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Is he insecure or game playing?

(21 Posts)
cookieba Fri 25-Sep-20 11:25:42

Last month I started talking to a guy on a dating app. (Both in our twenties) Things seemed to be going well so within a week he asked me if I wanted to meet . We had both spoken about how we were looking more for a relationship which was good as were both on the same page. I don’t normally meet someone this early and I haven’t done lots of dating so I was trying to be more brave and put myself out there and I thought he seemed nice so agreed. The date went well despite me being late 🙈 and we got on well and he seemed sweet.

We spoke over text later in that day and he thanked me for coming and said he had a nice time and felt a connection and I said enjoyed it too. He then text me the next morning asking how my day was and we just had general chit chat.

The next day I regretfully pushed more for how he felt on the date and he responded with similar things of how he enjoyed it etc. ( I wish I didn’t and I feel that may have been my own insecurities coming in) he then said after awhile that maybe I was being full on for only one meet ( which I agree looking back) so I then mentioned I had another date, which was true as to not look too keen to him.
But I was shocked by his reaction as he stared to become really annoyed with me and that I had another date and he told me I should have told him I was talking to other people and I was making him an option and it made him feel not good enough which he didn’t like. He said he had been cheated on in his last relationship and that he would prefer just us talking exclusively. I felt it had been an overreaction and tried to explain myself and my thought process of why I said it and also that I felt it was maybe him being over the top.
In the end he stopped replying to my messages. I was disappointed as we had got along and he seemed nice. During the no talking period I did notice he would sometimes watch my Instagram stories which made me think he was still taking an interest.
We didn’t talk again until yesterday, where we started off with some casual how you been type conversation. (Over text) Then it got a little flirty, he then asked what I was doing Friday evening and I asked him what he had in mind and he asked if I wanted to come over. I didn’t confirm or deny as I was unsure, I replied saying I didn’t think he would be like that and he said he isn’t he just thought it’s what I might have wanted. I then said we must have crossed wires ( I had wondered if he thought I wanted sex) which I can understand due to a couple things I had asked at the time sexual questions. We both admitted we still were attracted to each other and he had felt that way since meeting. I then asked why he ignored me then and he said he needed to take a step back. I said maybe I could have handled things differently and that we both could have done. He read the message but didn’t reply and the next morning I was blocked. I’m really confused and I wonder if it was his insecurities or whether it was a game?

OP’s posts: |
anotherdisaster Fri 25-Sep-20 11:29:54

RED FLAGS ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!! He calls you 'full on' but is stalking you on instagram and then spits his dummy out when you mention going on another date.
You have seriously dodged a bullet here. I guarantee he will be back too - block him.

Aquamarine1029 Fri 25-Sep-20 11:30:41

A bullet dodged as far as I'm concerned. Too much drama and bullshit, honestly made my head hurt just reading it. Block him as well and move on.

Bunnymumy Fri 25-Sep-20 11:42:05

'Is he insecu-'
No. He is controlling.

Time and time again "maybe he is insecure' is an excuse we women try to make for shocking behaviour in order to understand why shit men are behaving shit. Because we are normal people and want to assume other people are normal too (and so, would never actively want to hurt us...surely?). Some people are assholes op, assholes are controlling. Never excuse it as insecurity.

You are well shot.
Protect yourself from his kind going forwards. Learn about red flags. And dont make excuses for shitty people treating you like shit.

beachydreams Fri 25-Sep-20 11:45:12

Block. Too much drama

ScarMatty Fri 25-Sep-20 11:46:14

Contrary to the above, I think you actually sound like the bizarre one here.

You mentioned another date. Why bother? He doesn't need to know and you only did it for a reaction.

You implied you weren't totally interested when you mentioned another date, and then get annoyed that he thinks you only want something casual.

Sorry but IMO it's you, not him.

You're giving him mixed messages

Bunnymumy Fri 25-Sep-20 11:48:00

Oh and op, it is perfectly normal to assume someone is still seeing other people when you've only had one date with them. He absolutely had no right to go off on you like that. I mean what, did he think because you had one date you are his property somehow?

And the throwing a strop and blocking you because you essentially didnt do what he wanted when he got back in touch. Textbook nasty behaviour.

If he unblocks, have nothing more to do with him.

Purplecatshopaholic Fri 25-Sep-20 11:54:11

Yup, Red-Flags-R-Us! Be glad you dodged a bullet, block and move on!

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 25-Sep-20 11:55:11

Block him, you do not owe this person anything
Read up more about red flags in relationships

SilverOtter Fri 25-Sep-20 12:02:04

He is manipulating you.

Opentooffers Fri 25-Sep-20 13:01:16

It's funny how there's a lot of men OLD that make a point of saying " one at a time ladies" and " you wouldn't talk to multiple people in a bar". I've had this, I just pointed out it's irrelevant as not in a bar. I also met someone who had disappeared from chat then came back a week later claiming that he had been on dates with someone and didn't talk to others at the same time. We had a pleasant date, carried on chatting, I had full membership unlike him, so I don't think he realised that I could see he was frequently on and off the site. Not a fan of BS, anyway, had perfect excuse not to see him again and duck out as covid restrictions increased, as did my NHS workload, so can't meet anyone anymore anyway.

nolovelost Fri 25-Sep-20 13:08:10

I do think that you were a bit full on and you needn't have mentioned the date either. He was then a bit of a chancer....

In my dating experience (which is long blush ) if you want more than sex and someone to stick around, don't talk sexually at the beginning and don't mention other dates.

Just move on to the next now. Good luck.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit Fri 25-Sep-20 13:12:28

Agree with ScarMatty

EarthSight Fri 25-Sep-20 13:30:05

beachydreams

Block. Too much drama

Sometimes the short answers are very good.

As @beachydreams said, it's a bit too much drama for this early on. Just take it as a lesson and move on.

seensome Fri 25-Sep-20 13:32:01

Kind of I understand in way, I know it's acceptable to go on multiple dates with others when your not exclusive to anyone but not sure it's nice to actually hear, well I wouldn't anyway, him getting annoyed over it though wasn't on he should've just wished you luck and moved on. A bit of game playing in both of you tbh.

Dontletitbeyou Fri 25-Sep-20 14:11:25

You both sound like hard work to be honest. You chase him up for feedback on how he felt the date went , when he’d already said he had a good time
He gets a strop when he finds out you’re talking with other people , stops replying etc. All this after 1 date ? Too much too soon .

BuggeredItUpAgain Fri 25-Sep-20 16:05:20

It all sounds very immature on both sides

Aerial2020 Fri 25-Sep-20 16:11:53

You've been on one date and he's ignoring you for talking to other people?
As if he's not doing the same. Course he is that's the whole point of dating apps.
You're not exclusive.
Block. He will get much worse.

newnameforthis123 Fri 25-Sep-20 17:21:58

You played games by lying about talking to other people to get a reaction / to change how he saw you.

Too much drama all round, move on and don't date until you're ready. It doesn't sound like you are yet - I don't mean that in a snarky way but your mind is veering from being too full on to trying to sound like you aren't. That's exhausting and unhealthy.

cookieba Fri 25-Sep-20 17:22:27

Hi everyone thank you for your replies, this is my first time using mumsnet so I hope I am doing this right and you receive this message.

I wasn’t trying to play any games or fish for a reaction from him when I mentioned the date, I understand that it’s not something people need to hear. And I regret saying it. It was just from a knee jerk reaction from my own insecurities of feeling silly from being too full on. I didn’t want or expect him to have that reaction and I felt bad for that and so maybe I tried reassuring him.
I do think there was a level of manipulation from him which made me question myself and whether I was to blame.
I also can understand how it could look like I sent mixed messages to him and this is something I hate as I try to be honest. But over text it can happen or things can be misinterpreted ( not saying that is fully to blame)

OP’s posts: |
Isthisnothing Fri 25-Sep-20 17:46:59

Run hard and fast.

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