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DP's dad upsets me

(122 Posts)
jsnsmsms Fri 25-Sep-20 14:17:42

I'm currently pregnant so maybe the hormones are making me over emotional but my DP's dad really upsets me. He says lots of things to DP behind my back such as 'all women are the same'. He also pulls his face everytime I'm with DP and he always wants to see DP alone without me there, DP says he doesn't 'talk the same around me'. I have sciatica at the moment and I'm in agony and DP's dad said that I should be helping DP clean up paint. I painted all yesterday even though I was in the worst pain because DP couldn't be arsed. He says that I should leave and go out whilst they're moving furniture in because I'll 'get in the way' (really he just doesn't want me around). DP never sticks up for me and lets him talk to me how he wants even though he said he would never let him disrespect me and that he's horrible to everyone. So just because he's horrible to everyone I'm supposed to put up with it? I don't want him around my baby due to how disrespectful he is to me and how negative he is in general. Everytime DP talks about doing something with his life, his dad says 'well why would you want to do that'. I hate him, he's a massive bully. How could I even begin to deal with this? He's his dad at the end of the day so I feel like I have to put up with it because we're having a baby but I'm honestly really fed up at this point. I've always been respectful towards his dad and really try to get him to like me.

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Sunnydaysstillhere Fri 25-Sep-20 14:20:44

In your shoes I would do what he says.. Tell dp you are going out. Set the precedent now. When the baby arrives continue your routine... Taking the baby with you...

HollowTalk Fri 25-Sep-20 14:22:16

Ugh, your partner and his dad sound awful, tbh. The chances of either of them improving are pretty slim. Make sure you stay financially independent, OP.

DeliciouslyFemale Fri 25-Sep-20 14:27:52

Oh lord, OP, what a mess you’re getting into. It’s your partner you should be really ticked off with. Yes, his father is a wanker, but he’s telling you what’s being said behind your back and not sticking up for you. Is this the kind of spineless partner you want to be tied to. Tell him he either sticks up for you, stops going off for his private little chats with his daddy dearest and grows the fuck up. He’s old enough to get you pregnant but acting like a little boy around his fatter. Yuck.

This situation is going to get ten times worse, once your child is born.

jsnsmsms Fri 25-Sep-20 14:28:17

Thanks for the advice I think I will take baby out if he ever comes round.. I wish my DP would stick up for me more

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jsnsmsms Fri 25-Sep-20 14:29:41

DeliciouslyFemale

Oh lord, OP, what a mess you’re getting into. It’s your partner you should be really ticked off with. Yes, his father is a wanker, but he’s telling you what’s being said behind your back and not sticking up for you. Is this the kind of spineless partner you want to be tied to. Tell him he either sticks up for you, stops going off for his private little chats with his daddy dearest and grows the fuck up. He’s old enough to get you pregnant but acting like a little boy around his fatter. Yuck.

This situation is going to get ten times worse, once your child is born.


I am more annoyed with my DP to be completely honest! My mum has said some sly comments about my DP and I defended him everytime. It really pisses me off

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Catsarelush Fri 25-Sep-20 14:29:43

How often do you see him?

jsnsmsms Fri 25-Sep-20 14:30:25

Catsarelush

How often do you see him?


He's been coming round to the house almost everyday because we're decorating but usually maybe fortnightly

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EKGEMS Fri 25-Sep-20 16:49:27

The truth is your partner is a carbon copy of his father just not as overt! You really know that simply due to the fact you had to paint while being heavily pregnant and in severe pain! If it were me once your child is born see how much help your supposed "partner" is-if he's shit then you can choose to stay or leave

Oldraver Fri 25-Sep-20 16:49:54

He'll wound freeze over before I went out as a visitor in my home disrespected me

I think you need to have words with your OH that you will not tolerate such treatment.

He either shuts up doesn't come round

jsnsmsms Fri 25-Sep-20 16:59:03

Exactly. It really does annoy me because at this point I don't feel welcome in what is supposed to be our family home because his dad is always here! DP says he doesn't want my family round all the time we can go to there house instead so why is it fine for his dad to barge in whenever he wants.

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NoraEphronsneck Fri 25-Sep-20 17:08:04

You really need to nip this in the bud. And, as usual, your problem is with your DP not his father.

I would make it clear that his father is not welcome at your house when you are home.

You have however many weeks left of your pregnancy to thrash this out as otherwise they'll walk all over you once you've had the baby.

thanks

Nicolastuffedone Fri 25-Sep-20 17:08:29

Do you ever stick up for yourself?

jsnsmsms Fri 25-Sep-20 17:10:43

Nicolastuffedone

Do you ever stick up for yourself?


No - I probably should however I feel like if I disrespect his dad then it could end up ruining their relationship or make it awkward between me and DP

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jsnsmsms Fri 25-Sep-20 17:11:26

NoraEphronsneck

You really need to nip this in the bud. And, as usual, your problem is with your DP not his father.

I would make it clear that his father is not welcome at your house when you are home.

You have however many weeks left of your pregnancy to thrash this out as otherwise they'll walk all over you once you've had the baby.

thanks


You're definitely right, I'm going to have to talk to him about it.

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jsnsmsms Fri 25-Sep-20 17:13:08

DP's brother doesn't speak to their dad because he would call his fiancé fat and stupid all the time. It's an ongoing thing with him.

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Dillydallyingthrough Fri 25-Sep-20 17:20:42

Tbh OP your DP sounds like a prick (sorry I realise that isn't nice to read). So you painted whilst pregnant and in pain, he told you your family cant come around to your house and you have to go there?. Look closely at your FIL, that is exactly who your DP is.

Can you leave and maybe stay with family for a short period? Just to clear your head and think about your future. Then maybe have a discussion with your DP about his behaviour (not standing up for you and the painting in pain).

Good luck OP.

Dillydallyingthrough Fri 25-Sep-20 17:22:14

And definitely stick up for yourself more, don't worry about causing issues with your DP/FIL they certainly are not affording you the same respect.

Windmillwhirl Fri 25-Sep-20 17:22:28

I agree you need to talk to him, but I fear he has the same views as his father. Expecting you to leave your home to accommodate his offensive father!! Absolutely not on. Both sound like bullies.

Be prepared for him to refuse to say no on any level to his father, as this behaviour is ingrained.

No point wishing for him to change... that won't happen.

If things don't change, I hope you realise you deserve better and leave him.

jsnsmsms Fri 25-Sep-20 17:22:33

Dillydallyingthrough

Tbh OP your DP sounds like a prick (sorry I realise that isn't nice to read). So you painted whilst pregnant and in pain, he told you your family cant come around to your house and you have to go there?. Look closely at your FIL, that is exactly who your DP is.

Can you leave and maybe stay with family for a short period? Just to clear your head and think about your future. Then maybe have a discussion with your DP about his behaviour (not standing up for you and the painting in pain).

Good luck OP.


He can be one definitely at times. I'm going to try and speak to him about it when he's home and I'll let you know what he's said. I hope he can understand my point of view.

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Nicolastuffedone Fri 25-Sep-20 17:23:15

But his father is disrespecting you! Is that making your DP awkward around you? Why isn’t he telling his father to stop making nasty comments to you? I wouldn’t give his father an inch, but then, I have trouble keeping my mouth shut around people like his dad......

jsnsmsms Fri 25-Sep-20 17:25:47

Nicolastuffedone

But his father is disrespecting you! Is that making your DP awkward around you? Why isn’t he telling his father to stop making nasty comments to you? I wouldn’t give his father an inch, but then, I have trouble keeping my mouth shut around people like his dad......


This is what annoys me the fact that I have to tell my DP that his dad is making me feel shit even though he said he would always have my back. I am definitely going to tell DP that I don't want anything to do with his dad. I thought you had to respect your partner's parents but he has no respect for me just constantly makes mean comments.

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Cocklepops Fri 25-Sep-20 17:40:19

Think your FIL is the least of your concerns here. Your DP sounds like an utter dick.

valtandsinegar Fri 25-Sep-20 18:03:23

he would call his fiancé fat and stupid all the time

shock what is wrong with this man??

jsnsmsms Fri 25-Sep-20 18:04:52

valtandsinegar

*he would call his fiancé fat and stupid all the time*

shock what is wrong with this man??


It's horrible, she just put up with it too. He knows that no one wants to say anything incase of ruining relationships between the family.

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