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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

How to communicate with Husband effectively

14 replies

Amanda87 · 25/09/2020 22:37

DH is very hurtful every time we have an argument. He says horrible stuff just to hurt me. ON PURPOSE.
Even if I keep calm, tone down and have all the patience in the world, he is very defensive and will use all the sarcasm, cynicism and rudeness he's got up his sleeves.
I say A he understands Z. I have tried everything I could but it seems like he needs to be right all the time, and I'm only a good wife when things are done his way.

Any psychologists in here? Help!

OP posts:
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Hawkmoth · 25/09/2020 22:38

Just leave mate.

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PickAChew · 25/09/2020 22:40

You can't. He won't listen effectively.

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Bunnymumy · 25/09/2020 22:43

Stop trying to change YOU in order to fix him.

He is a dick who says hurtful things deliberately to the woman he us supposed to love. Why do you think that is something you should be looking to yourself to change? People respect you or they dont. He doesn't repect you, infact...it sounds like he doesnt even like you.

You are asking the wrong question. You need to ask yourself why you are tolerating this bile from a nasty piece of work.

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Bunnymumy · 25/09/2020 22:47

Also google might be worthwhile to Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Your partner sounds like one of that lot, or similar.

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Bunnymumy · 25/09/2020 22:47

*might be worthwhile to Google.

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YouUnlockedTheGateAnd · 25/09/2020 22:48

You are asking the wrong question. You need to ask yourself why you are tolerating this bile from a nasty piece of work

^this

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YouUnlockedTheGateAnd · 25/09/2020 22:49

And use the psychologist to understand why the Fuck you are putting up with this shite.

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stuckinarut86 · 25/09/2020 23:00

I understand where you're coming from. I can never get my point across with dh he always has an answer and gets defensive. Personally I no longer bother to put my point across for a second time, I say it once and say I told you so when it's turns out I was right. If he gets cross that I never made my thoughts known I point out he didn't listen and sometimes he makes a prat out of himself for not listening. Like in a diy store he was going to as a stupid question about a diy task, I said what I thought was the answer to be told I was wrong but when the person in the shop told him the same answer with a smirk he was left looking stupid, and when he told me off for not stopping him I pointed out he never listens so what's the point. Things seem to have improved after this point he does listen more some of the time anyway.

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category12 · 25/09/2020 23:03

He's not a nice man and he doesn't respect you as a human being.

It's not that you don't communicate clearly, it's that he's no interest in engaging with you in good faith. He just wants you to STFU.

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Aquamarine1029 · 25/09/2020 23:05

Stop wasting your time. It takes two to communicate effectively and respectfully. You're fighting a losing battle.

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VickySunshine · 25/09/2020 23:13

Sounds exhausting. I always find a well timed fart effective.

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S00LA · 25/09/2020 23:14

@YouUnlockedTheGateAnd

And use the psychologist to understand why the Fuck you are putting up with this shite.

Yup.
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Wearywithteens · 25/09/2020 23:23

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

frozendaisy · 25/09/2020 23:52

He should want a happy wife not a good one.

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