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Can't leave because of children, please help

(6 Posts)
Bobbelle Fri 25-Sep-20 22:42:05

Hi, I was wondering if anyone knew what would happen with custody if I left my controlling, verbally abusive partner?

We have 1 child and another on the way any day. He is very controlling of me and shouts and swears and calls me names most days and blames this on me. This happens often in front of our child.
I have documented many of these situations for the past year and known need to leave. The problem is I have no family here and would need to take the children around 5/6 hours away to stay near family for support.
I haven't left yet as I am so scared he would have access to the children and I don't trust him alone with them and can't bear the thought of being away from them for anytime at all

Whet do I do? I have been thinking about going to the police or a lawyer and asking them to read my diary entries and advise in what would happen with the children before I make a decision as I am so scared

OP’s posts: |
june2007 Fri 25-Sep-20 22:51:16

How about start by phoning womens aid? They may give you some advice, or talk to your hv.

lemmeavabru Fri 25-Sep-20 22:54:36

Short answer OP, yes you can. Somebody wiser will come and give you good advice but think about this; is it better for your children to grow up witnessing their dad being abusive towards their mum or for you to be away from him and them at least not observing this behaviour.

coronafiona Fri 25-Sep-20 22:58:36

Women's aid will help you. Please don't feel you have to stay there. There is a way out.

lilmishap Fri 25-Sep-20 23:38:05

He has access to the kids and they are watching him abuse you, if you leave they won't be watching that. You are not protecting them by staying.

You can leave.
Womens aid and National Domestic Violence helpline are your first port of call. NDV helpline is NOT just for violent abuse and they are not as swamped as Womens aid so you're more likely to get through.

Do you have reasons for not trusting him with the kids? If a Social worker saw him being a nasty shouty gobby bastard to you with them watching what would they write in their report?Would you be written up as a mum frightened for her kids or a mum frightened in the same house as frightened children?

Would he go to court for access? you don't have to hand them over until a court tells you to. He has the burden of arranging that not you.

Would he find you if you didn't tell him where you were? If you had court orders in place that meant he would get arrested if he approached you, would he risk it?

You have enough to get him arrested next time he rants, that will get you some time. If he frightens you/abuses you/threatens you/frightens the children call the police. They will tell you what to do next
You already have enough to get a non molestation order possibly an occupation order, look into them.

Nobody and no organisation wants your child and baby to be living in this hell, there is support, there is help

childlawadvice.org.uk/ advice on stopping his contact is on here
rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law/

lilmishap Fri 25-Sep-20 23:43:00

Contact your family.
Nobody should be feeling alone, helpless and frightened while pregnant or with a newborn.

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