I really hope I don't get moaned at for posting this here and not the sex topic but I've not been a member long enough.
My husband and I have been together since we were late teens, only ever slept together. Kissed other people but lost our virginities together. Even that took almost a year as he'd lose his erection right before sex. I put it down to performance anxiety at the time but given how things are now I'm not so sure that was it. We have 2 children aged 6 and 12.
The last few years our sex life has taken a massive hit. We had sex 7 times last year, this year it's 3 so far. It was never all the time but we would usually average twice a month minimum.
It's mostly my husband and it's extended beyond the bedroom and it's very quickly eroding my self esteem and confidence.
He won't hold my hand in public; won't kiss me outside the bedroom; never tells me I look nice.
When we go to bed he will happily look at his phone for hours but if I even as much reach out to hold his hand he flinches or pushes me away and tells me to stop pestering him.
I tried to talk to him about the state of things last year, he just said he doesn't want sex that much. I asked him if he wanted to do anything new or different to spice it up but he said no. When we do have sex it's very much the same each time. He will just roll over in bed, kiss me, quickly go down on me then missionary position. After sex he will rush and brush his teeth then have a shower. This makes me feel so dirty; I know I'm not as I shower twice a day and am hair free.
I caught him wanking in the shower the other day. I had a chat and he said he needed a release but if that's the case why doesn't he want me?! I don't have an issue with the wanking as I know people do, I'd understand it more though if I was refusing sex but I'm not, very much the opposite, I'd love and want a decent session.
He got really cross I bought a bullet vibrator but I have wants (needs?!) he's not satisfying and didn't see anything wrong with it.
It's got to the point I've cried myself to sleep at night feeling disgusting, undesirable and unloved. I feel no man would find me attractive now or want to have sex with me. There must be something wrong for my husband to refuse me like this.
Is there anything I can do to fix this or is it beyond the point of that?
Thanks
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Relationships
Feeling unloved and undesirable
13 replies
NNN20 · 27/09/2020 01:36
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