Help! I feel like I’ve fallen down a rabbit hole and need some advice on how to get out!
Brief background: I’ve been with DP for over 20 years and have a child together. I’m bi and DP (male) is fully aware of this. No serious issues in our relationship apart from the fact we both acknowledge that over the years we have changed from being two peas in a pod to more independent people with a slightly more differing outlook on life. Relatively normal given the length of time we’ve been together.
Here’s the rabbit hole I’ve fallen into. I’ve have completely fallen in love with a very close female friend. I have no intention of doing anything about it and was hoping it would be a crush that would fade in time but if anything it has become more intense. It’s now been 2 years... I can’t quite believe it’s gone on this long. It’s now starting to affect my relationship with DP and I need to stop these feelings but I have no idea how.
I think I know I’m going to have to cut contact as I’ve already lost 2 years of my life to this ridiculous situation. It will be so sad to say goodbye as I truly value her friendship, but I cannot continue living like this, it’s too painful and I must put DC and DP first.
But what on earth can I say to her to explain what I’m about to do? We are very close so even just reducing contact would be noticed by her. I honestly feel like I would owe her an explanation as I know if she did the same to me I would be very confused and hurt. However I don’t think I’m up to telling her the truth about my feelings for her. I guess it would be easier to reduce contact very slowly, over a longer period of time - sort of pretending that we’ve grown apart. But it’s very likely I’m going to be useless at actually doing this.
So what the hell do I do? And what do I say to her? Argh! Why can’t I just like her as a friend?! I don’t have many close friends and it really saddens me that in order to sort my feelings out I have to lose the friendship. Has anyone else been in this position? Did it eventually fade back into friendship?
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Relationships
Help! In love with a friend and need to not be!
Snow54 · 25/09/2020 20:51
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