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New partner- single parent

(11 Posts)
SophieG1986 Sun 27-Sep-20 18:10:11

Hi... looking for some advice. I am a single parent of a 4.5year old. He’s with me full time and has never seen his dad since he was 4 months... (he left, didn’t want to be a dad) I’ve been on my own and dated two people in the 4.5yrs just the odd couple of dates but have now meet someone 5 weeks ago and seeing him twice a week when I get child cover. It’s going great and I’ve never been happier or more comfortable around someone, which has taken a lot as my separation was hard/abusive but he’s been very respectful of everything. He’s also got a child the same age who he has 50/50 access too. How long do you wait for them to meet? My thoughts are play date like I would with a dad from nursery and there child?

OP’s posts: |
Fidgety31 Sun 27-Sep-20 18:14:38

At five weeks he isn’t a partner .
I would dream of introducing my child to someone yet - you need to get to know the guy much better before you let him Into your child life .
He could come round in the evenings when your kid is in bed

SophieG1986 Sun 27-Sep-20 18:17:51

Sorry should have made that clearing I’m not suggesting now.... was a general question. My childcare is good enough I can see him twice a week with my son away.

OP’s posts: |
DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult Sun 27-Sep-20 18:19:36

5 weeks in is nothing, it's still all new and you're both still trying to impress each other and on your best behaviour.

I would be waiting until I see how he deals with stress and arguments before I thought of introducing him to anyone. So probably around the 8-12 month mark.

BewilderedDoughnut Sun 27-Sep-20 18:29:20

6 months MINIMUM but more like a year.

Also don't tell new guy about previous abuse/weaknesses etc. Abusers use information like this to their advantage. You don't know him yet.

SophieG1986 Sun 27-Sep-20 18:34:26

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

5 weeks in is nothing, it's still all new and you're both still trying to impress each other and on your best behaviour.

I would be waiting until I see how he deals with stress and arguments before I thought of introducing him to anyone. So probably around the 8-12 month mark.

I’ve put a bit underneath I’m not suggestion now which I think is unclear.... I was look for more an idea as to when others have done it.... that’s all.

OP’s posts: |
Graphista Sun 27-Sep-20 18:38:15

I say minimum 6 months before you even consider introducing the kids.

No need before that point as you say yourself you're able to meet without the dc.

Have you had therapy since the abusive relationship? Both for closure and so you know what to look out for?

SophieG1986 Sun 27-Sep-20 18:41:03

Graphista

I say minimum 6 months before you even consider introducing the kids.

No need before that point as you say yourself you're able to meet without the dc.

Have you had therapy since the abusive relationship? Both for closure and so you know what to look out for?

Yes I suffered sexual abuse as a child so I have done four rounds of therapy, a round following that separation. Also a reason I’ve stayed single as I wanted to be in a good place and back to myself and strong before thinking about another person in my life.

OP’s posts: |
Graphista Sun 27-Sep-20 19:54:17

Excellent.

And very happy to hear you're doing much better, well done you for all the work you've put in that's not easy.

Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd Sun 27-Sep-20 19:59:57

FFS, someone you've been dating for five weeks is not a partner. You barely know this guy. It's supposed to be going great this far in. No, no meeting up for 6 months to a year.

litterbird Mon 28-Sep-20 10:22:45

Its an important question to ask. As you probably know from therapy you are more vulnerable to choose another abusive relationship if you have already been in one so good advice from others to never disclose your previous abuse history and abusers will use this against you. Play dates are a fun way to get to know the children, how they play together and how your new friend reacts around them. I would suggest too a minimum of 6 months but better to be a year. Blended families are notoriously difficult to work with so the longer you have to get to know the new man the better. Please be aware you have rose tinted glasses on at the moment so make sure your BS meter is set to high and watch and listen carefully to what the new friend says. Don't be pushed into earlier meet ups with the children if he starts insisting...thats a red flag right there.

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