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Boyfriend asked me to leave early for refusing sex

(565 Posts)
Aurelia278 Sun 27-Sep-20 00:22:14

I took my boyfriend out for his birthday. We spent a day in London all paid for by me (shopping, drinks, fancy steak restaurant) After a few drinks the conversation arose about our sex life and how he wants to spice things up and would like me to initiate sex more, dress up etc. I told him I was open to suggestions. He suggested we start that night and feeling a little tipsy ended up in the late night pharmacy buying condoms.
The whole journey home he was being super affectionate, complimentary which is very out of the ordinary for him. Hes usually a very hands off guy.
By the time i got home I was shattered and uncomfortably full after a 3 course meal and told him that I was simply just not feeling up to it right now.
He went into a giant huff saying that I had ruined the evening and his birthday, it could have been so nice, what was the point of buying condoms etc etc and he even went as far as to suggesting that maybe i should leave his place early in the morning as there was no point me hanging around.
I appreciate he may have been disappointed but after having spent the best part of £300 on a day out for him to be spoken to like that has left me feeling really hurt.
Was I in the wrong for changing my mind? Should I have just got over it and made an effort for his sake?

OP’s posts: |
TheSmallAssassin Sun 27-Sep-20 00:25:29

You deserve better, love.

Glitterandunicorns Sun 27-Sep-20 00:26:18

Of course you weren't in the wrong for changing your mind. No-one in their right mind would suggest that you were.
For me, that would be a red flag and I'd not be seeing him again. I'm sorry you spent a lot of money on someone who is clearly a twat.

Teensandfuture Sun 27-Sep-20 00:27:07

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Frappuccinofan Sun 27-Sep-20 00:27:28

Play him at his own game and tell him he owes you a £300 refund for ruining the evening

FlorenceNightshade Sun 27-Sep-20 00:28:02

That should be the last birthday you spend with him. Next year I hope you and your new (not an areshole) DP raise a glass to this sad excuse for a man.

FlorenceNightshade Sun 27-Sep-20 00:28:46

@Teensandfuture you’re not serious!!!???

MinesAPintOfTea Sun 27-Sep-20 00:29:53

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Fallowdeerhunter Sun 27-Sep-20 00:30:00

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AdoptedBumpkin Sun 27-Sep-20 00:30:02

He sounds very ungrateful to me.

PinkJellycat Sun 27-Sep-20 00:32:18

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stuckinadeeprut Sun 27-Sep-20 00:32:48

Teensandfuture You've got to be fucking kidding. Sex is NEVER, NEVER, NEVER 'non negotiable' ffs

AdoraBell Sun 27-Sep-20 00:32:49

Huge red flag. Has he reacted like this before when you don’t want sex?

JamieLeeCurtains Sun 27-Sep-20 00:33:08

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Liddell Sun 27-Sep-20 00:34:24

Bin him, you can do better than him.

HeddaGarbled Sun 27-Sep-20 00:35:33

What is it with men wanting women to “dress up” for sex?

He sounds a bit of a rubbish boyfriend if he’s only nice to you when he thinks you’re going to role play a trussed up sex doll for his gratification.

Teensandfuture Sun 27-Sep-20 00:36:18

I know I want to have sex on my birthday, it's part of the overall birthday treat.
I'd be pretty upset if my OH didn't think of pleasuring me in that way on my birthday and would reconsider the relationship myself.

Notyoungbutscrappyandhungry Sun 27-Sep-20 00:36:31

Jesus! No kind of sex is non negotiable. I mean, fuck, what kind of manipulation have you been through @Teensandfuture! Are you okay?

KooKooKachu Sun 27-Sep-20 00:36:49

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KooKooKachu Sun 27-Sep-20 00:37:41

Teensandfuture

I know I want to have sex on my birthday, it's part of the overall birthday treat.
I'd be pretty upset if my OH didn't think of pleasuring me in that way on my birthday and would reconsider the relationship myself.

This is not OK.

Aurelia278 Sun 27-Sep-20 00:38:12

AdoraBell

Huge red flag. Has he reacted like this before when you don’t want sex?

Once or twice but not to this extent. There have been a few times where he has tried to convince me into it "Why dont we just try, you might really like it and then if you dont like it we can stop" and then turns away in bed if I refuse

OP’s posts: |
AdoraBell Sun 27-Sep-20 00:38:49

That is what you want Teensandfuture it doesn’t apply to every other adult.

DressingGownofDoom Sun 27-Sep-20 00:38:59

He sounds really horrible. How long have you been together?

AdoraBell Sun 27-Sep-20 00:40:28

He’s trying to coerce you into sex OP. Get rid of him, he has no respect for you.

FenellaVelour Sun 27-Sep-20 00:43:04

Teensandfuture

I know I want to have sex on my birthday, it's part of the overall birthday treat.
I'd be pretty upset if my OH didn't think of pleasuring me in that way on my birthday and would reconsider the relationship myself.

Jesus Christ.
You don’t deserve a relationship.

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