pretty much comes and goes as he pleases) but every single time he comes he literally cannot stop himself from ranting on about how he’s paid for everything (He is currently compiling a spreadsheet of every item he has paid for during our 18 years together), how I’m going to take everything, how I am or will stop him seeing his children, how he hates money grabbers like me, how he will spend every penny he has taking me to court if I get a penny he doesn’t think I’m due, how I’ve got to move out and leave the kids with him, it goes on and on.

Spends a lot of time berating me about how I won’t discuss it (I’m trying to go grey rock). How he wants me to do a proposal of how much I think he should give me (that is not a discussion I am having with him).

I work full time from home and on the days he is here it is literally impossible to concentrate.

Anyway, it’s bloody miserable. Things take so long and it doesn’t feel like we are getting any further forward. I’m finding it really frustrating and dreaming of the day I can shut a front door he can’t walk through. Any tips for getting through it?

[discoveryspoon]

Sorry about this. Sadly, it's divorce for you. You will now see the worst side of each other and the bitterness may continue for years (I speak from experience !).

Good luck and stick to your guns.

[pog100]

At least it reconfirms each time that the decision to divorce is the right one! I imagine you already have, but once you've made it clear that all discussion of assets and childcare will be discussed via solicitors, grey rock is all you can do.

[TheWindowDonkey]

No tips, but at the beginning this process too and still cohabiting and I can see A mean side to stbxh that I never knew existed and its draining how roller coastery it all is. Hang in there op, we will get through this.

[Justmuddlingalong]

Remember being in labour? When it felt never ending?
And then the hard bit was over and the relief and joy was amazing and you forgot about the huffing and puffing/vomiting/farting/shitting/pain etc. This is the labour of divorce and when it ends you will feel euphoric.

[sophmum31]

@Justmuddlingalong that’s a perfect way of looking at it! Thank you.

@TheWindowDonkey we absolutely can. It’s such a rollercoaster, but imagine how free we will feel

[Billibob84]

I filled for divorce 12 months ago and just recently everything has been finalised and I've got my absolute. Its been a long shit year (we lived together through most of it) but ive done it and you will too. You will think it will never end but it will. Keep yourself busy, plan your new home or re decorating, speak to family/friends as much as possible, just keep going. You will get there and feel so much better in the long run. xx