Flakey date 😡

[nolovelost]

Hi all, I really should know what to do, I've been online dating for years and always know what to do! If it was someone on here I'd know exactly what to say!

Got chatting to someone online, never had so much in common with someone and chats have been amazing. We tried to arrange a date the other week and he was a bit flakey - nothing major, I decided to give him a chance. And then we were supposed to meet tonight - eagerness from both sides, his idea etc.

I asked yesterday if he wanted to still meet, hasn't replied until this morning (was preparing myself for flakiness or excuse).

Says he has an issue with his dog, and if he's telling the truth then that's sad and understand. But he said he doesn't want to leave it on it's own. In past conversations he says that his ex is moving out at the beginning of next month so the pet wouldn't be on it's own!

If he's telling the truth I need to reply in a way that won't stop him from messaging in the future. But I want to keep it brief and to the point so he knows I'm not sure about his excuse.

So I was thinking along the lines of 'I'm sorry to hear about your dog. I'll leave it up to you to message if you want to meet'

Due to the first flakiness I told myself I'd just block if I got messed about, but what if I'm wrong??

God... shall I just move on?

[Aerial2020]

I would prob say something along the lines of no worries, take care.
If he'a already cancelled before, I would stop asking him if he still wants to meet.

[Suzi888]

'I'm sorry to hear about your dog. I'll leave it up to you to message if you want to meet' Do that... but don’t hold your breath and move on.

[Sakurami]

Are you sure he's single?

[DropOfffArtiste]

He's probably back together with the ex. Just move on.

[Walkersjalapeno]

Don’t leave the ball in his court, with yourself as an option for him in future to pick you back up!
“Ah that’s a shame. Best wishes to your dog x”. That sounds ambiguous enough that if he is genuine, he’ll be worried you might not believe him and step up the commitment to meet, if he is bullshitting he’ll know you’ve Sussed him out and feel stupid

[Walkersjalapeno]

And then don’t message him again!

[nolovelost]

Thanks. He hasnt exactly cancelled on me before. He offered 2 days, I asked if we could do one of those... later (fair enough) he said he was doing his hobby that particular day, so I said that I could do the other day that he suggested, he then suggested meeting next week instead (this week). This was the flakiness I was on about.

[NotThatStrange]

I don't think he is single. Just send a message with "OK" and don't message him back again. I would block

[DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult]

I probably wouldn't bother messaging. If he was keen to meet then he would have. His situation is unclear and complicated and he is flaky and stringing you along.

[IrenetheQuaint]

I wouldn't reply at all, he's clearly not interested in meeting.

[TwentyViginti]

Fuck that noise! he sounds partnered. Stop wasting your time.

[Odile13]

It really shouldn’t be so difficult to arrange a first date, should it? I suspect there’s something a bit off about him or his situation.

If you’re still interested send him a simple message along the lines of what you’ve said but proceed with caution and don’t keep chatting online without arranging a proper date. He could be a time waster.

[Aerial2020]

He was doing his hobby?

One thing I've learnt is that if a guy wants a date with you, he will chase.
And he would certainly miss his hobby once to see you.
Move on.

[Aerial2020]

Don't say you'll leave it up to him to message.
You might be far too busy for his message!

[SleepingStandingUp]

I'm going to go against the grain here.
Good dog is presumably poorly, and can't be alone? The ex living there doesn't mean she'll watch the dog or even be in so I'd send the message you were going to, with low expectations, and not message again until he does.

[JaffaCake70]

Have you any other irons in the fire regarding your online dating? If so I'd pursue those instead of this one. My gut tells me that this one has something to hide, probably a partner. Don't waste your time messaging him. If he wants to meet up with you he will make sure to pursue you. He's a man, he will come to you if he really wants you.

[widespreadpanic]

Whenever there is too much rescheduling to meet up with someone, especially when it’s the other person doing it, I take it as a sign they aren’t that interested. So send the last text with condolences about the dog and that leaves the ball in his court. But I wouldn’t wait around for him.

[nolovelost]

It's pissed me off. Been happily single for years and thought I'd give it a go. He seems really nice and really keen. Instigating messages etc. I left his message on read late morning. Think I'll put 'best wishes, take care (no kisses) in a bit when I'm 100% sure. Thanks all.

[nolovelost]

Oh and I'll definitely be back online today.

[Sunnydaysstillhere]

Suggest he brings the ddog!!

[Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd]

Don't waste your time. Dog, my arse, he's not single. Block and move on.

[Crystal87]

So many men are flaky on OLD. I'd just reply with "sorry to hear that, take care". And then leave it at that. If he's genuine an really likes you he'll panic a bit at your coldness and arrange another time. If not, you have your answer. But don't let him keep you hanging on if he keeps doing this kind of thing.

[Bunnymumy]

A lot of people just like the attention online. They 'seem' really keen- in order to lull you into trust and make you very keen. They want you to be talking to them 24/7. It's an ego thing.

But then you might find they are flaky af or completely inattentive if you do meet.

This one sounds like one of them.

It also sounds like he may still be with this 'ex'.

I wouldnt even bother replying to him.

[Opentooffers]

I'm surprised you started talking to him in the first place given that he's still living with someone, the moment I found this out, would always be the moment I'd leave it.
Never date anyone who is down as separated - need to be divorced at the least, or someone who wants to date but nothing serious, even if they claim not to be I to one night stands. Lol, and if anyone mentions being honest and genuine, it's a no from me ( if you need to point this out it's because you are likely not). Have high standards, less messing about that way

[nolovelost]

Alarm bells rang actually when he said he was still in the same house and that his ex was moving out, I've been on mumsnet long enough! He was quite convincing though that it was all over months ago and covid put a stop to everything. Saying that he wants to find someone that he really connects with etc.