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Red flags

(24 Posts)
Paris100 Thu 24-Sep-20 06:30:14

I’ve been seeing someone since the start of the year, both late 40s and divorced.
He gets quite agitated if he notices that I’m online on Whatsapp or I don’t respond to his calls immediately. Often implies that I must be seeing or messaging another man. (For context I’m busy with a job, kids, house etc, his wife left him and he has no relationship with his grown up kids.)

His response is usually to block me, then unblock me or change his profile pic from us to him on his own. He very much likes things his own way. When we are together things are great but when we are not in each other’s company it’s not. He also doesn’t sleep well and ponders about the past.
Red flags and time to run?

OP’s posts: |
ProperVexed Thu 24-Sep-20 06:31:09

I'm surprised you have to ask! Run, very fast, now.

Whydidimarryhim Thu 24-Sep-20 06:47:57

Red flags - not your issue re sleep.
His wife left him but WHY- has he told you this.
Why does he not have a relationship with his adult children.
Does he have friends?
He’s deeply insecure and controlling.
Your busy - he needs to understand that - any reasonable rationale person would.
Have you spoken to him about it?

NavyBerry Thu 24-Sep-20 06:49:11

40 or 14? Check his passport

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 24-Sep-20 06:56:05

He has more red flags about him than are seen at a communist party committee meeting

This from him now is why his wife left him. There is no point in talking to him other than to tell him this relationship is now no
longer working for you and that you wish him well for the future.

GettingChilly Thu 24-Sep-20 07:07:33

Yes. I ignored similar red flags from someone because I could just mentally block out his complaints initially and it was just a general insecurity.

But it escalated within a couple of months. He ended up sending hundred of messages to me demanding to know who I was talking to as well as blocking and unblocking me (I think he was actually monitoring my online presence); telling people I was cheating on him (and being incredibly vitriolic in the way he spoke about me although he was only ever sweetness and light to my face) and threatening other men who spoke to me.

I ended up at the police station because someone else had reported him for harassment on my behalf.

PolloDePrimavera Thu 24-Sep-20 07:11:16

Go, go, GO!!

Paris100 Thu 24-Sep-20 07:11:39

His wife I think had a new man waiting in the wings plus there were disagreements about the children who were then teenagers.

OP’s posts: |
SandyY2K Thu 24-Sep-20 07:15:11

This behaviour of grown up adults indulging in blocking like this is incredibly immature.

His inferences and sulking are major red flags.....never mind the lack of a relationship with his kids.

Women should stay away from men like him...they'll either be on their own or change their behaviour.

Get rid of him.

Bananalanacake Thu 24-Sep-20 07:17:03

Hope he hasn't asked to move in with you. But it should be obvious he can't as you have dc.

Mummacake Thu 24-Sep-20 07:23:51

I wouldn't put too much stock in his reasons for his marriage breakdown tbh. My ex told anyone that would listen that I was having affairs, not the truth that he was abusive and was using internet sites for sex hookups. He was also very demanding and needy as well as constantly on the phone. I recommend the Freedom Programme online which is highly informative. As for this man, the hills are that way ➡️➡️➡️➡️➡️

EatDessertFirst Thu 24-Sep-20 07:25:40

Leg it. Why would you not??

Getting agitated and blocking you because you don't respond to His Majesty when he demands? Is he 15? Does he not work?

His poor sleep is not your problem and if he is telling you it is, he is already manipulating you into feeling sorry for him.

The hills are that way --->

isthismylifenow Thu 24-Sep-20 07:26:03

Going with a stab in the dark here that he told you early on he loves you, you're the only one etc etc.

Just the agitation at not replying to messages is a red flag alone, never mind the rest of it.

I ended things with my ex beginning of this year for the exact same issue.

Itwasaquarterpast11 Thu 24-Sep-20 07:30:23

He sounds bloody awful. Get out now, you don't need that shit.

Buggedandconfused Thu 24-Sep-20 07:33:35

Massive red flag. You really must end it!

Shoxfordian Thu 24-Sep-20 07:41:17

Huge red flag

TwilightSkies Thu 24-Sep-20 07:44:13

Absolute red flags. Do not waste your energy trying to make a man like this happy or try to convince him to trust you.
You aren’t responsible for fixing his issues.

MollyButton Thu 24-Sep-20 07:45:41

Massive red flags.
It's not been that long it should be lovely not hard.
The grown up children not speaking to him stuck out massively to me - if none of them speak to him there has to be a reason.
The controlling behaviour is pretty awful.

Dump him and them work on your own self esteem and read "Why does he do that?".

Catsarelush Thu 24-Sep-20 07:46:27

He’s obviously got nothing better to do which is a red flag in itself.

Ughmaybenot Thu 24-Sep-20 07:49:32

It’s concerning that you have to even ask tbh. I personally would work on boundaries and how to recognise abusive behaviour before looking for another relationship. But in the meantime... Get rid of this immature, controlling prick.

FinallyHere Thu 24-Sep-20 08:16:29

* He gets quite agitated if he notices that I’m online on Whatsapp or I don’t respond to his calls immediately. Often implies that I must be seeing or messaging another man.*

Dump him, sooner rather than later.

This is no way to live. Life will get so much better once you have got rid of him.

Your update, explaining/excusing his behaviour because of his ex-wife's behaviour concerns me. It reads to me as if you think that his behaviour is due to someone other than himself. So that, so long as you 'behave' all will be well.

This is not true. He acts like this regardless of your behaviour. And, it will only get worse. Run. I mean it, just get away.

SoulofanAggron Thu 24-Sep-20 09:17:17

Brrrr. Controlling and manipulative.

Block him on everything.

Bunnymumy Thu 24-Sep-20 09:30:14

I'd be off at the hurdles, wooooosh.
Fecking forty year old man taking huffs like that. Not normal. And the implications about you talking to other men if you don't reply asap...who the hell does he think he is! He's a right controlling git op, run for the hills!

I bet he was the one cheating and maybe his wife just happened to move on before him, after the relationship breakdown: so he makes her out to be the cheat. And his adult kids arent no contact for no reason op. They've seen some shit. And ran.

Also betting his sleep problem would be used as an excuse to harass you at all hours sometime down the line.

Get out fast and get him blocked fast.
Have a feeling this ones not going to be easy to get shot of though :/

Princessposie Thu 24-Sep-20 10:22:37

OP.. come on! You don’t need our opinions, that is ridiculous. Run.

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